Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Help please

12 replies

Panicked12 · 25/11/2019 14:38

I’m 18 weeks pregnant living in a foreign country with my boyfriend (his home country).
I thought I could live here and be happy here but I have no friends I’ve been put back on antidepressants and since being pregnant I’ve had a longing to be around my family.
I brought this up with my boyfriend who said I need to try harder to build a network because the deal was to have kids in his home country and that’s the end of it. He has absolutely no interest in moving and he said I lied to him and manipulated him to get pregnant.
I’m absolutely torn. I’m now debating whether it would be best to get an abortion (still available at this stage in this country) and go our separate ways. I know an abortion would kill me though and I will never get over it. If I go back to my home country I have lied and manipulated my boyfriend. I’m starting to think the best thing to do is to jump in front of a train.
Does anyone have any advice???

OP posts:

egontoste · 25/11/2019 14:49

he said I lied to him and manipulated him

He said. That does not mean that it's true.

In your heart you know the truth, and you also know that he isn't making you happy is he? Go home to your family.

Happyspud · 25/11/2019 14:52

You’re ok OP, you’re ok. You do need to get yourself and your bump home to family who will be there for you. Don’t have this baby anywhere except where you want to be tied to for the rest of your life.

You STILL have GOOD choices to make for you and your baby but do NOT stay because every choice you have will be out the window. You won’t have a right to leave that country with the baby as it would be kidnapping if baby has been born there.

Go home OP. You don’t need a termination, you need your family.

Nothingbutquestions · 25/11/2019 15:07

Go home OP. You don’t need a termination, you need your family.

This, 100%. Above all else he should want you to be happy and yet when you tell him you're not all he can say is you need to try harder?

I'm pretty sure he's given you the impression up til now that you matter to him, that he has consideration and care for your feelings? In which case surely it's him who has lied and manipulated you rather than the other way around. You will have made your plans and decisions reasonably assuming that he cares and that therefore there will be room for compromise if anyone is deeply unhappy so it seems pretty deceitful and manipulative on his part to let you believe that if in fact he doesn't give a shit whether you're happy or not.

Please go home OP, your family won't think you're a liar or manipulative and I'm not sure you should care what he thinks of you when he shows you so little care or compassion

TreesSandSea · 25/11/2019 15:10

I agree with all the PP. go home, with your bump, to your family.

Waterloosunsets · 25/11/2019 15:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ as requested by the OP.

peachgreen · 25/11/2019 15:12

Go home now, before the baby is born.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/11/2019 15:16

Another vote for going home to your family.

If you feel isolated now, it will be a million times worse once you have the baby. And your boyfriend sounds very rigid.

he said I lied to him and manipulated him to get pregnant

Well, ain't he just a charmer! Doesn't even sound as if he wants to have the baby with you.

Please look after yourself and get yourself home. And I wouldn't tell him beforehand either.

AlwaysCheddar · 25/11/2019 15:16

Go home now before the baby is born. There is no relationship with this person, and a baby isn’t going to make it better.

Original poster

Panicked12 · 25/11/2019 15:19

Thank you all for your support. I've never posted on here before but I just don't know what to do. I haven't spoken to my family because they would be so so worried about me.
I did say I thought I could be happy here and it would be a good place to raise a child but being pregnant has changed things for me.
I should say he is a very very caring man, but I can see that this behavior is not caring. When I said I wanted to jump in front of a train his concern was for the 18 week old fetus, not my mental health.
As a relationship I don't see how we can come back from this but I have to decide if I want to be tied to him indefinitely and to bring a child into a broken family with flights to see Daddy.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 25/11/2019 15:19

Go now. If you leave it til the baby's born you might never get away, especially as the baby will have the nationality of the country it's born in.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/11/2019 15:21

I agree with @Singlenotsingle

If you stay and have the baby, you'll be stuck there forever.

Please just get yourself home to a family that loves you and who will help you take care or baby and yourself (and that includes your mental health). You can worry about the rest of it later.

Nothingbutquestions · 25/11/2019 15:30

but I have to decide if I want to be tied to him indefinitely and to bring a child into a broken family with flights to see Daddy.

And that decision is best made away from him, surrounded by people who love you and want what's best for you. That patently doesn't apply to him by his reaction to the train thing so you need to be somewhere away from him and his agenda where you can get some clarity and figure out what you want.

Flip