Is this a third baby thing?

[mistermagpie]

Not brave enough for AIBU but happy to be told I'm being silly.

Had my third child last Saturday, my other two children are 2 and 4 (relevant because they are still pretty full-on and demanding). The new baby is an angel but I was induced at 37 weeks so she is small and was very sleepy and shocked for the first few days, therefore establishing feeding has been hard. I couldn't breastfeed my other two for various reasons but this time things are going better and I'm really chuffed. That said, she has lost more weight than the midwife is happy with so we are feeding pretty much constantly to try and up my supply and get some weight on her.

Here's my issue though - nobody in our friends and family seem interested in her. Her grandparents live five minutes from us are both retired and haven't been to visit once. Two friends have visited today and yesterday and both turned up late, neither with a card or gift (which is fine, we've got loads of stuff but I did notice I suppose) and I ended up having to make cups of tea and lunch for both them and their children, whilst simultaneously sorting my own kids and feeding the baby. DH was here today so he did the lunch to be fair, but neither visitor offered to lend a hand or anything.

It just feels like everyone expects us/me to be functioning totally normally when half the time I'm pinned to the sofa breastfeeding and trying to wrangle two preschoolers. DH is good but he's been at work stuff too, which has been unavoidable.

So, is this a thing with the more babies you have?! With our first people dropped food over or came to visit and offered to make me tea and a sandwich or whatever, but this time - nada. And to be fair we could use a hand just now!

Sorry that's so long, well done if you didn't fall asleep!

Congratulations on your new arrival

We found similar, some of my inlaws still haven't met our third seven months on! Its strange, I could have done with the help this time but had it sorted with my eldest.

yes, I think it is a 3rd child thing. With my friend's first children, I visited, I threw baby showers (!), bought gifts etc. I had more cash and time as I wasn't a parent myself then too.
Second children and subsequent children are lucky to get a card in the post, and I don;t buy gifts - they have too much stuff already from number one and looking to get rid!

I have offered to help (friends), but usually told too busy with the older children. Family - I'd expect to help out a spare pair of hands/ taking out the older ones would be nice, but I do rather think if you choose to have second and subsequent children you know what to expect and what you are doing, so I'd be a lot less eager to help. In my family gift are monetary though and to same value, not "stuff"

See it's funny, yes you do know what you're doing more the more children you have, but you also have, well, more children! So you maybe need an offer of help more. With our first we didn't really need any help in the early weeks because there were two adults to one baby, and now we can certainly manage (or we wouldn't have had another baby), but I still feel like it would be nice if people took an interest or offered to lend a hand in some small way.

Sadly yes, 3rd child thing. Our 3rd DD hardly got any fuss, visitors or gifts.
Its sad but the novelty just seems to wear off for people. And everyone expects you to have it all sorted and not need any help. I even found this from medical professionals, but to be honest, its true that you do know what your doing though definately need more help!

On the other hand, my 3rd baby was a dream and the early months were so lovely and felt a bit like this baby was just for me and her father, its hard to explain.

Now shes older and one of the gang shes not treated any differently by friends and relatives, apart from perhaps more fuss as shes smaller and cuter.

That's sad! I have been every bit as excited to meet my friend's subsequent children as I have their first. I always take a gift for the baby, plus a card and usually wine or flowers for the Mum.

I would never expect lunch on a visit, I stay max of an hour as I'm always conscious of the family trying to get in with life and allow visitors.

Congratulations on your new baby!

Yes, a 3rd (and subsequent children) thing.

Though I had wonderful inlaws who were interested in their grandchildren and showed up regularly. So I can't comment on that one.

I found it a third baby thing and then a fourth baby thing... but they had siblings who got excited at their arrival!

Yep, it's old hat for them now. When we told MIl we were expecting no 4 she just said 'Oh lovely', and went back to pottering in the kitchen. People don't give a shit. But congratulations!

When I told my mother I was having a fourth she said "oh my God, how ever many more!"

Yep sadly it is, the more you have the less family and friends are interested. I loved having visitors and showing off my baby.

Hardly anyone was interested in our third baby. Then she died. Presumably out of guilt there was a big surge of interest in our fourth.

Yes, even more so after the 4th. And the social invites (including kids) fall off a cliff too.. ...

Well at least it's not just our baby who isn't getting much interest then! I can relate to the PP who said it feels like this baby is just for us though, DH and I always knew she would be the last for us and the last few weeks of pregnancy were quite stressful (hence me being induced early) so it feels extra special to have her here. Her older brothers are completely smitten with her too, which is lovely.

I suppose people who have known us for years might find the whole 'Magpie and DH having a baby' thing a bit old hat now, especially as ours are so close in age. And that's fine, I will just lower my expectations accordingly!

Orange I'm so sorry about your daughter

Yes, my 4th is 11 months old and still hasnt met her grandad and grandma (husbands dad and step mum)

I'm having our DC1 in January, and as it's my first, expecting a fair buit of fuss from my family. However, it will be my parents' 10th grandchild, so I'm pretty certain that by the the time No2 comes along (in a few years!), they really won't be able to care less!

I think it's unforgivable that the grandparents haven't visited...assuming they're in reasonable health?

Congratulations! Yes, third child thing. My not-so-D MIL even asked if I'd meant to have three (which was a bit rich, seeing as she had four herself!).

I think it's just how it is. Relax and enjoy!

Still no visit from the grandparents, they are in good health, both retired, live five minutes away and we all get along ok.

I was told by PIL the novelty had worn off with my first DC, because DH was the last sibling to have kids

Lovely... We did provide the much longed-for first grandchild and they were obsessed with him as a baby, but in the 4.5 years since he was born there have been four more grandchildren born into the family, so maybe they are at grandparent saturation point?!