Living with a dyslexic partner

[inthethickofit19]

We are stuck in a rut of partner forgetting things , running around last minute etc and me getting increasingly frustrated. We have two dc under 3, I don't keep well and the baby is also poorly.

Aibu to ask for any tips and coping strategies? I've tried to encourage a routine so he doesn't have to 'think' as much and basic things are automatic but this doesn't really appeal to him.

It doesn't 'appeal' to him?

What solutions does he propose himself?

I'm dyslexic and I struggle with various things, but I wonder if what you have here is not so much a dyslexic partner problem, as a partner who imagines it's your job to organise him.

Sorry, that may sound harsh, but what exactly is he expecting to happen if he won't accept your solutions? Why on earth shouldn't he have to think about things? The rest of us do.

Watching with interest as I am the dyslexic one in the marriage. It has never affected my parenting of our children aside from I do have to work hard to be on time for school drop off. My DH does get frustrated at times, as apparently I'm not a good communicator, but in all honesty it's very hard to change.

My DH is dyslexic, I'm not sure you can blame this solely on dyslexia.

We have a shared google calendar and run our lives through it. If its not in the calendar and it involves either of us changing plans, it doesn't happen. It only took 1 missed hair appointment (for him) for him to get onboard with how good it is.

Dyslexia doesn’t mean someone can’t be organised it’s just that we need extra tools to be able to do it. Google Calendar with notifications helps me, but if computer / mobile reading doesn’t come naturally to him, you could try a colour coded appointment chart on the fridge — a different colour for everyone in the family so he can see at a glance that there’s an appointment and who it’s for.

Also suggest you get him to book all the appointments for the kids so he has to get organised.

DH is dyslexic and quite severely so. He manages to parent effectively by focusing on our routine. It would all go to shit if he didn't!

I'm dyslexic, we have 4 children and manage our house and jobs. I never really contemplated it. I can be highly organised but I can get overwhelmed and then find it really difficult to keep on top of everything. I have two children with Autism and other additional needs, my husband has a lot of autistic traits (he recognises this himself), we are a fairly functional family though. I forget the occasionally fruit money with the kids but otherwise I don't think we are particularly haphazard.

I feel your husband is using it as an excuse to be honest, there are plenty of things out there to help stay organised.

He hasn't blamed it on his dyslexic per se. That's just me looking for something to help me understand!

Appts are easier because they are fixed. It's more things like getting out of the house in the morning. He won't remember where he put his keys, if dc needs to take x with them he won't remember, he'll randomly decide to shower when he's already running late etc. I find it very stressful to watch. He leaves a mess behind him because he's lastminute.com

Same goes with other tasks which are not time specific. He knows he has to do something but will put it off for as long as possible and then it turns into a bigger job.

He has finally told work thankfully so they have given him some software and coaching sessions so hopefully he will find what works for him.

I feel like I'm on repeat and I have indeed become a nag because I'm forever telling him to put things back/ in the right place.

Some of it is definitely laZyness but I do think he genuinely struggles with thinking in a logical manner as well

@SarahAndQuack doesn't appeal to him as in he doesn't buy into it. He thinks everything is a smaller deal than it is

Google Executive Function so you can understand how/why his disorganisation happens, infuriating as it is, he can't help it. Also look at processing speed.

There are loads of different apps available for all sorts of help with organising stuff, I'm sure between you you'll find something that helps him. There may be some specific to dyslexia, most appear to be marketed for ADHD, but the inability to organise like an NT person would overlap with many AN.

Reading your description is like reading about myself. I'v tried numerous things over the years including having all the clocks changed in the house to show later than it is. He can't help what he is doing but what he can help is listening to you when you're trying to help him. Sit him down and explain calmly. Do you know whether he had any support when he was younger? I did and that perhaps the reason I can manage things okay now.