How do you take care of you?

[NonUrinatInVentum]

I'm working thorough some childhood stuff. My mother is a narcissist and I've got chronic anxiety because of the things I went through.

I'm now realising that I do very little self care down to not bothering to brush my teeth sometimes (I'm not depressed at all!) I take my thyroid medication religiously but anything beyond that I just don't bother.

The very worst thing is that my career is in healthcare and I've built a successful business helping women regain their heath. Those who can't do, teach eh?

Because of my training I know what I need to do, I know what supplements I should take, I know what self care I need to do but I just don't do it and I don't know why.

What do you do to take care of yourself?

I have nice bubble bath/bath salts that I use most Friday eves after work

I buy the shampoos and conditioners that I like the smell of, just for me

Just small manageable steps OP.

Ooo can you tell us the advice you give others OP? I need some help with this too

To be honest the real things that make a difference are visits to the oesteopath and physio, and things like massages and facials.they really help.

But in terms of the everyday:

Removing make up each night
Brushing and flossing (flossing makes you feel virtuous)
Taking a multi vitamin
Keeping your house tidy and getting your car valeted
Fresh bed sheets
Up to date with laundry
3 meals a day

Sorry you've had a bad time of it
Self care I do well:
Not having late nights
Brushing teeth X2 a day and flossing
Regular hairdresser visits
Eating fairly healthy food and not skipping meals
Going for a massage/ treatment now and again.
Treat of a long lie once a week thanks to DH and not feeling guilty about it.
Always wash face and moisturise before bed

Self care I need to do better on:
Drinking water
Making time for doing things I enjoy like reading books instead of TV
A proper skincare routine
Make more time for exercise
Hand moisturiser

I take a multivitamin plus iron every day.
I always remove my makeup and apply moisturiser.
I apply body lotion all over most days.
I exercise every day - even if it’s just a brisk walk in my lunch break or 15 minutes of Pilates.
I eat my 5 a day most days.
I get enough sleep.

Are those those the sort of things you mean OP?

Op, my thoughts my this are going to sound odd. The lessons I learned growing up taught me to ignore myself and my needs at a very fundamental level. It's a big deal for me now when I'm cold to actually get up and get some socks, to make a nice cup of tea just because it would make a moment more pleasant for me, to not keep or only but the crappy cheap things that I don't really like. The way I look after myself is really, really basic but means a lot to me. It shifts moment to moment the more I pay attention to my needs or "minor" discomforts.

I have a skincare routine. For me I put a good song on and it takes the length of the song to do!
I take vitamins by keeping them by the kettle
One day a week I don't leave the house. It's my time for pottering, cleaning, having a bath/painting toenails/shaving legs, watching TV etc etc
I clean my teeth early on if I won't be eating again so I might take makeup off and clean teeth as I get home from work

Please always brush your teeth! I had post partum depression when my son was born and I stopped brushing my teeth as much... or my hair... and in the end it really came back to bite me because I ended up having to have a root canal when I'd never previously even had a filling... i also had to have loads of my hair cut off because it just couldn't be untangled...do try and complete basic hygiene tasks no matter how you feel, at least try, it can have a really bad effect if you dont.

Self care for me is about getting time alone away from my family... I like to walk alone in the woods or read with a cup of tea. I also like to have a bath with scented candles etc... just space on my own to feel like an individual. I get pretty overwhelmed sometimes as I'm a SAHM to two young children one not even in nursery yet, and my husband works 12 hrs days with commute time added on to that... so time alone makes me feel human again.
What is it that gives you joy? Music, books, films, looking at beautiful nature outside, exercise, driving around, foods, glass of wine etc etc just taking some time to focus on whatever it is that brings you joy personally can be really good self care I think

Thank you all for replying.

@Passthecherrycoke it's all the things you mention!

Eating whole foods, taking supplements, managing stress, emotional self care etc.

I don't even properly understand why I don't take care of myself properly. I know I'm not depressed, I have a great home, wonderful husband and a very successful business. It just feels like I don't care about myself for some reason. But in other ways I do like having my hair done, always having my nails painted, wearing makeup and nice clothes. Other parts like eating right just fall away

I find a little bit of quiet and I plan. Plan the next holiday, plan a night out at something, plan my house renovations, plan Christmas, plan a kids party, plan a great meal. It’s like rest for my head doing that.

I say no very often.
It took me so long to hone the skill of saying no that I never miss an opportunity to practise so I don’t fall back into people pleasing.
No to irritating CFs
No to social events that I don’t want to go to
No to work when they’re taking the piss.

If I don’t draw boundaries around my time and energy, no one else will.

I have also been unpicking my childhood recently and I feel like a lot of my needs were ignored. I have struggled to identify that I neglect myself as on the surface, like you, I do the traditional 'self-care' stuff which is about your appearance and wanting to be perceived well rather than caring about myself. For example, I do brush and floss my teeth everyday so that they look white, always have clean and styled hair, wear make-up everyday, etc. However, anything "invisible" to others that I have to do for myself I seem to struggle to find the energy to do - preparing healthy meals, getting to bed at a good time, going out of my way to plan to meet up with friends and going on outings, drinking enough water etc. What @dudsville mentioned really resonates with me as I always ignore things like when I am too hot or too cold and doing something like opening a window or putting on warm socks seems like such a small thing to do that would involve taking care of yourself.

I think ways that would be good to make sure you take care of yourself is to try and parent yourself. For example, giving yourself a bed time as a parent would give a child, plan social activities the way a parent would organise play dates, check in with yourself at the end of the day with journalling or meditation the way a parent would ask a child how their day was. I don't know, it's hard.

Sorry I have not given much advice.

There are lots of things I DON'T do. But it's probably helpful to list some things I do.

Drinking a glass of water - it is the very first thing I do in the morning
Also, let me share this cool thing: waterglass.oneclicklab.com/

Taking supplements
Making a meal plan
Cut down on addictions - reality TV, sugar (next is internet)
Soak in the bath at least once a week with bath oil
An early night
Trying, trying, trying to keep a clean and tidy house

I need to work on exercise and stress/work life balance.

@namechange2311 exactly it's the invisible stuff I don't do

Thanks for the link @GoldfishGirl not drinking enough is definitely something I do

I find it really hard too, and self care links to how confident and good. I'm feeling. Eg if I'm feeling more self confident I will do my hair and make up. I also neglect to brush my teeth - been terrified of dentists and not been in years, teeth are in a state tbh and it can hurt if I brush them or the gums bleed. Am brushing just gently atm

For me it's little things. My work is really busy and stressy and I cope by being really organised, prioritising tasks and focusing on the day not worrying about the future.

For me -
Nice shower with lush products
Straightening my hair and wearing make ul
Making myself get up and dressed even on lazy weekends
Making myself leave the house every single day
Being strict over bedtime (doesn't always work)
Not volunteering. I used to love voluntary work and it is valuable, but for me it's linked to a sense that it's not OK to just do anything I always have to be busy. I'm retraining myself that actually it's OK to relax, colour, watch TV
Making time for NA or AA meetungs
Getting back into my creative writing
Buying the nice shampoo and conditioner I like, not the most expensive lovely stuff but the one that's 8quif a bottle and good for my hair
Freezing water and drinking plenty of it
Mindfulness exercise before bed
Colouring

In fact tonight involves self care. I've been to aa meeting and had costa, home now to chuck washing in and do a quick hoover. Sort clothes for morning, sort bag for morning, write to do list for tomorrow. Possibly no shower as bloody landlady is painting her bathroom still so couldn't shower last night and possibly not tonight. But going to shut my door and block out sounds of her nuisance dog barking and her nagging her son over and over, and watch the crown and eat chocolate and drink water and colour. Possibly going to pub for sift drink with friend

I think ways that would be good to make sure you take care of yourself is to try and parent yourself. For example, giving yourself a bed time as a parent would give a child, plan social activities the way a parent would organise play dates, check in with yourself at the end of the day with journalling or meditation the way a parent would ask a child how their day was. I don't know, it's hard.
This is good advice I think. Another one here who definitely has issues stemming back to childhood, I think maybe that is why I feel so frazzled with parenting sometimes a) because I have high expectations and I'm too hard on myself and b) because I was always taught to put everyone else's needs first and that I wasn't important enough to have my own needs addressed (plus constant criticism/negativity etc and an emotionally absent parent).

Watching this thread with interest. I do get the gist of self care but with a toddler in the house, I am struggling.

I think you might have hit on something. I'm ok at cleaning my teeth but there are things I do that I shouldn't and things I should that I don't. I had a narcissistic mother. Perhaps we don't believe we should be cared for.

You deserve to be looked after and cared for OP.

Start with something small like:

Fresh fruit with breakfast
Walking round the block for fresh air
Reading a few pages of a book
Buying yourself some fresh flowers
Having a bath and not rushing

Funnily enough my dentist once told me many women don't brush their teeth properly as they don't give themselves enough time. I had mine cleaned by the hygienist recently and they felt so much better afterwards.

for you.

I eat right. This means no junk, no crap sugar, no crap carbs. Wine often though.

I buy nice clothes. I go outside as much as possible.

I sleep as much as possible.

I work. This means the kids are in kids club/daycare more than I'd like but honestly it's for my mental health to work.

Yes to parenting yourself. Treat yourself as you would a small child.

Early bedtime
Nutritious meals (even the basics eg porridge with banana rather than a Danish pastry; eggs on toast rather than a takeaway)
Fresh air every day
Medicine, baths and clean clothes when needed

Etc.