In-laws :(

[belle1719]

Help! Has anyone else on here disliked (i'm being kind) their in-laws so much that they've actually thought twice about starting a family through fear of years of misery spent in the company of their in-laws?? Current situation while ttc :(

MIL is lovely as are all my BFs siblings.

However his father is a misogynistic, racist, homeophobe who makes my skin crawl.

I hate how he interacts with his other grandchildren.

I had a wobble last year and nearly broke up with him. A big factor is that I don’t want his Dad to be part of my wedding day, life events, have anything to do with my kids.

Luckily we live on the other side of the country so When we do have kids visits will be infrequent.

I would think very long and hard about your marriage and having children. What really matters is where your husband is in all this. If he panders to them and doesn't have your back, you're doomed. It will never get better if he doesn't have the balls to stand up to them.

In my case it was all fine. They live far, we rarely saw them.
SIL had children so they were always together.
Then we had DCs and suddenly we must see them a lot more and there is a lot of pressure from SIL and MIL. It has caused problems in the marriage.

My MIL was fine, until she remarried. Since then she has adopted his family’s “culture” and beliefs and erased her own history completely. (About some pretty huge things, too.) She has become racist and homophobic. My husband was not brought up that way. I would not have been attracted to him, let alone married the guy if he even had a cell that oozed either of those things. He is gobsmacked at the change. As well as this, she has completely changed her feelings about reuniting with the child she had adopted when she was a teenager. Originally she was thrilled about this, but since her hubby no 2’s 1st wife had also had a baby as a teen, but nobody knew about it until she was dying of cancer - her whole family resent the time they spent reuniting, as it was her final weeks, and they feel it should have been focused on them. Ergo, MIL has followed suit. (Doesn’t matter that her two other sons adore the guy.) Gaaaaah!!! Also, she is a manipulative shit who plays victim rather than admitting that she’s being an arse. She will never be welcome in my house.

Does your Dh know how you feel? Is he in agreement that they are not nice people? If he adores them and panders to them and can't see the awful things you can see, then I wouldn't want to have a family with him. However I feel he agrees that they aren't nice people and he has set boundaries then maybe you could have a happy future without much contact with them.

However 'if he agrees' ...

Well if there that bad and your DH isn’t in the same page as you I would be reconsidering too. The in-laws are your family and once DC arrive if your relationship isn’t great it tends to continue and leads to conflict. Your baby will be there Ds baby and they have rights and you will be side lined. I was treated like a pod by mine. I actually do have a decent relationship with the MIL but FIL is a dreadful man. It was him that saw the woman as pods