Struggling after graduating from university

[onlyimagine]

I'm 23 and I finished university in the summer and am living back at home with my family. I am feeling a bit down and worried about the future. I know writing this is all going to seem pathetic and I will probably get told to grow up and move out. However, I just want to get it off my chest as I think it will help.

University was really stressful for me as I developed anxiety which I have not told anyone about. In my second and third year I would get panic attacks nearly everyday and would just sit through the panic attacks and try and distract myself by typing my lecture notes over and over again on my laptop. In my final year I was really stressed and had a few illnesses caused by stress. It took a month after finishing my final exam for my eyes to stop twitching. I just felt completely drained.

I did well at university and planned to have a few weeks off after graduating to try and calm my anxiety before starting to apply for some jobs in my field. However, those weeks have turned into several months. In the mean time I have been helping out at home with my younger siblings and my Dad's business and living off of my savings. My anxiety has reduced and I haven't had a panic attack in a while. However, I am so scared and nervous to apply for jobs. I am already dreading Christmas as I know that my extended family will ask if I have found a job yet. I have also been avoided meeting up with friends as I know they will ask what I am doing. I graduated with a first class degree but I just feel completely incompetent and that I have nothing to offer. I have always suffered from a lack of confidence. I am gutted as I know writing this you are all going to be thinking I am lazy and self-indulgent when that couldn't be further from the truth.

I feel quite down and hopeless. But I am also so relieved to be able to breathe a bit and have some relief from my anxiety. But then I also feel guilty and like a disappointment for feeling like that. I feel like I can't speak to anyone in real life about this as my parents are under so much stress at the moment which I have been helping out with. My younger siblings are all currently going through personal things that require my parents' help and attention.

I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you.

Congratulations on fighting your fears and coming out with a good degree. I used to work at a uni and have also had two children go through uni. It is really common to feel like you do after finishing. My advice would be to start applying for jobs expecting early applications and interviews to be mainly for practice. Most graduates don't find the right job straight off. You have to try things to find a good fit. What field of work are you interested in?

Don’t castigate yourself, OP. I think the immediate post-graduation period is quite difficult for a lot of people. Some of your friends will almost certainly be experiencing similar, even if they’re working. It sounds to me as if you’ve taken the time you needed, and that’s intelligent, rather than self-indulgent. Could you stretch to some counselling? It sounds as if you would really benefit from having someone you’re not conscious of ‘burdening’ to talk about the sources of your anxiety and how to manage it. Can you draw on the resources of your university for careers service stuff?

And congratulations on your First.

I graduated in the summer too, and I'm 24. I also have anxiety. So I know the feeling.

I know how scary it is applying for jobs. It feels huge. But actually I find having a job is a big help for my anxiety. It gives me structure and routine, it makes me feel worthwhile because I'm providing for myself, and it stops me sitting at home overthinking things that happened 7 years ago that I can do nothing about.

May I ask what your degree was in? Someone might have ideas about where you can go next.

Have you got any help for anxiety? It’s good that they have been under more control lately, but job hunting and new jobs can be stressful for anyone. I don’t think they are suddenly going to be better all themselves.

If you don’t want to talk to your family then start with your GP, there are few things you can try and can’t do any harm. Be brave!