Are play dates always this painful to arrange

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Mother of a 2year old DD, I work full time and none of my friends have kids yet- not even close to having kids. I’ve started to meet the odd mum from the nursery and have tried to arrange the odd get together and vice versa:

Mother 1 can’t go anywhere without her husband, which basically means if my husband is working or has plans I feel like I’m tagging onto their family outing

Mother 2 doesn’t drive- not an issue in itself but references the journey in every meet up message (no issues if you don’t drive but as an adult just get somewhere in anyway you can: bus, Uber, I don’t care I just don’t need to know)

Mother 3: took 2 months to respond back to me (when I was responding to her initial invite). Back and fourth over what we should “do”, fitting in around her child’s extra activities, and then pushing to travel to North London (we live in Kent) to go to a National Trust house to see Father Christmas. We have Father Christmas’ locally, my 2 year old will not appreciate a sodding Tudor house.

Seriously how hard is it to find a mother who can step out locally to a park for an hour to let a couple of 2 year olds burn off some energy, perhaps a coffee. That’s all I’m after.

Sorry had to vent

It's so hard i gave up.

I have three kids.

I never arranged play dates until they were in about year one I’d say. By that age they have established friendships and you have got to know parents a bit better.

Plus they are at a good age to play proper games with friends.

2 is a bit young I reckon. I prefer to take my 2 year old to parks and play centres then let her find kids to play with

Play dates don't happen at that age. 2 is too young.

Mother 2 doesn’t drive- not an issue in itself but references the journey in every meet up message (no issues if you don’t drive but as an adult just get somewhere in anyway you can: bus, Uber, I don’t care I just don’t need to know)

Perhaps the journey is too much hassle on public transport or too expensive. Its rather cold and wet at this time of year, it's horrible having to wait for busses when your child and you are tired, cold etc.

Have you offered to drive them?

Honestly I just head out to the park/playgroup and start chatting to whoever is there 😊

Sorry to be the one to state the stupid question but did you make any friends on mat leave?

It’s hard enough to arrange my social life. I’m fucked if I’m doing it for my two year old too.

Definitely trickier if you are working full time, especially if that's typical office hours. I didn't really manage to arrange anything for DS1 when I worked full time. It's easier now since having DS2 as I'm around in the week and they do their various activities in the week too, so it's not a case of trying to fit everything in outside if work hours.

To answer the questions:

Mum 2 I did end up driving to get her, and even put an additional car seat in my car to make things easier . I can’t do that every time though.

I went to the odd baby group on Mat leave but didn’t make any friends- tbh it didn’t bother me as my sister is a SAHM and my partner is self employed so I never got lonely. I only really try for play dates now as I want my LO to have “friends” and it’s nice to chat to other mothers at a similar stage

Have you offered to drive them?

Surely that's unnecessary. Are they housebound due to not driving? How do they normally get out and about?

In my experience they'll largely ignore each other or occasionally nick each other's toys and push each other over! Not really worth the hassle

I wish you lived near me op, you sound in a similar situation and my sort of person.

sniffysnifferson damn !!!

Wherein kent?! This will be me very very soon!

Do not bother. Wait until your child chooses her own friends at school.

Ugh, that sounds ridiculously hard work! Are there any regular playgroups near you? Just go to those and over time a social network may form of its own accord...

I would find a nice local Saturday or Sunday morning baby music/ gym or the like class. That will give you a group of mums to connect with and you might click with some and have a coffee after.
If you're working during the week having that will give a nice structure. We did a baby music class on a saturday and i loved it.

Just let Mother 2 suggest where to meet? Or be tactful and suggest places you know are easily accessible to her.

I wouldn’t bother about arranging meet ups for your 2 year old’s sake, they’ll get plenty of social interaction at nursery.

If you want company of other toddler mums how about hang out at the local playground and see who looks friendly? That way at least there’s a good chance they are the type of mum who wants to hang out at the playground, rather than go to national trust or stick with their husband... Easier in warmer months admittedly. Maybe a Saturday class as a pp suggests?

If you work full time and your DC goes to nursery, then they're getting all the socialisation they need right now. Do yourself a favour and don't bother. You choose your own friends, regardless of their family status and let your DC choose theirs when they are old enough!

If you want company, OP, just see your own friends. Children that young don’t need and don’t benefit from play dates. I never bothered until DS had made some friends at school, and even now (Year 3) we prioritise other children in the village, which can be last-minute and spontaneous.

Thanks all think I’ll knock the effort on it’s head. I do see my own friends but whilst they love my child they understandably don’t want to spend a Saturday morning in a park or soft play.
Give it another few months and I’ll prob put my daughter in a sport type class.

ClairParavel not far from bromley