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Bad Weather Friend?

11 replies

Badweatherfriend · 21/11/2019 18:58

I've a long standing friend (DF) of 20+ years, who 15 years ago married into my family. DF has always been somewhat competitive, often comparing how well they are doing to various extended family members and worried about being seen as a 'poor relation'. They also have always had a bit of a chip on their shoulder about having achieved a lower level of education than most of the rest of the family. I don't care about any of this stuff. We all have nice partners, good jobs and enough money, that's all that matters and comparison is pointless, it really doesn't matter.

DF has over the past few years been very supportive through a terrible period of ill health, which has affected our finances, jobs, relationship and quite frankly scared the shit out of DH and I. Luckily we have now come through this but it has been a horrendous time, really long hard slog where it's not overstating it to say we thought that one of us might die.

Despite this, we have a lovely life. We love each other a lot and have come out the other side strong. Finances have taken a bashing but we're ok, can still pay the mortgage, have both held onto our jobs and can now start building up more of a buffer again. In short, we've had a shit few years but we're happy. Additionally this year, we've both been lucky enough to be promoted and get bonuses/payrises. Finally, I'm pregnant, which obviously we've been putting off for a while due to the health issues.

For the last month (since we've had the final all clear health wise, one of the promotions and announced the pregnancy) DF has been really rude. Overtly rude about DH and made several digs at me which have hurt. Some around the theme of being arrogant and some about DHs appearance. I find this really hard to take. We are not arrogant, we are just happy with what we've got. We have worked hard and overcome some significant obstacles and I know lots of that is to do with luck as well. We don't take what we've got for granted, we continue to work hard and are thankful every day for each other, our jobs, our house and our friends and family.

DF has also made several comments regarding how pissed they'll be if I turn out to be pregnant with a boy, as I'll be stealing their glory as 'the only girl mum' Confused

Looking back over the years of our friendship this is a pattern. DF is a brilliant friend when things are going badly for us (we've had significant issues caused by DHs family) but when things start to go well it's all snidey comments and really personal digs. I'm just a bit tired of it if I'm honest and a bit disappointed. I wouldn't wish bad times on anyone and am so happy for my family's and friend's happiness and success and just wish she could be the same way. I really want to start seeing less of DF but feel this makes me ungrateful for the support she's given during the hard times.

Has anyone had a friend or family member like this? How did you deal with them?

OP posts:
Badweatherfriend · 21/11/2019 19:01

Sorry, obviously in the middle there, that should say only boy mum. We've had 20 years of no boys in the family until DF had a boy 4 years ago.

OP posts:
Badweatherfriend · 21/11/2019 19:27

Bump

OP posts:
onthecoins · 21/11/2019 19:54

I've known people like this. They like it when you're down. They get to be the hero, the knight in shining armour.

They're jealous and uncomfortable when things are going well. I had one of these that I felt almost tried to sabotage my happiness when things were going well, because they no longer got to play the hero role they'd chosen for themselves.

Badweatherfriend · 21/11/2019 20:10

Honestly it does feel a bit like that. As soon as things are going well she starts putting the boot in, in a way that makes me think she doesn't want me to be happy Sad

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 21/11/2019 20:27

Jealousy is a dreadful trait to have.

I would get rid of this df as soon as possible, all she will do is pull you down with her negativity.

Congratulations on your pregnancy 💐

fedup21 · 21/11/2019 20:33

How close a family member did she marry? Can you speak to the person she married-your brother or whoever it is?

Badweatherfriend · 21/11/2019 20:44

It's a very close family member, but that person can be very sensitive so I worry saying anything at all would cause a fall out.

OP posts:
FraglesRock · 21/11/2019 21:42

Just back away, don't reply to hurtful texts. Don't arrange events together where possible. Just be polite and don't get into info about you.

YellowBup · 21/11/2019 22:00

Jealous. Get rid slowly or quickly. Enjoy your nice new life Flowers and don’t look back.

SuperMeerkat · 22/11/2019 12:30

Yup, I have an ex-friend who was just like you describe. Didn’t really realise it at the time but it’s not very nice and wearing too. Not a nice feeling when you realise you’re being used to make someone else feel better about themselves.

Wonkybanana · 22/11/2019 12:44

Recognise that she's very insecure. You say she has a chip on her shoulder. When you're going through a bad patch it boosts her self esteem, which is normally at rock bottom. After all, her life isn't as bad as someone else's, yours. Then when things are on the up for you, she's back to feeling like the family loser, and tries to bring you down again, or find fault with your life to make herself feel better again.

It's a rotten way to behave, and understanding why doesn't make it any better. You don't need to feel ungrateful for her help, you need it so take it. But equally gratitude doesn't mean you have to put up with her attitude now. Reduce contact and if you have to see her challenge her. When she says something reply with something like 'why would you say that?' And IF you're feeling generous, maybe you could say something to boost her confidence a bit.

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