Third baby, sick and depressed

[CHM152]

Hi

For all this is my third baby I have always been a lurker rather than a poster.

I am pregnant with my 3rd baby my other two are 7 & 5. It was planned but not very well thought through maybe like that feeling of a last chance to do it all again and the next thing you know it’s really happened and we somehow dare to be shocked!!

The thing is I felt bad enough during my first pregnancies, I didn’t particularly enjoy them! But this one is torture! I am so nauseous and being sick, I am picking up every little bug under the sun I’ve been on and off work so god knows what they think of me!! I am absolutely exhausted!!! I only feel remotely slightly better if I’m laid flat or sleeping!! I spend most of my time crying and I don’t have an ounce of excitement in me!! Is this normal for third or more babies? I literally feel like the worst mother to my other two at the moment I just can’t function. I am ten weeks now and I can’t even think of how I’ll get to the end!

I guess I’m looking for advice on morning or should I say constant sickness!! Has anybody else ever been very down in pregnancy? What’s it like having three? I feel so guilty but I just can’t see me with a third baby! I Know I am so lucky but I feel guilty and selfish as if I just want my life before pregnancy back!

Any advice would be hugely appreciated!!

Xx

I can't advise on the awful sickness but I had the same gap when I had my youngest (oldest was 7½, next one nearly 6) and it was lovely. They both doted on the baby.

I did feel very down in that pregnancy for some reason . . . I saw the Dr and got referred for antenatal depression. In my case it wasn't all that bad and just knowing that it had been acknowledged that I was feeling bad, and that there was support there if I needed it, was enough to lift me a little. Still, I worried desperately about the children I already had, felt guilty that I was too tired to do stuff with them when pregnant (I have since realised that I spent my entire pregnancy with DC1 worried about DC1, spent my entire pregnancy with DC2 worried about DC1, and my entire pregnancy with DC3 worried about DC1 and DC2!)

There's a good chance that after 11/12 weeks the sickness will ease a bit. You are a quarter of the way through!

Have you seen your Dr about how you are feeling?

Thankyou so much for replying balloonslayer!

I went to the doctors earlier in the week and I went to tell them all of this but I just walked in with a smile on my face and they tested my blood for low iron and gave me some antibiotics for a water infection! I couldn’t talk to her about how I’m feeling mentally!! I tried to but I just couldn’t get it out there!

I know that my kids will just love it!!! They are baby mad!!! But this time around it’s so hard! I think I’ll go back to doctors and see if I can get referred for what’s going on in my head!! One of my big worries is that because I feel this way I’ll hit post natal depression.

Thanks for the advice I really appreciate it an it’s nice to hear someone say I’m not alone in how I’m feeling! And you have been there and done it and now it’s fine!!

Thanks again
Xx

I am bumping for you as I think there must be lots of posters with similar experiences who can empathise and advise.

Talk to your midwife about how you feel, she should be able to access support for you. I've just had DS2 11 weeks ago, but had anxiety and depression come back when I was pregnant due to PTSD from a traumatic first birth. I tried to ignore the feelings for a while but when I eventually spoke to my midwife I got loads of support, was referred for counselling, went on antidepressants and got assigned a specialist health visitor for mental health closer to the birth who still supports me now. I just wish I'd asked for help earlier. Just go in there and be really honest about how you feel. Good luck

Thankyou! It’s so good to know that these types of support are available I had no idea!! I just assumed that they’ll say “your are pregnant not poorly get on with it”.

I have made an appointment with my GP for this afternoon. So fingers crossed I can get something for this sickness and speak to someone about how I am feeling!

Thanks so much for your help!
Xx

OP write down how you feel and pass that to your GP if you suddenly can't put into words how you are when you are in your appointment.

Good luck for this afternoon. You’re doing the right thing. It might be an idea to write down how you are feeling so that if you clam up at the dr you can just hand them the paper.

I suffered with ante natal depression on my last (very much planned and wanted) baby. I had pnd on my previous pregnancy so when I started to feel the similar way I spoke with the consultant, felt sick even mentioning it but they were great, I was referred to a psychologist and started on antidepressants, the rest of the pregnancy went smoothly and I had no problems after he was born.

@mrsm12 can I ask about the anti depressants, any side affects or risk for the baby?
I'm waiting for referral to the mental health team in the maternity hospital, three weeks for an urgent appointment
Anyway I'm really struggling especially with work and I'm only 28 weeks so it feels like I'm going to be stuck in this state for a while yet.

Be gentle on yourself. Pregnancy is hard work! Don't underestimate the effect that hormones have on our emotions, I'm 29 weeks and feel like it's been 29 weeks of PMT. everyone is different, is important that you're being open and honest about your feelings, but don't judge yourself for them. You are genuinely doing the best you can, be proud of that.
❤️

Ohh you are in the early, icky phase and with two older children to care for! I was you two yrs ago. Third pregnancy was awful. I felt so Ill and cross and angry all the time and like crying a lot. Plus had to have loads of stressful growth scans.
In the end what worked for me was, time.. It got better as I hit second trimester. I got referred to birth centre team and then eventually home birth team. The care from midwives in these teams was far far better than I'd ever had before. Lots of care, lots of chance to talk and lots of support.
Thirdly, I left work really early on. I was due in the May and I left in February.

Lots and lots of rest and don't expect too much of anything right now. Your kids won't remember this, they will soon have a lovely baby to play with!

My ds is 18 months now and life is tiring and busy, but really good and the older two adore him!

It will get better!

Hi

Your response actually made me cry a little in a nice way as you are right it will get better!! The weeks seem like years but I will get there! Third pregnancies are obviously tough!! I’ve said it a hundred times, if this was my second there would never have been a third!! But again I have to think I am so lucky to be in this position!

Thanks so much for your wise words! They are truly appreciated!!

Xx

OP how did you get on at the GP?

I have three.

I would say try and enjoy every moment of this pregnancy (well apart from the shitty parts)

As when you have had your final baby it’s an odd set of feelings as it’s a bit sad. That you won’t need your womb etc anymore. That you’ll never be pregnant again. That you’ll never have all of those magical experiences again.

So value them.

@WeShouldOpenABar there's certain antidepressants that are safe for use in pregnancy and bf, I'm on lustral. 3 weeks is crazy, could you ring and ask to be put on the cancellation list? Hope you get sorted soon

Thanks for answering @mrsm12, are you getting on well with them?
The service is over stretched my appointment is Wednesday I've held it together this long just a bit more.

I was put on sertraline towards the end of pregnancy and still on it now. It's been fine, and safe for baby and for breastfeeding. We just had to stay in hospital overnight for baby to be observed for withdrawal symptoms after the birth before we could go home, but he didn't have any and I think they are quite rare anyway.

Hi sorry for the late reply!! I was prescribed with some anti sickness tablets! I poured my heart out to a lovely GP who said that I shouldn’t suffer!! They work until about 3pm when this absolute wave of tiredness comes over me and I feel awful! But I’m Thankful for the relief at the beggining of the day! I’ve had some problems with my employer this week my boss isn’t happy that I took time off last week for sickness she has a “pregnant not poorly” view and all of that!! but hey ho!! What can she do!! I’m much stronger this week mentally and I can see things more clearly! I’m still not excited but I am sure that will come! Thanks again for all of your kind, helpful words and support
Xx