Please, take my money...and leave me alone!

[NameChangerDanger]

DD started school this year. Bloody hell, it’s hard work.

We get at least four million messages a day via e-mail, WhatsApp and Facebook and a good 75% of them are essentially asking for money. Some in a direct way (please send us £10 per term), others ever so slightly less so (sell these raffle tickets, the unspecified prizes are amazing, by the way...could you donate a prize?) and some dressed up as wholesome family fun (make us a “jolly jar”...we’ll flog it at the school fete...and judge you on your creative efforts in the process).

Argh! I work in a high stress, full on job and any time I have is spent doing things my family actually want to do. Not sticking stuff to bloody jam jars.

I’ve sent them a lot more than they’ve asked for via the direct route, in an effort to quell my guilt (and because I genuinely want to support the school). Of course, none of the PTA know that, and I’m not going to make any friends going round announcing it, so they all think I couldn’t give a shit. I’ve had to leave the WhatsApp group because I was going to have a bit of meltdown trying to juggle everything. Now I look like an awful person...

How does anyone cope with this for 14+ years?!

I sympathise. Our pta rep gets it and asks for a sum once a year to cover teacher and TA presents but we still get the jar and various other requests from the school, usually at short notice.

We both work full time in full on jobs with a commute. It is hard to keep on top of sometimes. I do as much school admin as possible on the train but I can't do everything that way. I don't remember there being anything like this amount of crap to deal with when I was at school.

You need to get ahead of the game and prepare. It gets easier as most schools do lots of things each year again and again so next year you may find it easier.

Amazon Prime is your friend for short notice dress up. Ignore the mums who are able to make an amazing costume out of nothing, these are in the minority, I also found that lots have grandparents with decent sewing skills.

Keep envelopes and small change in a fixed place at home. Empty book bags each evening and deal with the stuff immediately, same with all emails with attachments.

I found that if parental help is requested I offer to take one day annual leave a year and go with on a trip, DD was happy and I felt I did my duty.

While it is good to make friends and have an emergency support network, ignore the ones who look down on you.

46 years ago when I was in secondary education our school formed it's first pta and started asking for help and funds.
My df refused to engage in it as he felt it would enable government to reduce proper funding from taxes. How right he was.

My advise would be bung them money regularly if you can, it's what they like best.

I was shocked when at my ds's recently, the ridiculous amount of paperwork from dg's school was excessive.

I've got £20 a month on s/o (two kids) to the pta fund. It's infinitely easier, and probably cheaper tbh than responding to the last minute shite requests. I work f/t in a high pressure role and I'm very happy that I've made this decision!

So much. I have two schools at it and they never seem to talk to each other (holding open days on the same day was a classic, choosing whether to watch one DC in the nativity up at the church vs another DC in a full scale secondary production is also a nice dilemma to have). They use different online systems which require you to log in and download apps and who knows what else - and there is so much faff. Add in spellings and projects and trips and fancy dress ... I’m ten years into dealing with it and I’ve ten years left to go. No one warns you.

I agree, I was saying to dh the other day about this it drives me insane. I wish you could just pay £100 a year to the pta and not get inundated but the constant emails/ WhatsApp/ notifications.

I’m really, really pleased that there are other people out there thinking this! I’m going with £50 a term and maybe an offer to pay for something specific if the need arises.

DH ripped up the raffle tickets in protest

I’m actually on quite good terms with the chair of the PTA. We can have a drink without even mentioning school. I hope it can stay that way!

I'm a parent and a teacher.

My worst one is paying to watch your own child in a show.

You need to get ahead of the game and prepare. It gets easier as most schools do lots of things each year again and again so next year you may find it easier.

I don’t want to encourage them!

I didn't do stuff unless the DC wanted to. We never sponsored anyone or bought any raffle tickets.

Agree with PP above who said you tend to get the same events every year so you can get prepared in advance. And we had a change jar in the kitchen as you always seemed to need to send your DC in with 50p or £1.

(They don't bother with this stuff at secondary. or if they do, they don't require parents to get involved).