My ex and I separated 5 months ago after finally escaping the coercive control and sexual abuse. I had never told anyone before about the first night he ever raped me, until I finally let it all out to my Mum the night I kicked him out. Which was almost 1 month after the final time he did it. I have always asked him why I should never tell anyone what he would do to me but he would make me feel like it was all my fault and that no one would believe me anyway. I started to get counselling and the more confident I became to talk about it the more I started to tell people what my husband was really like. I kept saying to everyone I'm not doing anything about it, I want to forget it and move on with my life. unfortunately I let him back in more and more, he started to ask all sorts of details about my life, would face time the kids to chat to me and pop over more in the weeknights to take the kids out. It was a friend who made me realise he was still controlling my life and getting involved too much. I found out in October that he was not seeing a girl 12 years his junior who he had met at work. This sent shivers down my spine and I became more and more concerned he would not seek help for his sex addiction (as he calls it) but just enjoy his time with this new girl instead. Over the next week or so I had spoken to friends and family. He came over to take the girls out trick or treating after he tucked them into bed he discussed with me selling the house as he wants to move on with his life.... Those words really stuck with me, how dare he think that he could make me and my children leave there stable home so he could move on with his life after damaging mine so much. I found myself reporting it all to the police the next day. What the hell was I protecting him for when he couldn't give a fuck about us????
The police came for my statement, an arrested him yesterday. I received abusive msgs from his father!! and the police lady told me he denied it all.
I have a msg from him on my phone that says "I only raped you once!"
He agreed the msg was from him, but has now said that at the time he sent it he wasn't sure what rape was and I had told him to get on with it therefor he now denies that it was rape at all. I'm angry, I know he wouldn't exactly sit there and admit it but he's made up an entirely different scenario to the actual first incident and the final one on the 28th May he has said Im lying we didn't have sex at all, despite a msg I sent to him telling him how much it hurts and how I was so disgusted with him.
anyway, the police have told me that It is basically my words against his, and that if I press charges it may not reach court for another 2 years, Im not sure I have the strength to hang it out that long!!! An if I go through all that and he is found not guilty!! I just couldn't bare it. Apparently its a gruelling process for the victim because their life is pulled apart!!
So now I find myself asking the question, Do I press charges?? or let him get away with it?? for the sake of my children I want to move on but I want him to suffer more than just letting him go.
Im so confused, my head is completely frazzled and I have cried a lot with anger, fear and frustration.
I just don't know If i have what it takes.