Most ridiculous company-wide emails received?

[ShirleyPhallus]

Had a few gold ones in the last few weeks including:

• making sure for everyone to rinse out their mugs before they go in the kitchen with accompanying photos of dirty mugs (just in case you didn’t know what one looked like)

• obligatory “has someone lost a pass we found it in the ladies toilet” email which then transpires belongs to someone who was in a cubicle at the time and hadn’t actually lost it

• the very predictable phantom pooer which is shrouded in a very polite email asking “colleagues to respect our washroom facilities and use a brush and flush approach”

Anyone got any good ones?

The woman who mistakenly emailed 200 people when she only meant to email her boss:

It opened: sorry I can't make the meeting on the 5th, my plastic surgeon says it's too soon to be back at work.

Plastic surgery was not why she said she was off, and her face came back looking like she's tightened up the back of her head with an elastic band.

Used to work at HO of well known retailer (not just any retailer). Frequently company wide e mails came round looking for volunteers to test products.
One came out about a new lingerie range. Flurry of company wide e mails disclosing bra sizes but funniest was after couple of weeks and e mail to all giving feedback regarding chafing and a potential cause of thrush 😂😂

Love a fake scam email. I did almost click on a free chocolate bar one once!

We don’t get much in the way of poo emails these days since the main culprit left but we did get the odd ‘don’t flush paper towels down the toilet’. And no pooing in the toilet until the pipes are fixed (old building total nightmare plumbing and one bathroom between 10 people). Very awkward!

Now work somewhere where recently had an email from a hetrosexual individual announcing themselves as an ally to the brave trans folk and how in support they will be adding a footer of their preferred pronouns to their signature and could we consider doing the same.

We have had people publicly announcing that they will be doing this at work too! Utter madness.

We were emailed a detailed warning about our behaviour at the upcoming xmas night out (work provided building and buffet, we bought drinks) with a list of things we couldn't do.

Someone leaked it to the local press and nobody turned up to the event.

We all went to the pub, got drunk, flirted with colleagues (both were on the "don't do" list) and had a thoroughly good time.

This was the talk of the office for a long time

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2267824/amp/Receptionist-fiance-left-red-faced-sends-email-discussing-sex-life-entire-office.html

"Today I want you to take a moment to look out the window and appreciate why we do what we do"
"We need to avoid the secret squirrel culture"

Kind of need phishing email campaigns. It sometimes helps get the stupid ones to realise they shouldn't be clicking any damn link that pops up in their inbox. And no, that stranger in another country isn't actually willing to give you money. I say sometimes, you'd be surprised how many people who should be intelligent fall for things, that are obviously not safe. It's scary. Don't work in security if you want to keep thinking people are smart.

A scam email alert, sent to everyone, so thousands of employees. Unfortunately the person sending it did so from their personal work email, not his known company email address. Think 'Joebloggs@techdept' rather than '[email protected]' As only about 30 people were already familiar with that address, not only did it get left unread, Joe Bloggs received endless reports to his regular email about a scam email from an impersonator.

An email conversation that had about 30 recipients, with a few important big wigs cc'd in. Two recipients had clearly been simultaneously conducting a private and less than complimentary email conversation about a third recipient. An accurate and amusing comment about what they thought no. 3 was going to say next was accidentally shared with us all, literally seconds before no.3 confirmed their suspicions.

There's also an arse that really thinks he's something special and we all benefit from his inane and patronising ramblings. Especially amusing as he's pretentious as fuck, so they are crammed with incorrectly used words he thinks are impressive, and is obviously on a personal mission to include 'whom' and 'one' in as many sentences as possible, regardless of whether it's correct. Ridiculous because otherwise only the poor fuckers that work with him would consider him a wanker, now he's broadcast the fact to us all. Think someone higher up has shut him off as they've stopped recently. Shame, they were hilarious.

We had an amazing one from a senior director instructing everyone how to behave around his puppy that he would be bringing in to the office from now on so he could ensure it received the correct type of training without people distracting it. "If you cannot behave appropriately around the puppy, then I suggest you should not be around him."

@Youngatheart00 a blue one?

God it was amazing and I’d totally forgotten about it!

I just remembered another actually. Same team, same bank - I’d just started a new role and had been asked to do a cringy ‘about me’ section on a company podcast thing that the others in my team had to do as well. It was very bland, nobody cared.

Some gobshite in a related dept who’d obviously been given time specifically to listen, sent an email to what I’m sure he thought was to his mates only, asking who the fuck we were and why the fuck should he care. He didn’t. He emailed everyone in the wider team - up to and including directors. When someone pointed out he was being quite rude to the entire team, he only doubled down and did a ‘I’m sorry if anyone’s offended but I really don’t know these people or care what they do’.

Apparently this was kind of par for the course for him and he left shortly after. What a willy.

Otherwise popular colleague who uses the office email all address to occasionally advertise hideously over priced crap she's going to put on ebay but kind enough to give us a chance at first. Noone else would dare email like this

Our team was in talks with another two companies and had set up working groups, food industry. Our working group members has their own email thread going where they discussed personal opinions of the other teams reps, including phrases like “pompous oaf”, “promoted well above his ability”, “hard of thinking” etc
One day they needed the specific professional advice of one of our members on a technical matter and one of the members forwarded the whole chain to everyone instead of copying and pasting the relevant section and just forwarding that. It took a lot of apologising and red faces to get over the fall out

Once worked for a well known online retailer who doesn't like to pay tax... Email from a newbie IT person sent to all email addresses globally, including subsidiary companies. The reply alls kept coming as different time zones/countries came to work. It went on for days, crashing everyone's emails. Was a real lesson in time zones around the world and 'don't think this is meant for me?' in many many different languages

In the same company, a colleague once sent out a job advert to around 500 people with an unfortunate typo, asking for applications for the role of 'Cock Clerk'.. She didn't realise until she received many many applications from perverts stating their relevant experience and skills

We once had a ramsom ware attack. IT emailed everybody to tell us not to log on to the system...

We couldn't read the the email unless we logged onto the system.

Where I work our ordering system occasionally if someone is in the same account it's locked until the other person is finished this can be seconds or minutes. Often someone will email everyone in the company regardless if they have acesss that's several hundred staff to say locked in for 60 seconds .

Due to a shortage of staff in the canteen unfortunately there will be no custard today.

Still makes me laugh when I think about it!

One poor woman at my last job accidentally emailed the whole company (200+ people) an email obviously meant for a close friend.

It started with 'Hey, Feeling really crap today, just come on my period and had an awful argument with (DH name) this morning...'

I didn't read the rest. Glanced over at her desk and saw a colleague go and give her a hug, looked like she was in tears.

Was so mortified for her :(

We got an email asking people to stop shitting in the paper towel bin in the accessible toilet

We had someone shitting in the sanitary towel bin. Just why?

We had an email from HR a couple of weeks ago saying there was going to be an announcement and that no one's job would be affected and nothing to worry about. Several days of worrying and people trying to find out what it was all about followed. Then the announcement came and it was very clear that no one's job was impacted and there was nothing to worry about.

One about not telling the Boss how much his wife spent on high value items in auction. Got really awkward..

My name is powkin and I am a fork snaffler. I am sorry. I don’t know how it happens, one day I take one fork home, then suddenly there are 6 in my cutlery drawer and they have to be put back to work under cover of darkness when no one else is in the kitchen to see my secret shame.

I apologise on behalf of all fork snafflers to those who’ve experienced the indignity of being left to figure out how to eat spaghetti with a teaspoon.

I will start Fork Snafflers Anonymous to try and sort this problem once and for all.

Have any of you read "e" by Matt Beaumont?
The whole book is written as emails and is hilarious, especially the boss who uses reply all when he shouldn't, very similar to the things everyone's been saying in this thread. .
It's 19 years old now, so it could be dated, but if you get the chance, do give it a go.

"Set in a London ad agency desperate to land a coveted big account, e follows the bureaucratic bungling, cutthroat maneuvers, and outrageous sexual antics of a group of Miller-Shanks employees as they scheme, lie, lust, and claw their way up (and down) the company ladder."
www.goodreads.com/book/show/140065.E_

Company wide emails from individuals are banned in our company. It has to go through Internal Communications.

I used work in an industry whose core operations involved dealing with dangerous things - if procedures weren’t followed, people could (and did) die. Consequently health and safety was (rightly) taken extremely seriously.

In the course of trying to embed a ‘safety culture’ someone decided that scissors with points should be banned for all staff. To underline the point (if you’ll excuse the pun) an email was sent to all 6000 staff showing a picture of the forbidden scissors (with points circled in red) and the only acceptable scissors (which I have only ever seen in preschool settings). The picture was 20MB and proceeded to crash the entire IT system.

There was also the time they tried to ban high-heeled shoes (complete with picture of course), but a firm line was drawn at that one.