Can't stop dwelling on something at work today

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

I work in a GP practice. Today I had to deal with correspondence relating to a particularly horrible set of events. I can't stop thinking about it. I actually cried on the way home.

FWIW I'm a bit hormonal at the moment and cry at the drop of a hat...I cried earlier because I couldn't find the TV remote control.

Do I just have to ride this out?

It's hard isn't it. You can't close yourself off completely or you lose your compassion but you do have to remember that it is their sorrow not yours. Take care of yourself and debrief with a colleague if you can x

Take your time

Yeah have a natter with a colleague. Is there one that you feel comfortable with and can trust?
Maybe text or phone them? Coffee at work tomorrow?

That’s the only way we debrief, talk to each other.

I had this at work and I'll be honest I went home and got drunk it was that bad, thank god it was a Friday. After the weekend I went into work and said I need to talk to someone about this, I can't deal with it on my own. My manager was great and sorted it all out for me so that I could vent where I knew it was safe to and try to get my head around what had happened.

There should be someone available in your workplace who could debrief you. If you ask your manager I'm sure they would sort something out for you.

I feel a bit like I don't have any right to be affected by it because I'm not frontline...other people have been much more involved than me.

Sorry if I'm being vague but obviously I can't say too much.

Sometimes when you read casenotes it can make you feel physically ill and really affect you for years. I’ll never forget one set involving something that I’d better not say in here I’m case it affects anyone. Disgusting, agonising, so bad I’ve never even seen a horror movie containing it. Horrific.
I will never forget it. That was over 15 years ago. There should be someone you can talk to about these kinds of cases. We never had that as it was back in the day and you were expected to just get on with the job but now there should be more psychological support for those dealing with such cases.

As someone else said, give it a bit of time. Working in healthcare exposes you to stuff that other people fortunately don't have to think about or deal with, even if you aren't on the frontline. It might well just take a bit of time to get it out of your system. If, in a few days, you still feel very affected by it, talk to someone at work. I will be the first to admit that I am very bad at this (am frontline NHS), tend to let things build up and avoid talking until everything is overwhelming and blown out of proportion. I have a lovely, very supportive manager, who will listen to me at length once I get to the stage of admitting I am not coping with whatever happened, debrief me and reassure me, then I start to move on. Hopefully you will also have someone at work you feel ok to talk to if necessary. In the mean time, look after yourself and cry if you need to.

I think written stuff can be much harder than hearing it first hand and having something to do if you see what I mean. It’s ok to feel what you feel - and sometimes the only emotionally healthy response is to cry about it, in a safe place with support.

Hearing about trauma is often traumatic.

In the 90s in the army (especially in Bosnia) they encouraged people to talk at length about what they had seen the evening it happened. A lot of people reckon that helped a massive amount.

Well I've just had another cry whilst washing up and trying to pretend my head hurts when DCs ask me what's wrong.

I understand. I work non-clinically in the NHS and it happens to me. One particularly awful and sad set of circumstances I would say I think about every day. Have you got a colleague you can talk to about it?

< friendly pat >

This makes you human. Some things really are so awful. It's all around us, all the time. If I thought about it all the time I would burn out on the spot.

This got under your skin. Give it a few days, you will rationalise it. The brain is a clever thing like that...it allows you to get on with your life. Helping people as you do your job.

Cry. Reflect. Hang in there.

When I worked for the NHS I had access to an Employee Assistance Programme via phone, it was described as counselling but was actually more of a listening service and really helped me when I observed a really worrying event at work. I couldn't tell the full story because I had to preserve confidentiality but talking through how it was making me feel was helpful, do you have access to something like that? I hope you are feeling better soon, secondary trauma is a real thing and can deeply affect you.

If you need to cry then cry

I work in education and safeguarding stuff doesn't often come up but it really affects you when it does.

It's what makes us human. Being empathetic and compassionate is a fantastic trait to have.

I agree talk to colleagues if you can or practice manager.

Vicarious trauma is a thing, you know. And trauma doesn't care about the weird hierarchies of suffering humans conjure up to try and brush it away - it just strikes.

You are allowed to feel how you do and you are allowed to be kind to yourself while you're feeling this way.