Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Crying at drop off

4 replies

Garfieldsarm · 19/11/2019 11:02

DD4 cries every time I drop her off at nursery. She has been going to nursery since she was 2 and cries every day without fail.

It is getting worse. This morning she wouldn't even get out of bed because she was already beginning to grizzle.

She has a lovely time at nursery, and when I pick her up she's full of the exciting things they've done that day.

Things I have tried so far:

  • Sticker chart
  • A stuffed toy that can only go in her bag if she doesn't cry (this massively backfired as she cried even more when I had to take it away again)
  • Talking to her about the day and all the fun she has when she gets there
  • The very twee "hug button" she can press to feel Mummy's hug
  • Talking to nursery to make sure there's nothing going on

I drop her off swiftly - quick kiss and a hug, and then she goes into the classroom, where they tell me she stops crying pretty much immediately.

She is the same when DH drops her off, though perhaps not quite so histrionic. But it's always that she misses Mummy, not Daddy.

It feels slightly performative (she can occasionally be laughed out of it, but then remembers she's supposed to be sad and recommences sobbing), but she is also genuinely upset.

Her elder sister never did this - I think she kept it inside a bit more, even if she felt it.

DD4 gets plenty of time with me; she does 3 days at nursery, and 2 days at home with me all by herself, and I pick her up and take her to school. She is like this anywhere I drop her - e.g. gym class, so it really isn't specific to nursery.

This is her last school year before Reception. I am dreading the day she realises that if she literally refuses to walk to school, there's very little I can do about it! I hope we will never get to this stage, but I'm looking for advice on what worked for you.

OP posts:
Chocmallows · 19/11/2019 11:05

You are doing a lot to try to fix this, try instead not expecting crying, being surprised when she does, make little of it. It does sound like a performance and you unintentionally are her audience.

Garfieldsarm · 19/11/2019 11:08

@Chocmallows Thank you, that's helpful and I will try that.

I have tried ignoring the crying in the past, but she just dials it up and up until it's a full-scale tantrum, which makes it really hard to get to school. (And really unfair on DD7 who never gets to chat to me because I'm constantly wrangling DD4.)

OP posts:
ActualHornist · 19/11/2019 12:09

I think you need to toughen up a bit.

Come on now DD, you know there’s no reason to cry you love nursery! Give me a cuddle and I’ll see you later.

Doesn’t have to be completely hardball Wink but be a bit less concerned and bit more matter of fact.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Garfieldsarm · 19/11/2019 12:20

@ActualHornist I have tried being stern and matter of fact / telling her off and it just makes things worse.

It's about a 10 minute walk to school so even if I manage to get her halfway there with no tears, she's always worked herself up to it by the end of the walk.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread