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Am i or is my husband being unreasonable?

14 replies

Cherylxxx · 18/11/2019 00:14

Been married 7 years and our relationship was ok until i started thinking differently last year. Last november i fractured a couple of ribs just by coughing, couple weeks later got pleurisy so was in a lot of pain constantly. I struggled to my work every day as its our busy time of year so on my days off i didnt do much and tried to just let my body rest and heal. All through this time my husband constantly moaned i was being lazy, him coming home and i hadnt done much around the house but the worst part for me was his constant moaning and moods that i wasnt being intimate with him, i got constant digs and silent treatment. No matter how much i tried to tell him how much pain i was in and wasnt physically fit enough i still got the moods and childish digs. I ended up in hospital just couple days before new year for 12 days with pneumonia , still had pleurisy and at that point i had 7 fractured ribs. Still i was getting digs that he forgets what sex is and oohhh was i seeing someone else.... I thought he was selfish, ignorant and felt he couldnt care less about me, ( only my body) . He says im the selfish one and dont care about him. Am i or is he wrong? However discovered i had a few other health issues while i was in hospital, i have osteoporosis and a rare autoimmune disease so now on a lot of meds for life and get tired easy. Husband kept things up till i got better and things got back on track but i still couldnt shake the feelings ive had since then and find it hard to feel the same. Now ive found myself joining here to ask some other opinions as 4 weeks ago i again fractured a rib and since then i have done another 1 and have pleurisy in both lungs yet again. Im on morphine and antibiotics but still in a lot of pain an my husband has started all his crap yet again because its been a month without sex. Im really hacked off to say the least and feel im starting to hate him. Am i being unreasonable or am i right in thinking he is being selfish and inconsiderate?

OP posts:
Hedgehogblues · 18/11/2019 00:18

He's an arse

SquirellTamer · 18/11/2019 00:21

He is selfish and unreasonable. Does he understand just how ill you were/are?

Flower777 · 18/11/2019 00:26

He’s a total arse.

Sounds like you are really going through the wars OP - poor you.

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Ambivert · 18/11/2019 00:27

He’s a selfish and mean bastard.

The way you have been left feeling is completely correct - it feels like you are simply a convenient object that he is entitled to fuck regardless of discomfort or pain on your part.

Anyone who could show such utter disregard for your welfare is not worth spending another minute with FlowersFlowersFlowers

apple0pie · 18/11/2019 00:28

He's a complete idiot !

Angiefernackerpan · 18/11/2019 17:58

I have been ill with a nasty chest infection and the flu for about 5 weeks (not as ill as you though obviously). I'm on my third week off sick from work. DH, who works long hours and has been under the weather himself, hasn't complained once. He has picked up the slack with the DC and the housework. He has brought me little presents to cheer me up, made me tea etc. I'm not saying this because I think it's something to brag about, him being nice to me is the bare minimum. Your DH is a dick.

Shoxfordian · 18/11/2019 18:00

He's a knob

jess3817 · 18/11/2019 18:09

What a complete and utter dick.

I had pleurisy about 6 years ago and it was the worst 6 weeks ever. The pain was unbelievable - couldn't move when sitting up, couldn't lay down or anything, so know how you must be feeling - how he can't litterally see how much pain you're in is beyond me, never mind acting like prat just because he's not had sex.

Dowser · 18/11/2019 19:36

Good lord..horrendous
No, yanbu

I leant over something ..to pick something up from the floor and I felt my ribs pop
I’m not kidding it took the best part of 5 weeks before they felt ok..and laughing sneezing and coughing was well off the menu

Cherylxxx · 18/11/2019 22:38

Thankyou everyone for the replies. In my head i felt i was right thinking the way i do but he keeps saying im the selfish one and dont care about him and when hes constantly trying to grope me and i push him away cos hes hurting me its a major childish huff and mood again. Im not defending him in the slightest but i actually dont think he realises how much pain im in because im not writhing about oohhing and ahhing, im the type of person who tries to deal with things and get on as much as i can, but saying that i also think he doesn't really care. Between last year and all this now, not once did he or does he ever ask how im feeling.. Hes made the odd dinner recently , tidied up, cleaned kitchen and did the washings n put them away past couple weekends but you never hear the end of it,, said hes doing more than any man would !! I told him no most would probably do more and not go on about it an also pointed out the fact ive never went on about everything ive done for years.. Needless to say we are arguing a lot .Dowser, yes i know what you mean, i literally feel mine pop when it happens, its like a bolt to the body and sneezing n coughing is a nightmare, i hold a pillow to myself to try soften the blow but doesnt help that much. Jess3817, id only ever heard of pleurisy briefly till i got it for the first time last year, i never imagined it could be so painful.. I can only sleep sitting up in bed with several pillows to cushion me but as you'll know, every slight movement the pain wakes you up.. Angiefernackerpan, i would never think of that as a brag, in my mind thats the way it should be and im glad you have that. I hope you get better soon, really wears you down doesnt it. I think
Im sorry for such long posts but i dont really have anyone i can talk to about this, ive no family other than my daughters and ive not wanted to say anything to them about this . He is their stepdad btw. I think i know in my own mind i have to leave him as i think even once im better I'll always resent how he's been and wont ever feel the same about him as i used to.

OP posts:
Cherylxxx · 18/11/2019 22:42

We are in our 50's btw

OP posts:
1990shopefulftm · 18/11/2019 22:54

he's being selfish. I broke a rib from coughing myself last year and it was awful, let alone two and suffering from pleurisy that must be so difficult for you .
I wasn't right for a good few months afterwards but my DH never complained once that I couldn't do much for a while.
Even if you aren't verbalising your pain, its common knowledge that morphine is a strong painkiller so he surely could realise how bad it is if your doctors have prescribed you it.

justilou1 · 18/11/2019 22:56

Buy him a blow up doll. He won’t notice the difference. Fuckwit.

Majorcollywobble · 18/11/2019 23:02

YANBU
He’s behaving like a spoiled brat .
I don’t like to ill wish anyone but I hope he has something similar do deal with and soon . He’d change his mindset then I bet and would expect nursing . Concentrate on yourself and getting better . Flowers

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