I'm miserable having children

[Miserablemu]

I have a toddler being assessed for autism and a 7 month old baby, parenting is challenging and I appreciate nobody finds it easy, but I don't feel like I'm doing them any good at all. I have no patience, I'm sad and I'm angry.

I'm currently having tests to rule out or diagnose something sinister and I can't summon the patience needed to be a good parent. I'm preoccupied with the possibility of being seriously ill and all they are doing is screaming all day long.

I'm doing everything I should be, their needs are being met, they get plenty of attention. I don't feel like I'm what they need right now. I can't do it. I've barely got the "get up and go" to look after myself.

My toddler whines, whinges and has meltdowns all day long and continuously bashes his head on everything. The baby who used to be a placid happy little person has now become almost as whingey as the toddler. (Not teething and doesn't have colic)

I can't even turn my back to the bouncer for more than a minute or two to shower or do dishes because the baby has started to drag herself forward out of it so she's hanging upside down.

The red mist defended this afternoon and I found myself shouting at them to just shut up. I feel terribly guilty but my head is all over the place.

Please tell me I'm not alone in being a miserable mum

This post resonates with me as it reminds me of the sometimes sheer drudgery of having very young children whilst also trying to handle and navigate a life of your own...I can wholeheartedly promise you that things get very much easier and better as your children get older, you have a lot on your plate at the minute, be kind to yourself, take a nice bath, listen to a podcast, read a book-do something small for yourself every single day, you deserve this. Also do something nice with the kids every day, something really easy as you are more than likely shattered! read aloud together, giggle, make a tent, watch a movie, blow bubbles at them, make easy shortbread. I found the days I managed something small for myself and with the kids I felt like I was winning! Take care, this too will pass.

Thank you very much chief, I will take your advice. Just lately I've found myself wishing away the tiny and dependant years, but I feel guilty for that because I know for certain that once they're bigger and don't need me as much.. I'll miss this!

I love them beyond measure, I could just do with them being a little easier at the minute. I realise that's daft, it's them who rely on me to behave a certain way not the other way around

Your definitely not alone. I feel like this. I have 4 children, one is also being assessed for autism, have a baby and 2 older ones. It's bloody hard, really hard. Only advice I can give is give yourself a break, get someone to have the kids for you while you have some me time, even if you just go for a walk! Do this often. You need time to yourself.
I always feel loads better if I can leave them with someone while I go out for an hour even if it's just to the shop! It's peace. Don't be hard on yourself it's a tough job being a parent.

My DS is 3.5 and we're on the waiting list for asd assessment, he's an only child so haven't another child to consider, and I won't as I can't do this again, I also don't have health worries myself.

Becoming a mother has ruined my previously fine mental health, I'm sleep deprived, my body is a mess and my anxiety about DS, his development and possible asd rules my life, I'm a shadow of my former pre child self. And now I have the added stress of applying for EHCP and choosing a school for September.

Lack of sleep for me makes everything 10000 times worse, I feel touched out and my marriage it not what it was. I adore my DS, he makes my heart swell, but equally in many ways my life is much worse for having a child.

I too have shouted, everyone is frustrated due to his lack of communication and DS' struggle with sleep. It's so so hard but the hard times are lessening, his speech is improving and I hope we are starting to enjoy life a bit more.

I hope you get good news re your health. I have no specific advice regarding coping, as I don't practice what I'd preach, but your not alone.

Hang in there. You’re doing great. You have two tiny ones, one with additional needs and one who is reaching clingy baby stage. It’s bloody hard. Is there anyone who can help you or give you a break because it all sounds like a lot? Please don’t beat yourself up though, having small children can be brutal and no one is a saint.

Thanks so much for the replies, my heart goes out to anybody else who feels weighed down by the weight of motherhood itself or the challenges of having an autistic child.

I'm fortunate in the aspect of being able to have somebody else mind them for an hour or so if I want to check out for an hour and unwind, putting that down in writing has made me realise how unmotivated I've become because although I have the means to do that, I haven't bothered to. I need to and I will.

The ASD is very challenging as although he's not yet diagnosed, there's no doubt he has it. At the moment he's completely non verbal so the only way he's able to communicate his needs is by whinging

He's a wonderful little boy and when he's in a good mood he's an absolute delight, so I don't mean to moan about him. He doesn't deserve that.

Don't be afraid to ask for support from your GP, it's times like these when you need it. It's okay to ask for help when things are difficult.

PS: best of luck with your diagnostics.