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Original poster

Bf Can’t seem to let go

35 replies

Niajade · 17/11/2019 12:52

My Bf has recently split with his ex, she has her own house (she wants him to hv no involvement with), but yet he is allowing her to still hv a key for his house? Using the excuse it’s for convienience for The child’s belongings even tho they hv equal shared contact. Anyone think this is normal? The child is 3.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 17/11/2019 12:58

Was 'his house' their family home?

Does she do more of the mental load and organising?

Are there any issues around him being possessive/critical of her?

If it's 'for convenience' then I'd conclude that she does slightly more than him.

Crunchymum · 17/11/2019 13:16

Is your keyboard missing some letters? A and E perhaps?

Botherfreedays · 17/11/2019 13:25

Crunchymun Grin

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Relationship problems
DisplayPurposesOnly · 17/11/2019 13:27

Agree with PP about the letter rationing Grin

Also struggling to understand the problem... Your boyfriend has split up with his ex and they have a 3 year old who they have 50:50 shared custody. They each have a house; the ex doesn't allow your boyfriend to have access to her house. He allows her to have a key to his.

It sounds normal enough, albeit one sided. Does this arrangement suit them? Or does the ex use her key inappropriately?

Original poster
Niajade · 17/11/2019 13:43

No she doesn’t do more than him quite the opposite, it was the family home but with them having the child equal days I don’t see the need for her to be coming back and forth for clothing etc. Both have extremely well paid jobs so money isn’t an issue.

Btw the keyboard issue, is purely blamed on me txting too much 😂

OP posts:
WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 17/11/2019 13:44

How recently did the split and why does this have anything to do with you?

isspacethefinalfrontier · 17/11/2019 13:56

Is BF best friend or boyfriend?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 17/11/2019 13:59

Using the excuse it’s for convienience

Why would you bf need to give excuses to anyone about how he chooses to coparent and do what he feels is right by his child?

Ponoka7 · 17/11/2019 14:21

Is it your BF or Best Friend and how do you know he does more than her?

It being the former family home makes it less strange. I could see the logic in not buying two puddle suits/wellies, if the child grows fast.

I think if Co-parenting is working well, no one should be interfering in that.

Original poster
Niajade · 17/11/2019 14:38

It’s my boyfriend, and obv I know how much he does compared to her because he’s my boyfriend + she’s very childlike and not great with the child. They hv been split a year now and she rings and txts constantly also a lot of the time, not regarding the child just basic chat. I am just finding it odd as I have a child from a previous relationship we co-parent effectively but not so closely.

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 17/11/2019 15:34

obv I know how much he does compared to her because he’s my boyfriend + she’s very childlike and not great with the child.

If I had a penny for every time shit like this was said about an ex I would be a billionaire by now.

She cant be that terrible or he wouldn't allow her to have a house key, and if she isnt great with the child then why doesn't he go for custody?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 17/11/2019 16:01

It sounds like they are happy with the arrangement, it's you that isn't.

And I can understand that you might feel they aren't sufficiently 'decoupled'. If I were you, that's the conversation that I would have with the boyfriend - not about the child, the key, or how much his ex does or doesn't do. More about his head space and whether he can give you and your relationship the time and energy you deserve.

It may be that although he doesn't want to be with his ex, he's not yet ready to be with you.

Original poster
Niajade · 17/11/2019 16:43

He can’t go for custody as it’s so hard to prove these days, the child isn’t at risk with her she’s just not a maternal person and will use every excuse to not have the child for the full amount of days when it’s her turn.

@displaypurposesonly I have had this conversation with him, he says it’s purely for the child’s benefit and convienience + nothing more. He cheated on her + she also cheated on him so now there’s no animosity there as they are both equal if u get me. It does bother me that there can’t be a clean break. I just find it odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
Niajade · 17/11/2019 16:46

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult I wasn’t slating her because she’s his ex, but it is common knowledge that she isn’t a Maternal person that’s all.

OP posts:
Ohtheboxes · 17/11/2019 16:58

You don't have to be a "maternal person" to be a good parent.

Original poster
Niajade · 17/11/2019 17:14

@ohtheboxes no but it helps massively if u actually want ur child and enjoy having them. She doesn’t.

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 17/11/2019 17:20

It's like you are reading straight from the 'New Girlfriend Cliche Handbook'.

Whatever you see and think at this point is what he wants you to see and think.

PixieDustt · 17/11/2019 17:25

To put it bluntly no it isn't normal. You know it isn't normal.
Now you're just slagging off her parenting/lack of maternal instincts to cover the fact you're probably a bit jealous and makes you look a bit childish.
It's normal to be jealous but it sounds like he has literally just got out this relationship?

PixieDustt · 17/11/2019 17:26

Should of said *to feel a little bit

Original poster
Niajade · 17/11/2019 18:42

@PixieDustt I’m not slagging her off because I’m jelous they are just facts unfortunately, she hasn’t been a great parent for 3 years + this is one of the reasons he has split with her. It’s been a year since they were together so not completely new.

OP posts:
Original poster
Niajade · 17/11/2019 18:44

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult maybe so, but the same as anyone who starts a new relationship, I am just a bit apprehensive about certain things and wondering if it’s just me overreacting.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 17/11/2019 18:45

Does it work for both of them? Is the child happy and healthy?
How long has he been your boyfriend for? Are you living together?

I have a strong suspicion this is absolutely none of your business.

CalleighDoodle · 17/11/2019 18:46

If she doesnt want the child then surely she wouldnt have an issue with him being resident parent? Why does be pursue this?

TimeforanotherChange · 17/11/2019 18:47

But your OP said he had 'recently' split with his ex.

If you've been with him a year I wouldn't describe their split as recent. But as they are co-parenting and it sounds like you and he don't live together I would say it's not really your affair. He is obviously happy enough with their arrangements.

I think you need to either accept it or decide you'll end the relationship with him over it if it bugs you that much.

X0X0 · 17/11/2019 18:53

He can’t go for custody as it’s so hard to prove these days, the child isn’t at risk with her

What's hard to prove??

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