Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

How old is too old to bath together?

29 replies

widgetbeana · 16/11/2019 11:08

I have 2 dd's who are great friends, they love playing together and spend most spare time together.

From birth we have bathed the girls together as it was simply easier! As they got older and bigger my dd1 (7) gets in the shower to wash her hair first while dd2 (4) is in bath washing hair. Then when she has washed her hair in the shower dd1 gets into the bath to play with dd2. They are both water babies and love their bath time play.

DD1 is about to turn 8 and I am wondering if it is time to put a stop to the play sessions after the shower. We have had lots of conversations about privacy and body autonomy etc. DD1 now makes sure she shuts the door when using the toilet etc.

I guess I am just trying to gauge what is appropriate. If I left it up to them it would not end anytime soon! They absolutely adore their bath time playing together.

I would appreciate some opinions for perspective.

Thanks!

OP posts:
SpoonBlender · 16/11/2019 11:14

Let them play. It's not going to be long before pre-teenage embarrassment starts getting in the way of this, so let it fade off naturally.

WreathsAndRopes · 16/11/2019 11:18

Bodily autonomy means she can choose if she wants privacy or to play in the bath.

GrumpyHoonMain · 16/11/2019 11:21

I would because sometimes puberty can start at 8 and your younger dd may make comments that could stay with your elder dd for life (speaking from experience here!)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

MerryMarigold · 16/11/2019 11:21

I had a bath with my dd till about 7! She used to love her baths with me. In the end it was too squashed. I'd cherish anything which makes their relationship close and strong.

metalkprettyoneday · 16/11/2019 11:21

If they’re happy, I don’t see the problem . Follow their lead . My 8 year old is always dancing around without clothes , I think they let you know if they want privacy.

BillywilliamV · 16/11/2019 11:21

For crying out loud, I thought they’d be in their teens. Leave them, they will let you know when they want privacy.
Is this really a worry for you? What are you expecting to happen?

Booboostwo · 16/11/2019 11:30

Bodily autonomy means they choose not you! If either no longer wants to do it that is the time to stop, similarly with the toilet door. Forcing any of your views on this just teaches them that their choices can be overridden.

morrigancrow · 16/11/2019 11:37

I had baths with my two younger sisters until I was 10ish. I started having showers after that and would occaisonally have my little sister in with me to help her wash her hair or to save water (I grew up in Australia). It's a family culture thing. In my family we have never minded the other women/girls in the house seeing us naked, but not our dad who was the only man in the house.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 16/11/2019 11:39

6&8 and often chose to bath together. If 8yo doesn't wasn't to bath with her sister we don't force it. 8yo often wants to change in her room by herself now.
6yo sometimes gets a bit sad when her sister doesn't want to share a bath or get changed with her, but accepts her sister is getting older and sometimes wants to be alone.

bettyjune07 · 16/11/2019 11:51

I have twin DDs who are 8 nearly 9. They still request to bathe together but they're both very tall so dont have alot of room anymore. They refer to it as a play bath as they have alot of bath toys. We let them do it if their hair doesn't need washing etc!

confusedandemployed · 16/11/2019 11:52

Too old is when one of them doesn't want to any more.

stucknoue · 16/11/2019 11:53

Let them decide

1066vegan · 16/11/2019 11:55

How brilliant that they're such good friends. Let them decide for themselves when they're too old to share a bath.

fairybeagle · 16/11/2019 11:55

I know you're trying to do the right thing OP but please don't worry. They are both still little kids and as everyone else has said they will let you know (well the older one) when they want their own space. I was in the bath with my sisters till about 10/11.
And to the PP re comments from younger sibling, surely this would be a learning experience, ie. bodies change, growing up, yours will too etc.

Fatted · 16/11/2019 12:00

My boys are 4 and six. I don't bath them together anymore. It's mainly because there isn't the room for both of them. DS1 was also a bit too splashy for DS2 and bath time just descended into complaining.

Let them guide you. You can usually tell when it's time to stop.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 16/11/2019 12:00

When the DC were little enough to share baths I always let them choose if they wanted to share or not. Once DS1 hit about 8/9 he went into "I need privacyyyyyy" mode and would bath solo.

Agree with PP's that if you work from the perspective of bodily autonomy being their decisions not yours, you won't go wrong.

Whattodoabout · 16/11/2019 12:05

They choose. My DD’s are 7 and 8 and still very much love bathing together, they will stop when they decide they want their own space.

Bigbopboo · 16/11/2019 12:08

Mine have just stopped at 9 and 6. Mainly because it was getting a bit of a squeeze.

Wallabyone · 16/11/2019 12:12

I have a boy, 7 and a girl, 5. They are both happy to bathe together, go to the loo in front of each other. When either of them doesn't want to anymore, it'll stop. I don't see a single thing wrong with it right now.

Chlosavxox · 16/11/2019 12:16

My (almost) 7 year old sister still climbs in the bath with me when I'm at my moms! I get no say in it, she just strips off and jumps in 😂 all I think is I'll blink and she'll be a stroppy teenager not even wanting to talk to me, so let them be young and innocent for now Smile

PissPotPourri · 16/11/2019 13:57

I have three boys, 8, 6 and 3 and they bathe/ shower together. It almost always ends up in a fight but they love it and I have no intention of insisting it stops. When one wants to shower or bath separately then he can. Until that point, they can carry on.

Fredy45 · 16/11/2019 14:44

My dds are twins and almost 10. They still occasionally bath together but bathing is a weekly business done with watching a film on the iPad. With bubbles.

The business of washing/showering/actually getting clean is done solo.

widgetbeana · 16/11/2019 22:02

Thanks everyone! I guess I wanted to check I wasn't way off the mark with his one.

The toilet thing has been a more organic change. My DH was getting a bit uncomfortable if he accidentally walked in on her and so we felt as a family it was time to institute a little more privacy around toilet times. That being said they still walk in on me all the time and we still use public toilets etc with each other. They also had a big push on toilet doors being closed at school as there were some issues.

DH and I had vaguely discussed the bathing thing- partly because dd1 is REALLY tall for her age and so fitting them both in the bath is more of a squeeze and we comments on how much longer can it last.

My thoughts were they will say when they want to end it. Very occasionally they will ask to have one alone. Mainly so they can 'lie down all the way and play mermaid' (DD2) or 'lie down all the way'. Nothing to do with each other!

Those who said body autonomy means they get to choose, that's what I said initially when we discussed it! Spontaneous too off the mark then.

To those who ask what I thought would happen, I didn't think anything would 'happen', I was asking for the benefit of others who may have seen or experienced other angles on a situation. That's all.

Thanks for the responses!

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 16/11/2019 22:33

The eldest one will let you know soon enough when she wants to bathe alone, it will happen.

I used to bathe with my son every day until he was about 7, a couple of girls he knew (neighbours) said, "We stopped going in the bath with mum when we were about 4!", and he stopped immediately - privacy from then onwards.

fairybeagle · 17/11/2019 18:49

@Bluerussian that makes me so sad for some reason :(

OP, why was your husband uncomfortable walking in on his 8 year old child using the loo? What made him uncomfortable?
Not meaning to make an issue just find it really odd.
Glad you got some reassurance etc though from the thread.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.