I need to sort my sleep issues. Can’t stand it anymore

[Sweetmelody72]

My first post on chat. Desperate for a solution. I have a chronic problem where I wake up in the middle of the night, can’t fall back asleep for (what feels like ) hours and when I do eventually drop off, I have to be up at 6 so I can leave for work at 7.

I’ll try and post as much info as possible but conscious I shouldn’t be on my phone but trying to get back to sleep!

I work 8-2 Monday to Thursday with an hours commute. I do 8-5 from home on a Friday. I am up at 6 and heading off to bed by10, but this is the rule and not always the practise. I am a lark and generally like going to bed early and getting up early. I have few problems with falling asleep, but I often wake anytime between 1.30 and 3.30. It’s not a sudden awakening. I’m very aware of ‘drifting awake’ and it’s almost self fulfilling since, as I become conscious of waking up, I am so desperate to fall asleep that I can’t help but wake up.

I Am very stressed at work at the moment. I can’t fit my job into my hours and often spend evenings and weekends working (on a laptop). I am delivering a major project for a small public sector organisation alongside my day job and there just aren’t enough working hours in the day. So when I wake up in the night, I start to think about work. Either worrying about it, or problem solving because I have the time and space during that quiet time to do the ‘thinking’ work that I have no time to do throughout the day. I don’t get out of bed or go on my phone as a rule. I just lie there tossing and turning, alone with my thoughts, hoping Sleep will eventually come.

I’m married with a 5 year old DD and a 12 year old DS in case relevant. Both started first terms in reception and y7 so added stress over the last couple of months

I know all the stressors in my life need fixing and I need to get things back on track, but lots of people have busy stressful lives and I’m assuming they don’t all have this problem!

Can anyone give me an advice on things that I should try that work for them to get myself back to sleep? Do I need to see my doctor for example?

Desperate times..

When you wake up with thoughts of work, write them down. Make notes on your phone or on paper. Aim for a to do list.

This will empty out your brain allowing you to sleep better.

You can also write out a to do list at tge end of each workday. Set aside 20 mins to do this. Next day review it, again set aside time to do it.

Ps. No job is worth your sanity. Goodluck

How old are you - have you considered the possibility of peri menopause. I found the hormone craziness has massively affected my sleep patterns. Have a look at
www.menopausedoctor.co.uk

Also worth trying the headspace app to help you go back to sleep.

This is a good documentary.

Have you been to the GP?

My first thought was peri-menopause. Sleep issues/insomnia are classic symptoms.

I sometimes readi sometimes just lie there and go with it. I have just started taking magnesium for achy legs but have heard that helps sleep too.

I think the key is to go to bed not wound up about work. So exercise or something else that helps you think it out. Drinking etc doesn't work as you are just pushing the thoughts back. Emptying your brain is the answer.

Bugger! Says documentary isn't available. If you can find it anywhere it's good viewing.

Hi OP I have this exact problem when i’m Stressed.
I find having a selection of relaxing audiobooks/podcasts on my phone essential (i use Agatha Christie just for this) as soon as I drift into consciousness I set an audiobook going and force myself to listen to the story and focus on taking deep slow breaths. This blocks out the intrusion of the work thoughts and allows me to drift back to sleep pretty quickly. I find that my brain needs something to ‘latch’ onto. Just trying to relax doesn’t work, but by focusing on the story, relaxation happens naturally

If I'm still properly awake after half an hour, I grab my book, and go downstairs. I'll snuggle up with a blanket and the cats, read a couple of chapters, and try going back to bed an hour or so later. Yes it means I'm up for maybe 2 hrs in the middle of the night, but I typically fall back to sleep quite quickly when I go back to bed. DS spent a couple if hours awake every night when he was a toddler. Apparently 2 sleep phases, with a couple if hours awake, is a historic thing, and sleeping for 6/7/8 straight hours is a "modern" phenomenon.

Get some C.B.D oil.

My DM had the same problems after the menopause. She did some sleep therapy and had to keep a diary for the first couple of weeks detailing her exact sleeping and waking times. Then she had to calculate the average number of hours she slept each night across that fortnight. Then she had to set a schedule so that for a week, she was only in bed for that amount of time, eg if she worked out that she slept an average of five hours per night, she was only allowed to be in bed for five hours. So for example, she had to go to bed at 1am and get up at 6am, or go to bed at midnight and wake up at 5.

After doing that for a week she was allowed to adjust the schedule by, I think, 30 minutes per week until she was able to sleep for longer stretches at night. I don't think it totally cured her, but she does sleep better now.

@Preggosaurus9 before I posted, for the first time ever I had grabbed some notepaper and pen and wrote a list for work stuff on one side and personal stuff on the other. I put my phone down after I posted and just lay there. I started to feel that lovely heavy feeling of sleep onset, and before I knew it I was late for my daughter’s ballet class this morning! So, great advice! I think it was a combination of the list and posting on here that cleared my mind and brought sleep on. Thank you to everyone for the advice. I will look out the documentary and I have some CBD oil for pain relief (that I’ve hardly used ) which I will try. To all those who get out of bed, I always worry that will make me more alert, but I will think about things I can do that will keep me relaxed (at 3 in the morning !) . I was doing yoga for a while but work load has meant I haven’t been for a while. I need to get back to it.

I’m 47 so menopause is a consideration for me

Hello op

I sympathise, you have described my sleeping pattern to a T there, I go to bed same time as you, need to be up same time and am also awake same time, for much of the night. Really awake.

Difference is I have a turn up, do your job and go home type of job so I bring nothing from work home with me. My work life is stress free, so although I know stress doesn't help, it probably isn't the sole cause and more likely to be hormone related as others have suggested.

I so stay off my phone during the night and remind myself that although I'm awake I am at least resting which takes the pressure off trying to go back to sleep, and when you take the pressure off going back to sleep, sleep often comes.

It's a horrible cycle to be in, I'm sorry you're in this x

Start taking magnesium and Vit B6 it improved my sleep loads (same age). I also take 2 piriton every evening and although it doesn't make me really drowsy and knock me out like it does many people it helps be less awake in the middle of the night and get back to sleep easier.

My insomnia was so bad I used to wake even on nights I resorted to zopiclone.

My friend aged 35 and just post divorce used to fall asleep OK and then wake at 2am every night and be unable to fall back to sleep.

I told her the advice I had read for this scenario in, "What to Expect the Toddler Years". She, very sceptically, followed it to the letter.

She set her alarm for 1.45am for three nights in a row. Each night the alarm woke her and she went back to sleep some time later.

On the fourth night, she slept through. Disrupting the pattern had changed it.