DH night out

[MatildaCat]

Wrote out a whole relationship history but realised it was probably too complicated.

Essentially, what I wanted to ask is, is it reasonable of DH to go out for a heavy drinking session? He'll be out all day, back very late at night, total write off the following day and maybe the day after that. I'll be 37/38 weeks pregnant and with toddler at home. He goes out very rarely, maybe once or twice a year, by choice, much prefers family time.

In your specific circumstances I would say unreasonable of him. Can’t he go but not drink heavily?

We're just moving this to chat for the OP.

Once or twice a year? Not unreasonable of him.

On the face if it - Not unreasonable of him.

But I'm guessing there's some backstory which you'll reveal at some point.

Oy goes out once or twice a year... I think that’s ok and better now than when the new baby comes. Of course it would be better still for him to go out and only get moderately blotto so he’s not a write off for more than a morning afterwards. The all or nothing with regard to him socialising is pretty strange though.

I'd be unimpressed at that stage of pregnancy. If you go into labour he will be no help.

Plus you're going to be pretty knackered by then so putting himself out of action for potentially two whole days, leaving you to deal with toddler, is unreasonable. I'd be seriously pissed off.

He can go out but needs to be functioning the following day- or failing that, when’s your day off from parenting?

He's going to drink so much that he'll be useless for 2 days and you're heavily pregnant with a toddler?

Fuck that. Is he so selfish and immature that he can't go out and drink like a responsible adult?

Well given that my dc were both born before 38 weeks I'm going with he's being a selfish idiot.

Why is the 'drinking heavily' part so integral to it?

The going out part is fine, as is the drinking, and coming home late.

But the drinking heavily? Until he's incapacitated? For 2 day? While you're heavily pregnant? With a toddler? None of that shiz is evenly remotely OK.

Let him go. Give him a lie in. Then he is up and functioning by at least midday. It’s not like he goes out a lot. But two days recovery is too much to ask.

Not unreasonable if you weren't due. My own dh didn't drink for the last month of my pregnancy just in case. Otherwise I'd say doing that once or twice a year is fine.

Deffo feels like a drip feed...

Yanbu purely because you are heavily pregnant. That is a good enough reason alone not to drink so much just incase

total write off the following day and maybe the day after that

This is the unacceptable bit.

How will he respond to a request to go out but moderate his drinking?

Once or twice a year that’s fine.

Once or twice a year, with prior notice-no issue at all.

At full term of a pregnancy with a toddler at home-not a chance. Only a complete wanker would be unable to see that that is a really nasty and disrespectful way to behave when you could go into labour at any moment. Even if you don’t, which is statistically more likely, you’re going to be anxious until he’s back and sober. What kind of husband and father would want to create that anxiety and worry that you might have to labour alone?

At your stage of pregnancy I would not want him 'written off' period or drunk at all. What if you go into labour early?? It is big no from me, way too close to your due date, with all the issues of how to get to the hospital, or will care for your other child.

He is most definitely being completely unreasonable. It is nobody's 'right' to go out drinking to this degree when you have responsibilities in the shape of a toddler and a tiny new born baby that could arrive at any minute. There is no way I would agree to it.

I am amazed he even wants to go, or has even asked you!!

What a selfish

inconsiderate man!

Once or twice a year I'd be fine, but he would get the day after for recovery. Not the day after that.

Thanks for the replies. There's no huge back story worth telling (I typed it all out but I don't think it's actually that relevant). Pertinent points are that he basically never socialises outside of his family ie me, his parents and siblings and he doesn't drink outside of these once or twice a year nights out (a separate issue regarding his relationship with alcohol, but not relevant right now).

I think reading through your replies has clarified my thoughts and actually I don't have a problem with 2-3 days where he's in bed. He's basically never ill and I'd prefer that to going out every week for work drinks or every Saturday night after a 'hobby'. Issue is how close to DD I'll be so that's what we need to sort out I guess.

Thanks for your help!

Once or twice a year is fine. I am 36 weeks and partner went out for a 'lads baby shower' (whatever that is, lol) a few weeks ago and I had no issue with it.

If you asked your partner not to because you were worried about something being so far along and be disregarded it then I can see why you would be upset.