Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

People who seem to actually believe their own lies

8 replies

SpiderCharlotte · 14/11/2019 17:14

How do you deal with them?

There's a woman I've known for years (A), we're in the same friendship group - some of us are closer to others and we all do things in smaller groups etc though if there's a bigger event we would always invite each other (birthdays, theatre trips etc). We're all late 40s/early 50s and rub along nicely together (normally).

I've been in the company of this one particular woman many times when she's telling someone something and it's not at all correct. It's normally silly things that have no impact and she likes to change and 'embelish' stories, presumably to make them funnier/more interesting etc. She does it all the time and I used to doubt myself til I realised that actually it wasn't me.

However, two of the women have had a little bit of a falling out, wasn't anything too serious but has escalated as these things can, with other people sticking their oar in and getting involved when they shouldn't. I've stayed out of it - I like both women and think this is just a silly misunderstanding.

I was having lunch with one of the women when A came into the coffee shop we were in and sat with us for a coffee. She then told my friend (B) something that the other friend (C) had said about her. I was there with both A and C when this conversation took place and it didn't happen in any way as she's suggesting, so I said that at the time in a kind of 'oh I don't think that's quite what was said' kind of way and she is adamant and very convincing. She knows I was there. I know exactly what was said and it wasn't what she passed on to B who is now massively pissed off with C (they were starting to get back on track), even though I've told her again that's not what happened (C was actually being complimentary about B). She's now not talking to C at all, as a direct result of what A told her.

I asked A why she said what she did and she looked me straight in the eye and told me that's what happened and I must have misheard. She's only trying to help B etc. I think she's just shit stirring, it's not even something you could misunderstand, it's an out and out lie and I know it. A must know that I know she's lying too, so I really don't get it.

How do you deal with people like this? Sorry if this is long and confusing with all the ABC nonsense but I just feel that this is all so ridiculous. We're hardly schoolgirls and while everything tells me not to get involved, this seems very unfair on C.

OP posts:
everybodypuuuullllll · 14/11/2019 17:22

Have you told C that B did this to her?

Was their first falling out to do with A also?

I used to share a flat with two women, 20 years ago, both of whom I was just starting to be friends with. In my situation, X told me about horrible things Y was saying about me. Y started being really off with me, so it seemed very plausible.

Until one night, Y confronted me about a whole load of things I'd supposedly said about her, which I never had. She, very convincingly, was shocked at the things X had told me she'd supposedly said.

Turns out, X was just a shit stirrer. I don't know what they get out of it. Attention perhaps? A feeling of control? Who knows.

We asked X to leave. It scares me how close she was to sabotaging my relationship with Y, who is now one of my closest friends, 20 years later. No idea what happened to X.

If she's actually shit shitting not just embellishing funny stories for effect, then she's toxic IMO and best kept at arm's length.

everybodypuuuullllll · 14/11/2019 17:23

Sorry, getting confused with letters!

I meant, have you told C that A lied about what she said?

SpiderCharlotte · 14/11/2019 18:16

I don't really know what to do. I've told B that C absolutely did not say these things but A is very convincing. If I tell C then I'm getting involved but I suppose I am anyway because I was there when both the conversations took place. A wasn't really involved when B and C fell out, but she seems to love it when people do. Always the first to offer 'support' etc.

OP posts:
everybodypuuuullllll · 14/11/2019 20:13

Always the first to offer 'support' etc.

She's a drama queen. I'd step back from her unless your shared history means it's hard to do so. I'd certainly be very careful what I say in front of her.

And yes, I'd tell C. As you say, it is unfair on her. And she should know what C's like. But beware, if it gets back to A, she'll probably make up some shit about you. She'll be outraged that you're "telling lies" about her, if she believes her own bullshit.

But better to be friends with C than A, as she's presumably genuine, and A isn't.

VanyaHargreeves · 14/11/2019 20:21

I volunteered with a woman who would tell outlandish tales often correcting herself mid sentence to make it more outlandish

Eg Imagine if my niece got hold of 50 shades! Actually, she DID, she DID and she was like Mummy! What's that

All of it was barefaced and some of it in the realm of allegation which made her quite dangerous

She had a lot of features of autism but no diagnosis, but I didn't think that lying fit

One day I met a woman who told me about her autistic son and his inability to tell things he'd imagined from fact and the trouble he'd got into with allegations

It was her to a tee, but by this point she'd alienated everyone. I tried to have a gentle chat with her about "how sometimes some people think that what she might say" etc

Cut me off there and then. Probably tells interesting tales about me now.

SpiderCharlotte · 14/11/2019 20:39

Well, I'm seeing C tomorrow so I'm going to tell her. I've had a WhatsApp from B tonight sounding very confused as she's obviously had time to think and calm down. I've told her again that the conversation did not go as A claims and I haven't misunderstood. I think she wants to believe me but A is so plausible it's quite worrying. How can someone lie so convincingly?

I've been trying to think what her motive may be but it's obvious really, she's always had a kind of hero worship for B so I'm guessing she thinks that if C is out of the way, she can step in as the 'best friend'.

I'm well aware how childish this all is btw.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/11/2019 20:44

I think you need to speak to both B and C as say you don't know quite what game A is playing but you've noticed her twisting things before and this time you are 100% certain of the truth and it's a deliberate lie to stir drama or some other such notice.

SpinneyHill · 14/11/2019 20:46

Don't hide the truth, make it known and make A feel awkward by not backing down if she asks why tell her "you've got a history of lying'.
You don't have to list incidents just let her know that it is common knowledge, a lot of these people are never challenged because of how awkward it makes everyone feel when they deny it

New posts on this thread. Refresh page