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Working Mum

5 replies

Frankiekj88 · 14/11/2019 15:27

I am new to this but desparate for advice. My little girl is 3 years old. She has recently started preschool and isn't settling at all. I have also just started a new job which means I am dropping her off after preschool everyday with someone different (all family members). But my little girl doesn't want to stay with them. She has started not eating much and not sleeping. She is very wingy and wants to be with me constantly which was never the case before these changes were made. I've actually thought about giving up my new job. Has anyone any advice? I feel guilty like I am putting my own needs before my child's (even though I know I am not).

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maxelly · 15/11/2019 12:00

Sorry to hear about this, not sure I have very much sensible advice but hopefully by bumping your post up a bit someone will be along who can help!

You say this is all 'recent', how long has it been? It's very common for little ones this age to be unsettled when starting childcare, whingy, clingy, over-tired etc if they are not used to being away from parents/home at all and it can take weeks for them to settle in. It may be you just need to give her lots of love and reassurance and stick with it and things will improve. How is she once actually at pre-school/relatives, is she anxious/crying throughout or is it only when you arrive/leave that she is upset - sometimes transition is the hard part and actually once Mum is out the door and they settle down they are fine - really hard for you though to see her upset so consistently!

If things have been this way for a while and she really isn't happy, perhaps you do need to make some changes, I wouldn't leap to giving up work necessarily, for me in the long-term I think most people (not saying all as everyone is different) it is best for them financially and in terms of self-worth and long-term prospects to have some kind of career, and what is good for you will be good for DD ultimately. So you certainly aren't being 'selfish' for wanting to work. However it does sound as though she goes to a lot of different people to be looked after (preschool and different relatives every day), also have I go it right that you drop her at pre-school, then pick her up and drop her again at relatives, if it is the transition/handover she is finding hard then that could explain it as that's 4 different times it happens in the day - is there any way you can reduce this? E.g. could you find a local childminder who she could go to instead of the relatives or the pre-school, some childminders will do drop off and pick up if needed? I think it would help her a lot having a simpler/more consistent routine. Or could you drop the pre-school altogether, obviously there are a lot of benefits to early education but if your DD isn't ready and is upset throughout then she may not be learning much anyway, lots of children are just better off in a more homely environment and it doesn't seem to adversely impact them later on IMO. Using a registered childminder means you are eligible for tax credits to help with the costs if I remember correctly. Or would one of your relatives be prepared to have her more often, perhaps if you paid them (I know there are complexities with paying relatives for childcare but it's not impossible)? Or could you keep the job but ask to change/reduce your hours slightly - I know this is tricky with a new job but you could always ask, don't ask don't get!

mindutopia · 15/11/2019 13:02

Settling in takes months (probably at least 3 months), so you probably just need to give it time. Though do you mean she goes to preschool all day and then you come collect her, drop her off with someone, and then go to/back to work? I can see how that would be disruptive. I would probably even be disruptive to just go with someone different every day. Would it be possible for a family member (maybe the same one) to collect her directly from preschool every day? Or maybe using a nursery will full time hours would work better?

Frankiekj88 · 15/11/2019 13:26

Thank you for your replies. The new routine has been 3 weeks. Maybe I need to give it more time. I've never thought about the transition of me dropping her off etc would effect her. I thought this would be a good thing (her seeing me) but yous do make sense. My mum or sister don't drive therefore I need to collect and drop her off. If things don't settle I will think about a childminder. Thank you very much for your advice. Really appreciate it.

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ComtesseDeSpair · 15/11/2019 13:31

Definitely give it more time. Think how long it takes the average adult to properly settle in and feel comfortable at a new job, for example. At least a couple of months, really.

Have you spoken to her key worker and class teacher about what she’s like during the day? Do they have any ideas for things you can do at home to make her feel positive and excited about going in every day? A little activity chart so she knows what activities she has to look forward to? A mood game so she can use e.g. a sad face sticker to tell you how she feels and then you can talk about it together?

Frankiekj88 · 15/11/2019 13:51

Yes your right. Hopefully by Christmas I start to notice a difference! Funny enough my husband just ordered an activity chart last night so we will put this in place from Monday. Her teachers have put it down to her age, she won't be 4 until June so she is quite young in the class. I have a meeting with her teacher next week so I will ask how could we help her together etc. Thank you for your post!

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