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Original poster

Job interview , Don't want to lie but don't want to scupper my chances

31 replies

KittyFourPaws · 13/11/2019 13:14

Hi
Unexpected job interview this pm.

Previously applied for part time position 6 weeks ago , didn't get it, now being asked in to "chat" about another position. It's a job I would love to do.

In the mean time I have offered to be a volunteer doual and would need to be "on call" for approx 6 weeks March /April around the mothers due date.

Practically this would mean that at some point in march / April I might have to go an support the mother and could be with her for 24 hours or so.

I would , of course, take this as holiday.

In reality,if I suddenly couldn't come into work it would be no different to getting ill and being off work for a couple of days. Though my employer might , of course, not see it this way.

But do I mention this in the "chat" ?

Do i settle in and then mention it ?

Do I tell the mother I cant be her doula unless she delivers sat / sun ??!!! ( yeah right, babies are this accommodating !)

I would hate to let her down as she is vulnerable and in need to of the extra support and , locally, is very unlikely to find another volunteer doula.

I realize that a job has to come before any volunteering I may have committed to but being a doula is my long term plan for a career so is also important to me.

The position I am applying for is in the NHS if that make any difference. But its not patient focused , my absence for a couple of days ( at most) would be aggravating ( as any staff absence is ) and would not require anyone to be brought in to cover for me.

thanks

OP posts:
inwood · 13/11/2019 13:17

Honestly, if you get the job, you need to let the mother down.

Reallybadidea · 13/11/2019 13:19

I wouldn't even mention it at this stage. Wait and see whether you're offered the job (at the earliest) before broaching it. Is it for a clinical post? If so, the chance of them are agreeing to emergency leave at any moment are probably quite slim. Are you prepared to turn down this job if necessary?

Original poster
KittyFourPaws · 13/11/2019 13:26

its not clinical,more clerical.

OP posts:

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Iamallatsea · 13/11/2019 13:27

I wouldn’t mention it at the interview, If you get the job you would need to let the mum down gently and as soon as possible.
Having to be possibly available any time night or day for 6 weeks is a huge ask, also fingers crossed but what is mum or baby are poorly after the birth would she expect you still to provide on-going support?
Most new jobs would accommodate prebooked time off but to have to suddenly leave in the middle of a work day or call in the night before requesting the next day / two days off I don’t think any employer would appreciate that. It’s not an emergency situation.
I think it’s a lovely thing to want to volunteer for, and I do a lot of volunteering myself, so I get the sense of responsibility but I would never let it jeopardise my paid work.

Original poster
KittyFourPaws · 13/11/2019 13:31

I don't think I would turn it down if they said I couldn't take the leave.

If it was , say , my daughter , I was supporting, would they allow it then ?

Would that be any different to the father rushing off to be with his wife ?

I totally understand that I'm not the father , of course, but we all have emergencies , times when we just cant get into work , this "emergency" is just a little more predictable.
.

OP posts:
X0X0 · 13/11/2019 13:34

Totally different to the father rushing off to be with his wife ?

You're not the partner, you're a 'hired help'

Digestive28 · 13/11/2019 13:34

It depends on the organisation- different types of leave get counted differently. Where I am you get five days emergency carers leave whoever you are but only one of these days taken at a time eg a day to sort out alternative care otherwise it’s unpaid or annual leave. Who you are caring for doesn’t matter. So depends on their policies but get the job first then negotiate

Reallybadidea · 13/11/2019 13:37

Personally, I wouldn't bring doulas into it (they may not know what they are). I would just say that you're supporting a very vulnerable friend during the birth as she doesn't have anyone else. But bring it up early after being offered the job so that you can help her find someone else in time if necessary.

fruitbrewhaha · 13/11/2019 13:37

I wouldn't mention at interview. I would wait until I'd started the job and then ask about whether or not it's possible etc. It's a nice thing you are doing, the management would have to be pretty heartless or have a good reason for stopping you doing it.

Original poster
KittyFourPaws · 13/11/2019 13:38

You're not the partner, you're a 'hired help'

" hired help" ouch !

actually not hired , volunteering

and the term "hired help" doesn't, i feel, really describe a doula even when paid.

but I do appreciate all the advice given, volunteering is incompatible with paid work, might have to shelve my volunteering roles until I can become self employed.

Long term goals and all that.

OP posts:
JonnyPocketRocket · 13/11/2019 13:39

It's not really an emergency though, is it? If my colleague was off at short notice for an emergency and I have to cover for them, I'd be a lot more understanding if it's something like illness in the family, or their kitchen ceiling suddenly fell in, than if it was that they had offered to be someone's birth partner. The (relative) predictability makes it different from an emergency.
It's a lovely thing to offer, but it's not your employer's or colleagues' responsibility to accommodate.
I wouldn't mention it at the interview in any case. Who knows, she might end up with a scheduled c-section or IOL, in which case you could book the time off as AL.

Original poster
KittyFourPaws · 13/11/2019 13:42

I think I will still support the woman, there are lots of antenatal visits before the birth that I can fit around working hours and just being able to talk through things may well help her during the birth. Also I can be with her as soon after baby is born as I can, and that also a time to offer support and care.

If I cant actually be at the birth I feel I can still care for her.

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 13/11/2019 13:46

MN is such a strange place - on the one hand everyone (or their DH's Wink ) have these super high powered, flexible jobs and on the other hand There is this absolute rigidity about time off, not taking the piss and almost servitude.

In the real world this would not be an issue in many many jobs. Certainly not in mine and I'd be happy to let any of my team have time off in these circumstances.

That said OP absolutely no need to mention it now, see if you get the job and then discuss it.

Judgybitch · 13/11/2019 13:46

I agree with pp. See if you get the job. Then once you start, say you have been asked to be a birth partner for a vulnerable friend. If you explain yourself I can't imagine they would be unwilling. Agree don't mention the doula thing, we had one but I think you would be asked to cancel if you said that you had volunteered. Better to say you has been asked to support someone.

Original poster
KittyFourPaws · 13/11/2019 13:49

many thanks for all the replies, they have really helped, hurrah for MN!

Hope I get the job , then I can go from there.

OP posts:
NeedAnExpert · 13/11/2019 13:51

NHS HR here. This wouldn’t be an issue where I work but I wouldn’t mention it at interview. Have the conversation with your line manager if/when you get the job.

Original poster
KittyFourPaws · 13/11/2019 13:55

oh NeedAnExpert, that's really interesting to know, thanks for that.

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 13/11/2019 13:58

An NHS colleague (client facing) recently was birth partner for her sister and was off 3 days due to a long birth. As a one off I can imagine they won't be too concerned. They have to honour pre-booked holidays. If you are offered the job I would raise it then, explaining it is a one-off prior commitment and could you take last minute leave or swap your working days as needed.

SandrasAnnoyingFriend · 13/11/2019 13:59

God, some people are odd.
Don't mention it at interview, if you get the job then discuss it with your manager once you're settled. Explain you have committed to being birth partner for someone and ask if they can accommodate some short notice time off if possible.
If they say no then you have a choice to make and discussion to have with the lady you are helping.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/11/2019 14:06

Do the interview but don't mention it. Cross the bridge about talking to your prospective employer as, when and if you need to.

Tbh I employed someone who did this and she took the time off as holiday, we just pencilled in the possible dates. If you're looking March/April time is unlikely to clash with school holidays (unless she's late) so time off prob won't be an issue

Original poster
KittyFourPaws · 13/11/2019 14:25

good point about school holidays , if , and it's a big, BIG if, I helped support another woman in say, 2021 then I could only offer my services around term times. I'm quite happy to work in the holidays to cover those with school aged kids or cover emergencies as I have fewer commitments at home.

but I'm running before I can walk here, haven't even got the job yet !
Just have to see how it all works out and make sure my personal commitments don't adversely impact my employment.

OP posts:
SquishySquirmy · 13/11/2019 14:37

I wouldn't mention it at interview, but when you do mention it DON'T say you may need emergency leave as you are volunteering as a doula. Ask instead if it will be possible to take short notice annual leave to be the birth partner to "a close friend who is giving birth".
I know she may not really be a very close friend, but it's not a total lie and I think it sounds better somehow. Simpler than having to explain what a doula is.

X0X0 · 13/11/2019 15:18

@KittyFourPaws, sorry, I didnt mean to be harsh, which is why I put quotes

Sorry it was lost in my typing

Dyrne · 13/11/2019 15:40

Why are people saying don’t say it’s a volunteer role?

Volunteering looks fantastic on a CV, and is something good to talk about during an interview.

Volunteering to help a complete stranger is way more impressive to an employer than helping out a friend, surely?

My last manager was absolutely fascinated by my volunteering at interview - not quite like yours as I sign up for “shifts” but I did explain that I was sometimes out on a shout until the small hours, and I would do my best to not have it impact upon work. My boss was nothing but supportive and even said if there was need for me to go out during working hours then he’d support me as much as he could as long as there wasn’t anything urgent happening.

My volunteering role brings valuable skills and experience that I can apply to my job. Surely that can only be an asset at interview; and sounds a lot better than “I want to help out a friend”.

You don’t have to breach any confidentiality; just explain that you volunteer to support vulnerable women through giving birth, and you are currently supporting someone and would potentially need to take leave at short notice, but you’d do your best to not let it impact the team by doing XYZ.

Even if you don’t bring it up at interview, raise it with your line manager. Definitely don’t hide that it’s volunteer role!

dudsville · 13/11/2019 15:57

Whenever you do mention it you can tell them that you will curtail your volunterring after this final commitment. If I was offering a job id rather someone tell me they had a commitment, like a wedding to attend abroad or something rather than find out kast minute.

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