friend not getting in touch when my dad died, confused, what do you think?

[notashotasthepreviousyear]

my dad died 7 weeks ago, we were very close and it was heartbreaking. I have a good friend whose mum died 8 years ago, so over the years we've had many heart-to-hearts with her in tears in my kitchen & me listening and comforting. When Dad died I honestly thought she'd be one of the first to get in touch however that wasn't the case, she sent a card a fortnight after he died and I've not heard from her since. I haven't made contact with her, I haven't the energy to be chasing people. I always knew the friendship was more down to my efforts than hers but I find this hurtful and shocking. Can anyone relate? I sort of think maybe it's just too painful for her but then I think ok if you're not bothered lets just leave it.

Maybe the topic is still too raw for her and she thinks she can’t help. Which isn’t much support for you, I know but might be the case.

thanks mintjulia yes I wonder if she just can't face me due to the pain. Things take time.

It could be any number of reasons, maybe she wants to give you space, and shes waiting for you to get in touch, maybe its brought up painful memories for her, or maybe she is just selfish.

It's always a surprise who comes through for you and who doesn't when something awful happens.

Im so sorry that you have to miss your dad

thanks that helps.

My condolences for your loss.

It might be because it’s taken her back to how she felt in the early days of her grief. My Dh was a wonderful support when my Dad died but it did stir up emotions from his Mum’s death (7 years previously). I’m sorry she’s not there for you though. Do you have others who can support you & be a listening ear?

thanks Bernard, yes I have been astonished at how warm and considerate people have been and I am very lucky that people have supported me since it happened. I think it must just be too much for her, we all deal with it differently I know.