Should I drop out?

[sunshinegirl13]

The backstory: This September I joined uni and started my course. It is a work based course with one day of uni. This course is in something that I am very knowledgeable and competent in, I am therefore able to complete my work and hand it in a few weeks early (relevant). I am also very competent in ICT and the lecture often asks me for help with things like slides, using different software etc, during one lesson using ICT she also made a jokey comment to the other students in the class to ask me if they need any support whilst she is busy (also relevant - sorry if long I don’t want to drip feed). During this time I also got voted as class representative for our subject.
It is also worth mentioning that I am usually very confident and able to stand up for myself but have been suffering with bad anxiety and depression this year due to unrelated circumstances that has made me feel less able to do so and knocked my confidence.

This issue: since this has happened ( about 3 weeks into the course) there are a trio of girls who are constantly being ‘unkind’ to me. Examples of this:

• Ignoring me when spoken to (that’s ok, I can deal with this)

• eye rolling and tutting when I speak

• laughing when I get up and move around the room

• saying unkind comments (they sit behind me so I can hear everything) about my appearance, my answers and anything. Such as ‘ew look at her clothes’ etc

• one of the girls works for my company’s sister company and we share staff. Staff from her company have informed me that during a staff meal she said incredibly unkind things about me and tried to goad people into joining in by saying “what do you think of sunshine? Isn’t sunshine annoying” etc. I’m happy to say my staff stood up for me and said that I was kind and they liked working with me. (All accounts of this event from different people are the same so I know it’s true)

I have felt really uncomfortable going to uni and it has made me feel tearful at times but I’ve ignored it and got on with my work. I thought I might have been imaging it but the girl next to me mentioned last week that she had noticed them being unkind to me and how awkward it was. Also Last week I noticed the girls were being incredibly unkind to a women on our course who is EAL (English as another language) and were making fun of her hair, eye rolling at her and being generally unkind when she asked questions about things. I wanted to stand up for the women but felt uncomfortable in the situation but went to my tutor after the session and let her know about what had been going on as I wanted to protect the other women, as I didn’t want her to end up feeling how I felt. My tutor spoke to the girls and promised she would not mention I had spoken to her. However, since that has happened the nastiness has been upped and has even continued to the girl who works for the sister company getting people from her site to join in.

I feel bullied and helpless which is pathetic as I am a 24 year old professional with managerial experience. I have been trying to ignore it as not to escalate the situation and as I’m only there to learn not to make friends but I now don’t know what to do.

I have been considering to drop out as it makes me so unhappy but I really want my degree and to progress further in my career.

Tutor* not lecture

Sorry it’s so long and typos, it was hard for me to type out and get what I wanted to say straight as I’m a bit shaken at the moment and went into vent mode!

I'm sorry, that sounds awful. I don't have any advice as I am rubbish at things like this, what horrible people.

They are jealous of you.

@angstinabaggyjumper that’s what the girl next to me says. She’s really lovely thankfully! I know it’s not my fault but I sometimes wonder what I’ve done wrong, I’ve tried to be really nice to them and I ask them about their day and one of the girls was really struggling with her last assignment and asked me for help, so I sat with her going through her work and trying to support her. (This was during the time of when it was just starting to get bad but I thought I’d give them the benefit of the doubt because I don’t want them to fail or struggle!)

I'm sorry you're experiencing this crap. I have no doubt in suggesting it is due to insecurity on their part as you sound really on top of the work and subject matter.

Please don't drop out because of these pathetic bullies' behaviour. Keep reporting to the tutor. Escalate if need be, including to their managers at work, along with a record of your complaints to the tutor. Their behaviour towards you is disgraceful but I think the jibes about the non- native english speaker could cross the line into racist/ discriminatory bullying which will get them seriously ticked off.

I just feel so uncomfortable. I don’t think the other girl knows what is being said about her and I don’t want her to feel unhappy or want to give up as she’s trying so hard and she is so kind! What worries me most is that this degree is for professionals going into a caring role (Think social work, teacher, etc) and I worry for the future children In their care and partnerships with parents.

Yes Feelingabitashamed is probably right and they will go too far, in the meantime do you have any allies who can back you up?
How much longer do you have to go?
To be honest in the grand scheme of things this is a drop in the ocean of what seems like a good career path for you, yes you need to address it because it's making you unhappy but dropping out would be a disastrous outcome.

I usually would just avoid and get on with it but it’s a small class of 8 and they sit directly behind me. I feel so pathetic. It’s advatised as ‘Mature adult’ studying but I feel as though I’m back in school

@angstinabaggyjumper this is the start of the first of three years. I have wanted to do this since I was 16 and have worked so hard to get here. I don’t want to drop out but my anxiety is so high, I know I could do the work on my own without attending lectures but I resent paying such a high fee to not even attend. I wish I was stronger and I thought this course would build back my confidence not squash it

Whatever you do, please don't help those who are bitchy. Let them struggle - the teacher can help them but you really shouldn't.

Next time something happens, just grit your teeth and say, "Oh grow up, will you? You're acting like a child."

@hallowtalk I won’t help them anymore! That was during our first module, never again. I will tell them to ask our tutor. I would love to say what you have said and honestly it’s not far off something I would usually say but it’s like I go to say the words or stick up for myself and they don’t come out, if that makes sense? Like I get really nervous and shakey. I hate this

I have confided in the girl who sits next to me and she has sent me a WhatsApp begging me not to drop out and that I am an asset to the class (which has made me feel a lot better and is a really like thing to say).

I think I may email my tutor and let her know how I feel but I don’t want this to make things escalate or make me more uncomfortable.

Next time something happens, just grit your teeth and say, "Oh grow up, will you? You're acting like a child."

I second this. And also agree that you need to keep raising it the tutor. I would tell her it's making you reconsider whether you can stay on the course - retention rates are important to universities so a good lecturer will not want to risk their department losing a competent student. I would also use words like "feeling bullied" and "harassment" - which would be true - as bullying should be taken seriously and dealt with appropriately by the university.

Do not drop out for these bullies op. They obviously were like it at school and have not changed.

Report everything to HR. 🌺

Do not drop out.

As previous poster, advise your lecturer what is going on, how bullied you feel and you are considering dropping out unless this bullying in class is addressed.

During class when they say something rude, turn around and ask, loudly,

Did you mean to be so rude?

Did you really just say (insert what they said)?

Call attention to their rude behaviour.

As for the one who works in the sister company, go to HR. Advise them of what she’s doing at work.

you absolutely shouldn't be the person who leaves the course, OP. You need to raise it with your tutor - if you don't want to speak to your module leader, do you have a personal tutor, year tutor etc.? All universities will have student support services as well, if you could reach out to them? Retention is so important, they won't want to lose a student who has been bullied out of the programme, please flag it to them.