Is there a ‘service’ for someone to act as your manager?

[BadPurseon]

I’m going through a rough patch - and my executive function has gone to shit.

I WFH on a freelance business and have young kids. I’m sure if I had an office job, then the structure and accountability would keep me going. As it is, I keep just going to bed after I drop the kids to school. Really frustrated - because I know I am much happier when I’m on top of work and the household.

It helps a bit if DH checks in with me - but he works 8am- 10pm - and the check in is on a good day a 5 minutes phonecall & an email. On a bad day, at the moment, I won’t talk to an adult at all. The helpful kind of checkins are like “what do you have to do today...? X sounds like a good place to start. Do that for an hour, then drop me a message to let me know how it went”. But its not reasonable to hang on him more than I am doing - given his pressure at work.

I’m part of various online groups. When I’m ‘up’ these are fun - but when I’m needing a lot of handholding it doesn’t work to reach out. I just end up feeling needy and unwanted - and it burns my bridges for these relationships for the future. Ditto for RL relationship (& my last close friendship ended really badly. The trauma from
that is one of the things that’s pushed me off balance - so getting more enmeshed with RL people is not something I’m open to.)

I tried therapy - but it wasn’t really the same thing.

I’ve thought about life coaching - but coaching I’ve had before has been intermittent sessions. I’m literally looking for someone who will check in with me three times a day to stop the days just sliding away without structure - and who is engaged enough to know what my priorities are to nag for and achievements are to celebrate.

For example, I haven’t seen a dentist for 5 years. I need ‘Mum’ or a ‘Manager’ to hold me accountable - I’m just not achieving that for myself.

In other ways, I’ve done some good stuff - but I shove it in a bottom drawer & forget about it. Again - if I had a ‘manager’ - I would pass these things on.

What’s the google search term for that kind of service? Does it exist?

I don’t need £100 a day of services. I literally need the equivalent of the raised eyebrow you’d get if you put your head down on the desk in the middle of the office - and ditto the equivalent of the ‘Purseon is Fab’ memo pinned on the cork board when I’ve done well.

@springydaff - but how does 12 step work outside of AA meetings? I’m not an alcoholic & won’t quit alcohol (go figure that one !)

Remember Kirsten Wiig's mother in Bridesmaids - she isn't an alcoholic but goes to AA. Good plan!

[Just to be clear, as MN seems to be devoid of humour lately, I am not relentlessly pushing 12-step at the cost of all else. I don't gaf how people get out of a mess, just as long as they find a way somehow.]

@BillHadersNewWife @thatwasMauijustmessingaround

another poster PMd me and bounced an idea about starting a support circle.

I wouldn’t want to do it on MN - too public - but if anyone was interested or had ideas on how to set up such a thing successfully - I’m all ears.

I think it would need ‘rules’ to work - so that expectations were clear. The groups I’m on at the moment - it doesn’t feel it quite works for this - because no one notices if I vanish for 2 weeks - and it feels like I’m boring people if I spam them with to do lists...

Purseon is FAB 🏳️‍🌈🏳️🎌

😂

I feel better already. That’s how shallow I am!

💛

Send me one and we can feel good together.

ps we are not shallow

🤸💃

Have you checked there is nothing medically wrong? I was convinced I had post natal depression at one point. Life was like wading through treacle in a dense fog. Just getting out of bed was an effort. Turned out I had a low thyroid, one little tablet a day keeps me awake and functioning. I am not saying it is a low thyroid but there can be medical reasons which no PA can overcome.

I am a home worker, so sort of self employed but within a company structure. Anyway, I found set hours, a page to a day diary and short term targets all helped to keep me motivated and from watching too much Netflix !

OP you sound like me. I have ADHD. It's allll about your executive functioning not working like other people's. Life is much better and easier on medication. Might be sometning to look into, if you haven't already.

🗣 @springydaff is awesome - and a
fantastic anonymous buddy 🎇🎇🎇

@TheBrockmans - there might be something medically wrong - but even ten days ago I was much better than this. Had difficult and unsettling things happen Tuesday and Thursday last week - and have basically slept as much as my life would allow since then. I’m kind of stuck there.

Yay!! 🤸👍🎇

(My longsuffering GP regularly allows me blood tests JUST IN CASE my thyroid has mysteriously packed up/vitamin D on the blink/iron crashed/ etc within the last few months. All clear )

I crashed quite quickly, certainly over a period of less than a month.

OP are you me? I was literally having a cry to my husband about this same sort of problem moments before opening your thread!

I would certainly be interested in seeing if a support group of some kind would be helpful to me to get my executive function in order. I’m another with A&D and also tend to sort of "shut down" exactly as you describe, which leads to a spiral of guilt. Will keep reading this thread for ideas!

I am my son’s manager. I schedule all his appointments, give him reminders, encouragement and motivation and deal with his admin. As I am a coach it’s second nature. Sadly he doesn’t pay me for my efforts 😶

What freelance work do you do, OP? Do you not have clients checking in to see if you’ve started/finished their work yet? Or someone handing you projects to do?

I think it would need ‘rules’ to work - so that expectations were clear. The groups I’m on at the moment - it doesn’t feel it quite works for this - because no one notices if I vanish for 2 weeks - and it feels like I’m boring people if I spam them with to do lists...

I listened to a podcast the other day where the host was talking about their accountability group, and how motivating it was. She's a writer.

They "meet" every week on Skype at a fixed time. Each person has to provide a list of things they need to achieve in the following week. Brief chat about difficulties, practical suggestions from others on how to proceed. No one's section allowed to go past 10 mins. Everyone "leaves the meeting" with a list of clearly defined action points of a fixed number e.g. 5, and must report back the next week on what they said they'd achieve.

She said although it was only a 45-50 minute meeting, tops, because everyone just stuck to the accountability aspect (i.e. they were not friends, they had no other particular connection - all from different business etc - it didn't descend into chat or excuses, and was highly motivating if you are a person who needs a deadline and accountability to succeed.

Something like that?

A wife?

The support group I may have mentioned a few times, possibly, works by everyone sponsoring eachother - so, my sponsor, has a sponsor, who has a sponsor; we all have sponsors and sponsees. So we're all pretty fucked but the act of supporting someone else is an opportunity to give (so we're not always just receiving which can be depressing and not always good for one).

Just a thought.

(Though my lists are genuinely brush teeth/phone dad etc. I might be overwhelmed at others' lists that detail Big Aims when I'm struggling to get my drawers on..)

I’ve set up a Slack workspace. Do you think that could work? Is it better as a mass thing so not too much pressure on each person - or would it be better done with designated buddies? Either would work on Slack - because you can set up private rooms.

Good thread people

Is it better as a mass thing so not too much pressure on each person - or would it be better done with designated buddies? Either would work on Slack - because you can set up private rooms.

I think that you need the middle ground - you want enough people that it is not just one-on-one, and you don't feel like you're either a burden or a nag, and so you can get perspective if you need it, but not so many people that it is not clear who is 'responsible', like you said your other groups just became an amorphous mass. If you think about the Skype group the writer talked about, I would think a max of 6 to a group/room?

Okay - anyone interested in joining an accountability buddy group pls PM me.

Rules TBC by group discussion - but base expectation is that you post your To-do list daily, report back on progress, wave at least two flags every day to boost other users & take a share with following up on anyone who goes silent.

Yay! 🏳️‍🌈

I'll be grade Z though. Just saying.