Terrified of smear test

[smeartestphobia]

I’ve got a lot of problems around internals due to having had multiple problems with my vulva/bladder . I’ve had a few surgeries and various other tests/treatments . Also been sexually assaulted as a teenager . Got told I have ptsd and vaginismus a while ago .

I’ve had one smear three years ago but with a doctor I knew very, very well , and it took her a good fifteen minutes to manage . Was given dihydrocodeine to take after for pain management . Previously it’s just been abandoned or not attempted . In hospital they’ve just sedated me, given me an anaesthetic or morphine depending on the situation (eg examinations, coil fitting, scans etc). I’ve never managed to have a speculum in other than that one smear . Never had penetrative sex, or used a tampon .

I’m due my smear next week . I’ve spoken to my GP and told her my worries and experiences . She has said I need to try - if it proves impossible they can stop and reschedule and give me 5mg diazepam for it.

I don’t want to put myself through the panic/pain that I know I’ll feel - I don’t see the point . I’m already upset at the thought . I can’t understand why I have to do that , knowing it won’t work - they’ll only end up having to give me diazepam anyway . GP said it’s policy, same as most gynae treatments now (eg coil fitting, hysteroscopy etc) - you have to try without anaesthetic or sedation first, you have to ‘prove’ its too painful/distressing .

Am I wrong for feeling that’s very unfair, or should I just ‘man up’ as my relative very helpfully put it? I’m tempted just to cancel the whole thing .

That's outrageous that she's forcing you to 'try'. You're a grown adult and the idea physically makes you feel ill. I don't care about 'procedure' when it's actually making you worse.

Just tell her you're physically unable to even try because it's too distressing. Surely that should be proof enough?

Have you had counselling, as an aside?

Ooh I think you need to voice your anxiety more strongly over this one, sorry, I know how shit that feels but you need to advocate for yourself. There is no way you should be facing this just to prove to them that you can't cope with it. That sounds like a complete undermine of what you are trying to tell them.
Go back, and tell them you need diazepam before you will be able to do it. Don't disclose your experience to those who won't understand, you don't need to justify your behaviour to your relative, and you certainly don't need to just 'man up'. You are 'manning up'. You're learning to get your needs met.

And I was also wondering if you've had any counselling? It sounds like you have been through a lot.

If you’ve never had penetrative sex, you don’t need a smear test, I believe. Women are usually recommended to start them after becoming sexually active.
You’ve good reason for declining and no one should be trying to force you to have one.

OP, I would go back to the GP and say you can’t do it without some sort of help, and you’re not willing to traumatise yourself further when they could just offer to help you now. You already know what the result will be, it’s not your first internal. If the GP refuses, ask to speak to the practice manager.

This is of course assuming you want the smear test. You don’t have to have it.

I would also go back to the GP and just explain that even the thought of it is upsetting you, and see if they would consider prescribing something to help.

Otherwise, if you are anywhere near London, there's a specialist clinic that does cervical screening for women who've been sexually assaulted. I believe there is also one in Glasgow, but I know that the London one serves the whole of the UK: www.mybodybackproject.com/services-for-women/mbb-clinics/

See another gp. Mention trauma. Ask specifically for diazepam, then ask for more. Responses vary hugely from gp to It’s tough but if you advocate for yourself you might well get a different outcome. If the thought of talking about it is too much just write down what you just posted and hand it over.

If you are familiar with them, be worth talking to the practice nurse that does the test to get her on side.

OP I have had similar issues to you and I actually ended up having two drinks before I went for mine . I am a non driver and timed it so I could just go straight home after it . But it angers me that that was the only way I could get through it . I always go to family planning clinic for mine as they are to my mine much gentler than staff at doctors .

Why have you had a boil fitted if you’ve never had sex? I can see your GPs POV. You’ve had a procedure voluntarily (coil) yet say you can’t manage a smear. You will have had a speculum inserted for that and it’s much more uncomfortable than a smear.
No one can force you to have a smear against your will. You’re getting yourself into a panic and imagining the worst. Listen to your GP. Take a friend with you who will help keep you calm until you go into the room. Ask for a nurse to come in with you. If all else fails, ask your GP if you really need one given your sexual status.

Boil?? Coil obvs 🤦🏼‍♀️

I had the coil for endometriosis , it was done under anaesthetic and then removed under mild sedation . Was presented at the time as being the only treatment for endo unfortunately ... they did try to fit a second one in clinic a few years later - to try again to control periods - but they couldn’t even get the speculum in so gave up . That was when I was told that they had introduced a policy then that you couldn’t have a coil with anaesthetic without proving that you couldn’t cope otherwise , similar for anything that can be done awake (I presume to try and increase safety) .

GP and gynae are saying it’s best to have one, given history and they said there might be a theoretical risk of HPV being introduced via internal scans etc (I’ve had a lot of them).

I’ve only just had an op four weeks ago so feeling a bit extra worried over the whole thing if that makes sense .

Never thought of having a drink !!

I have been told I need counselling but NHS don’t provide it much anymore , and I can’t afford private . I’m at a loss of what sort of counselling I need . They did give me one appointment but it was with a man, I spent the whole appointment feeling mortified as it was very personal , he asked me to keep a masturbation diary and all sorts and I couldn’t hack it . Never went back . I’m not sure how to discuss that with the GP though. I’ve got more tests on my bladder function after Christmas (urodynamics) so a bit worried about it all tbh .

I’ve heard of MBB too, I’d be closer to Glasgow - will try ringing them . Thank you