I made the appointment nearly 4 weeks ago now. I wanted to discuss possible early pre-menopause (I'm 40, but there have been some signs and due to my mum going through menopause early and me starting my periods at 10 I wouldn't be surprised) or possible mental health issues.
The doctor I wanted to see was on leave for a couple of weeks hence why I've had to wait nearly 4 weeks.
I've always been an over thinker and constantly read between the lines of what people say trying to find some hidden meaning. I definitely have social anxiety or at least I feel I do. I put off making phone calls where possible and try to avoid difficult conversations.
Lately I feel I have become more irritable and also my possible anxiety has got worse. I say possible because I have never talked to a health professional about my MH issues. I've wanted to in the past, but always put it off because Im worried about wasting anyone's time or being fobbed off.
I was told 3 times within 24 hours by completely different people that I was in a bad mood. All of these times I thought I was in a good mood and being told I was in a bad mood caught me off guard. This is why I decided to pluck up the courage to make the appointment.
Now its pretty much here I'm really nervous that I have no reason to go and everything I have been thinking and feeling is just normal. I dont want to waste anyone's time. There's the big push towards not using the NHS unless necessary, which I do agree with.
I have been keeping a diary since making the appointment for something to say, but I'm kind of embarrassed to take it. She wont have time to read it all in a 10 min appointment and I feel that I'm just going to leave being no further forward.
Sometimes I wish I was completely broken so I did know for a fact I had a good reason to go. I actually want there to be something wrong so I can get some help. I dont want to come away with nothing, but how do I make sure I get somewhere?
Sorry for ranting, I just wanted to get it out there.