Posting for traffic - talk some sense into me

[Tinaarena]

I sat down with dp of 20 years last night and after dragging this out for a number of years we decided to have a break - we both kind of think tis will be the end.

Im sat here with ds who is 7, hes so happy and content right now and im about to break his little world up. dp is next door watching the match, hes calling his mum tonight to ask if he can stay with her for a while until we sell the house.

Im having a massive wobble right now, wondering if ive done the right thing. I know everyone must feel like this but ive not split up with anyone in 23 years and having major pangs of guilt here. tell me it gets better.

I did post in relationships if anyone can be bothered to read the full version of events.

I think it's normal to have a wobble. Can you link to your thread in relationships? Have you tried counselling, everything? It's natural to want to protect our children from hurt, but we have to care for ourselves too and that includes being happy in our personal lives. We can't care for others to the best of our ability if we're unhappy ourselves.

[https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3740000-I-wanted-a-break-and-got-one-so-why-am-I-so-upset?msgid=91473682#91473682 my other thread]]

I think this is how to link??

After grieving each separately for family deaths we both saw counsellors. he became best friends with his and started going out with him. I only had 4 sessions through work, and dont feel thats anywhere near enough.

try again

I've had a look at your last couple of threads - you have seriously been through the wringer. No wonder you're feeling like this.

Are you going to tell DS together or has it been left to you?

The only word of advice I would offer on that front is that it's better to tell him together with a clear message that it's not his fault and you both still love him. Those things are obvious to you but not to children so he will benefit from hearing it said.

I know it's really difficult but you will get through it. The environment you've described has not been good for any of you, including DS, so focus on the healthy home you can build instead of this. It feels shit right now but it's a transition phase. Keep reminding yourself that and be kind to yourself.

Some of what you're feeling now is grief for the future you expected and hoped to have. That doesn't mean this is the wrong decision (based on what you've described it does sadly sound for the best) just that it's another loss and that's painful. It's ok to grieve for it.

Do you have anyone in real life to support you?

Thank you, I feel so lost! To make it worse he seems to be the happiest he’s been in years.
I think you’re right that what I’m doing is grieving the life I should have had - I keep thinking of family holidays my son will never have.

God I’m so miserable right now! I wish I could just go somewhere but I do t have anywhere to go really.

I think you’re grieving for the life you expected to have and it hasn’t worked out and I’m so sorry
You’re going to be fine you know
Look what you’ve got through on your own already
Stepping into the unknown is scary but you’ll soon be picking up the threads of your new life.

You really haven’t had much support from him have you?

The thing is despite all this he’s a really good man, just had a hard time in life himself too.
He feels massively let down by me when in actual fact he couldn’t see I was also grieving and upset.

That aside no, one or the things o told him last night is how much resentment has built up from me about his behaviour. The fact he let me be a single parent, while he was out partying and only toned it down when his mum said something to him. My words went Un listened to.

I’ve felt trapped and alone for so long I don’t know whether I’m making the right decision, I’m still grieving or whatever?? I’m just messed up. I really don’t want to be here anymore.