Difficult work colleague

[Theirishwan]

I have been working with a very difficult work colleague for a number of years now.

We work in a school and in the same “dept”. She doesn’t like me and has a habit of twisting and turning things I say into a negative against her. Last year, after a particularly bad time of it, I decided that for my own mental health to only engage with her on school related business and when others are present (witnesses). Apart from that I would avoid her and not allow her any opportunity to get at me.

This worked really well until last week when she managed to get to me when I was doing some work in one of the classrooms. Unfortunately for her, she didn’t realize that the school principal was walking behind her and heard everything she had to say to me.

We have a meeting after school this coming Wednesday and I cannot wait to get it all out on the table.

I have been making notes and will be telling everything. At the same time I’ll have to be very professional and clever because she can turn things being said.

The principal walking in on it is the first proof I’ve had. Talk about perfect timing. Although I was shook up I was also relieved.

Ive also heard that other staff members have been making complaints about her too. I think her true colours are showing now.

Thanks for listening.

Who asked for the meeting?

I asked for the meeting.

What did she say to you?

Who else will be there, apart from you and her?

I had actually asked for the meeting 2 weeks ago to finalize timetables (now that option subjects have been chosen). Normally we don’t have a meeting about it and I just type up the tt’s for the four of us in our dept, having agreed the main details at the end of August.

Colleague “P” has asked for changes 3 times (different change each time) and then is saying to other staff members “she keeps changing my tt, I don’t know where I’m supposed to be any more.” And that she wasn’t consulted about the tt at the beginning. She was in the meeting at the beginning but chose to “leave us to it because she wanted a cigarette and we knew what we were doing”

There will be 4 of us and the principal at the meeting.

I’ll have to be very ... clever because she can turn things being said.

Er, that sounds like you're planning to lie (or lie by omission). Can't you just stick to facts?

There won’t be any lies. It will all be facts and things she has said to me. I just want to get the truth out without it turning into a big row.

Does everyone going to the meeting know the purpose - to discuss timetables or to discuss how you better find a way to work together. To turn up with notes on their behaviour at a timetable meeting doesn’t sound like it would end well

Is the meeting about her?

After the incident last week, the principal took P into her office for a talk. She then came back to me and asked if I was ok. And said that she would deal with the situation.

Friday she came to me and said that we are all having a meeting Wednesday. I presume it will start off about the tt’s and will lead on to our situation. The other 2 members of the dept are encouraging me to tell all. One has worked there over 20 years and the other about 5 weeks. The newest one said to me earlier last week “she’s nasty to me but really seems to hate you”

If things don’t get discussed at this meeting then I’m going to request a follow up meeting

I had actually asked for the meeting 2 weeks ago to finalize timetables

There will be 4 of us and the principal at the meeting.

Don't raise this without warning at this meeting. She will complain correctly she has been publicly ambushed without warning and may suggest this is a form of bullying.

What you need to do is speak to the principal about what she overheard and request a specific meeting with just the three of you to discuss her treatment of you. She needs to be told what the meeting is about in advance.

I agree - you cannot spring this on her.

I read your op thinking 'are you me?!' Even down to a colleague being there to overhear and them not realising it.

I would take your principal's lead on this. If they do not bring up the behaviour, it is possible they feel it has been dealt with. And it's unlikely they will tell the other person their behaviour was bad, IME it is more likely to be a generalized conversation.

Great you have have your other colleagues' support though 👍

My god, you could be me! Be incredibly careful what you say in the meeting. Stick to the recent issues and allude very carefully to any other issues for which you have solid proof.

Thank you all. I’m just so tired from it all. I love my job but some mornings just want to burst into tears. Then I get annoyed with myself for letting her make me feel like this.

I will take the principals lead on it.

If the principal doesn't mention it then ask them if you can have a quick chat after the main meeting.

The one peice of advice I would give you is to ignore your colleagues egging you on to spill all. They will not put themselves in the firing line and won't be seen for dust after all the drama.
I would ask the principal for the agenda for the meeting. I doubt that They are interested in more than resolving the timetable issue at hand.if you want to give chapter and verse going back many months book a separate meeting. Do you want to raise a grievance? Think very carefully indeed. Do you think that now the principal has spoken to the person things will improve?