please help me refuse family Christmas invite politely

[peridito]

SIL has suddenly invited the 3 of us for Christmas ,This is unexpected .

Please help me decline politely ,what do I say ?

" Thank you so much for your lovely suggestion but we're such stick in the muds and ...

"So kind of you but ...

I think it's the explaining why that is stumping me ,I can't just say thank you but no thank you !

Why don’t you want to go?

That should be your reason, surely?

If you usually have a quiet family Christmas at home just say that.

Thanks Saucery yes that sounds sensible .

fedup21well ,yes that's the knub of the problem I suppose .I don't want to go into all the details here but they're not really ones I could quote to SIL .Because they would sound rude .Nothing sensational ,very different life styles .

Thanks for the invite, but we have already made Xmas plans, so that won't work for us.
Maybe we can arrange something in 2020.

just say that you want to stay home as xmas is one of the very few days that you can all stay home and chill x

I would go with mummy17's suggestion, perhaps offering to meet up in the time between Christmas and New Year (Park/National Trust/pub...). That way, you are making it clear you want to enjoy her company; just not on that particular day!

I think we're getting there - I knew you clever /more socially skilled ppl would help .

ABC yes ,I would v much like to meet up with them but just not stay with them for Christmas ( they are some way away and offer includes beds ) .

I think mummy17's suggestion sounds a bit harsh. "It won't work for us" and "Maybe" meet up in 2020 definitely implies that you don't like her company and don't really want to arrange something in 2020.

Just say something along the lines of what a nice invite, you've already got Xmas planned so can't stay with them but it would be lovely to meet up. Suggest a date for that meet up and where you could meet up. If you can't do it over xmas then propose an early 2020 meet up

‘What a lovely offer, thank you. We’re already organised, but let’s catch up soon.’

Just say you already have plans but thanks for such a lovely (and unexpected, wtf!) offer. Easy.

It's absolutely fine not to accept, but assuming you generally have a good relationship that you want to nurture, I think it is really important to come back with a concrete suggestion of an alternative get-together. Inviting someone to spend Christmas with you is (I think) quite a big deal, and if I invited a family member to come and stay and just got a breezy "Sorry, we can't, but let's catch up soon!" I would actually be quite hurt. If time/distance allow I would definitely suggest that you meet over the festive season, and suggest a date.

Maybe you have just invited guests to your place for Christmas already....

Thankful for the very generous offer but we have already planned and are looking forward to a quiet Christmas at home to recharge our batteries. We should definitely meet up after Christmas chaos. Let’s plan something for early next year. Xx

Thank you so much for the invitation. I am afraid we are traditionalists and don’t leave the house on Christmas day🤣! But i would really love us to do more family stuff over christmas. Let’s start a newt radio so for Boxing Day/news years day. What do you think - pub lunch then big winter walk? Or get everyone together on Boxing Day for a Christmas movie, mince pies and mulled wine??

A new tradition not new radio😳

"Thankyou for your invite, unfortunately we are unable to come as we have already made plans.. We would love to meet up in the new year though when things aren't quite so hectic for us all. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas " then sign off as you usually would.

You guys are good !

As pointed out - it is a big deal to offer to host 3 adults over Christmas and I absolutely agree that arranging a meet up after Christmas ( which I would like ) is the way to go on .

I'm so pleased I posted this ( though goodness I'm a grown adult ,how come I need advice on etiquette ?) and the replies have been so helpful !

Definitely don't say "it won't work for us", it sounds so rude, as though "us" six all that's being considered. Fine to say to a CF but not someone trying to be kind! Just say thanks but you've already made plans, but will try and get over there at some point over the Xmas period.

I’d make a specific suggestion about when you could meet up over Christmas, so it’s clear that you really mean it - even if SIL can’t do that date/place and you end up with something different. “Lets meet up soon” can be interpreted as a brush-off.

Is there somewhere halfway between you that would do for a day out between Christmas and New Year?

yes I agree re specific suggestions for a meet up .

I do like DollyMixtures suggestion btw ,might adapt it a bit .

Definitely not "let's meet up soon" - even is you absolutely mean it, it sounds like a brush off, especially by text/email.

And I wouldn't vaguely say something about having "plans" if what you are actually doing is having a quiet one. There is nothing wrong with saying you want a quiet Christmas, but to me, "plans" imply preexisting invitations, bookings etc. If someone told me they had "plans" and then I subsequently found out they just didn't want to see me, to be honest I would feel they had been deliberately misleading. If they just were upfront and said they needed quiet time, I would understand and not be upset.

If you don't want to stay with them at Christmas you need a reason that covers all future Christmases as well. So 'we really love our quiet family Christmas just the 3 of us/always stay with the Kardashians, stuck in our ways'