What decision would you make?

[dawsonscrack]

I’m currently on maternity leave with my 6.5mo DD. With annual leave etc I’m not due back at work until mid June so have about 7 more months with my baby.

Out of the blue I have been offered a new job which: looks really interesting, is more pay (possibly a 10-15% rise), with great manager, would be brilliant for CV and further progression. But, I would need to start in January, at which time DD would be 9 months.

I’m so torn. My head says take this great opportunity with all of the benefits and new skills I’ll learn. It would be a huge boost for my career. However, the thought of leaving my baby makes me cry. I thought I had seven more months of leave with her and I don’t want to lose five months of that. She’s just starting to show her little personality and after a tough first few months I’m so looking forward to taking her out every day and really making the most of it. I’m still breastfeeding and she is still in beside me at night or we cosleep. I just don’t even feel close to being able to be away from her, and so far I haven’t been for more than two hours. We have no family nearby, so she would have to go to a nursery or possibly a childminder if I could find a good one.

I’m really stuck. On the one hand this opportunity would be great for my career and I think that plenty of other younger babies are in nursery and are fine so there’s no reason she wouldn’t be. But, deep down, I think that this time is so precious and I could never get it back while (hopefully!) other job opportunities will come up in the future.

WWYD?

How likely for an opportunity like this to arise again? Perhaps the answer to this should be the deciding factor?

For the same role...unlikely. But I've been told that similar roles will be coming up in the not too distant future.

Do you think you'd like to have a second or even third baby in the future? That payrise might come in handy. Was the plan to go back full time in June for the current job?

I think if you're enjoying being home with your baby then maybe this is a case of right job, wrong time. Some mums are more than ready to go back to work by now so would leap at this opportunity but if you're happy at home for now it would be very hard to give up those extra months.

There's no easy answer.

I say go for it OP. It will be hard to leave her whenever that time is, but you may regret missing this opportunity.

@mulky plan is to have another baby at some point. Was only going to go back to current job 4 days p/w.

I cried for weeks before going bk. She was 10.5 months when I returned and honestly it wasn't so bad. I did only go back 3 days so didn't feel I was missing out on her. She also went to family 2 of the days and nursery 1 day. I didn't like leaving her at nursery, they get nothing out of it at that age. It was nice to get adult company and a hot drink when it's hot!

At 9 months old she will likely be either mobile or starting to get mobile, which is not fun, u need eyes in the back of ur head.

If u plan to have another baby soonish like get pregnant in 1-2yrs time then it wld probably make sense to go for promotion just now and then try and reduce ur days when u come bk from second mat leave.

@Shelby30 Thanks, that's helpful. I would need to put her in nursery for probably at least 3.5 days. It wouldn't be so bad if I thought she was getting something out of it but I just picture her sitting there for full days with strangers looking sad and confused.

They grow up so quickly though and from about 18months I think they do start to enjoy it. From about 2, she started asking me to go in my days off work 😂🙈

She wld also settle better if in more think that's why my girl didn't settle so gd, it was a whole week before she was back in again. Good luck with ur decision.

I would take it.

But then I was bored to tears at home and went back early at 8 months. My twins were in nursery 4 days a week and loved it. They’re now almost 11 and don’t remember anything about nursery even though they went till they were nearly 4!

Hi, I put my DD into nursery at nine months and she settled in perfectly then. She absolutely loved it. And going back to work I felt a bit more myself. Also, by nine months I was getting a bit bored.

It’s now my DD is close to 2 that I really miss her because they are so fun at this age.

The job opportunity sounds fantastic, you sound so enthusiastic about it that I would personally take it. Is it in the same company?

Mine are teens, with the benefit of hindsight I would say take the job.

I did it at around that age. I was exhausted and ended up regretting it. Baby got sick regularly from child care and I was having to constantly call in sick. The company took a turn and I had to leave the job anyway. I wished I'd stayed with him! His health would've been so much better.

There’s no way I’d put a job before spending time with my baby. If they want you for the job, they’ll wait. You’ll never get this time back. If they won’t wait for you, it’s a case of right job wrong time. You say that it’s unlikely that another role like this will come up. How can you know that? A month ago you didn’t know about this job. The right opportunity at the right time will come up. Enjoy your time with your baby.

@ittooshallpass I don't know for sure but I think it's unlikely because it's a newly created role within a small team so I can't imagine that they will replicate it soon... appreciate your other feedback though

There was a time when we only had 4 months maternity leave and kids were all fine going off to nursery/childminders. I think you should go for the job. Like the majority of babies your dd will settle in and you will all get used to the new routine. Not many mothers relish the idea of going back to work after having a baby but needs must and even 9 months off with your baby is a luxury a lot cannot afford, so you are lucky to get that much. Believe me when your kids are teens you won't be looking back thinking you wished you took an extra few months off. You'll hardly even remember it. However you may be well established in the career you want and in a much better financial position to put those teens through uni.

I think go for it.

I also think, go hell for leather now on finding a great childminder, not a nursery.

I went back FT when dd was 5 months old. Only got 6 months leave then and I spent 1st month hospitalized before she was born. It's hard at first but imhe the thinking about it is worse than the reality. You soon get into a new routine. I'd definitely go for the job.

I would go for it.

Sorry, pressed post too soon.

I would go for it. I didn't and I wish I had.

It seems like it would be a shame to pass the opportunity up.
Is there any scope for negotiation?
Eg delayed start even by a month or two
Or reduced hours to start working up to full time
Or condensed hours

I can understand why it’s thrown you in a spin because it’s so different to your plan. Try everything to see if you can make it work before deciding it’s not for you. It might be! And if they can’t be flexible at all may be a sign that as role it isn’t great for a parent.