I've adopted a cat - help!

[Bikeridergo]

Posting here for traffic.

Totally new to the whole pet thing! We've recently adopted a cat. She's 2 years old. We've followed all the instructions and guidance from the shelter.

She's been with us for 5 weeks now. She came from a family with children, several other cats and multiple dogs too.

When we first brought her home, she immediately hid. She's now much better but still hides for considerable amount of the day. She can be stroked if you go to her but she will pretty much always walk/run off.

She will scram and try to bite very often. She won't let us pick her up (at all!).

Toileting, eating and drinking is all fine.

I was under the impression that after 5 weeks she'd be a bit more, erm, approachable

Is this typical behaviour for an adoptive cat? I was hoping she'd be snuggling on my lap by now and sleeping on my bed!

What was she like when you saw her in the shelter, and how long had she been there before you adopted her?

She seemed OK in the shelter (but my knowledge of cat behaviour is minimal). She'd been there for quite a while, around 3 months which is quite long for a shelter so I'm told.

Stop trying to pick her up. Most cats don't like it, some will tolerate. Hand feed lots of chicken. Does she have a safe space/room to get away from everyone? Talking to her/reading out loud in a soft voice will help her to trust you, especially if more roast chicken involved. Don't try to force anything, cats take a long time, (months) to properly assess whether a situation is safe for them.

By Christmas, she'll most likely be snuggled next to you.

Might be worth trying a feliway plug in - we used these both when we got our first two cats who were very shy, and when we introduced a new kitten to them a number of years later. It seems to have worked for them and we no longer need to use them.

I imagine the cat is pretty stressed. Living in a house with a lot of cats and then being in a shelter will have been difficult. It is difficult, but perhaps see if you can leave the cat to come to you rather than going to her so that it is on her own terms? Our very shy female cat still doesn't like to be approached too much, but we have learnt her body language over the years (4.5 years) and now know when she is happy to be approached. She will also come to us when she wants a fuss. Perhaps think if there is any pattern to where/when she likes to be fussed and focus on approaching her only during those times and situations for a while?

When I got my cats I had dreams of cuddling them all the time and them being proper lap cats, but all three of ours have very different personalities and have settled well over different periods of time. Fingers crossed she settles soon.

Agree with the picking up thing most cates hate it (mine does - I only pick him up if really necessary)
Don’t worry give her time she will learn to trust you - she’s had a really horrible life up until now and you must understand that it’s going to take her time to feel settled and to trust you, cats are so intelligent so easily upset, they thrive on routine which gives them confidence - she just needs some peace and loving, food, warmth and a good atmosphere she will definitely settle in, she may not ever be a ‘lap cat’ but she will learn to trust you and your patience will be rewarded. Good luck and thanks for being kind to her and giving her a loving home (and any chance of a photo ) 😻

I have three cats I can only pick up the one easily the other two one goes limp and slides/struggles out the other says no and leaps away (I know cats c6snt talk but it really sounds like nooooo!!)

Try a plug in and playing to encourage more time out

You haven't given her enough time to train you. Everything has to be on her terms, not yours. Your only use is to pander to her whims.

Don't stock up on her favourite food, she'll change her mind. She will probably eat it if hungry but don't count on it. Not even with a tasty topping or sauce.

She will use her expensive cute cat bed for about 2 weeks then lose interest and will then only sleep on your chair or on your bed. You can stop that by folding an expensive clean jumper and putting it on a chair or something, or better still in an empty cardboard box, or by leaving a packed holdall open.

Thanks for all the feedback, most helpful.

To clarify I've only attempted to pick her up 3 times in the time we've had her. I don't harass her or anything

She's got a few hiding spaces that she spends her time in (one in particular). When she's there, she'll spread out on her back and always looks very content/grooming etc. During the evenings she'll tend to wander aroud the living room and sniff about the place. She's definitely an evening entertainer.

Will try the chicken tip, thanks!

Yes I agree with the picking up thing

I have a 3 year old who I’ve had since she was a kitten and she will tolerate being picked up...on her terms only.

If I do it and she really doesn’t want to, she will bite and scratch.

Cats don’t like change and being in a rescue must have been awful for her, patience will get you there.

Feliway plug in. Cheaper online.

Ignore the cat, they hate this and will soon come and demand they are SEEN!!

Have you contacted the rescue for advice. Where did you get cat from?

Also I’d ask MNHQ from your thread to be moved to “The Litter Tray” you will get loads of great advice in that section. But all advice must be paid for in photos of your new cat.

She'll get there, feliway plug ins are great, we got ours from amazon. Find something she likes, fish, chicken etc and when she's wandering about in the evening offer her some. Start off on the floor and work up to see if she'll take it from your hand. It'll take time to build her trust. We have a rescue who was turfed our into the street as a kitten, she was skittish when we got her but now she's such a wee snuggle monster. Took a long time though.

Where's the obligatory cat photo?

Ours probably took over a year to fully trust me. He’s now my very best friend and trusts me implicitly, as I do him. He adds so much to my life- I’m so glad I was patient!

It sounds like she just needs time to gain confidence and establish herself in your house. If she's grooming in sight of you she's relaxed at least some of time( providing it's not excessive stressed grooming). Talk to her, gently provide treats the she likes, I usually go for roast chicken or ham if I've a slightly edgey cat. The most important thing for cats is feeling that they have a secure safe territory. Congratulations on your new addition, I hope you both enjoy each other for years to come

Ok so it seems I'm just massively impatient

She has come on hugely in the last 5 weeks in fairness. She'll happily groom and roll about on the floor. She has a massive array of toys (ooops ) which she'll play with for quite a long time.

Alas, my camera doesn't work on my tablet so no photo, but she looks just like the Felix cat!

We got two young adults (Bro/Sis) from CPL . Been with us since May (at a year) they were found in a garden so their early socialisation was missed .

The male (we knew this before we met him) was painfully shy and had to be homed with his sister .
He spent the first 2 weeks under the sofa!

Even now they aren't 'cuddle cats'
The female will sleep on the chair next to my laptop. Or DD bed
The male will sleep at the curve in the staircase . Or our bed .

They do that lovely thing where they walk past and caress a human leg with their tails
But if she is on the cat tower and we dare to stroke her , the front leg comes out to bat us away crossly .

The male lets DD stroke his face and back and acrually drools when she does it .
I get glared at "Don't touch me woman, how very dare you even think to"

They are very single minded creatures . It's all on their terms . But , we wouldn't be without them

Five weeks is really not that long. My girl (rescued as a stray) when she was 5 months old took about 12 weeks to really settle in. Also,your cat may never accept being picked up if she's not been accustomed to it previously. Mine made it clear from the start that she didn't like being picked up (trying to bite and struggling) so I stopped doing it unless it was essential.

Agree with previous poster,try ignoring her! Cats usually don't like this,and will quite often approach you if they think that you aren't interested in them! Worked with mine! She's 7 years old now,and although she's not a lap cat at all,and can be a bit feisty and temperamental at times,she is also hugely affectionate,always licking me,head butting me and drooling. And not only when she's hungry!

I have a Felix cat too! I would go for Feliway, lots of cat nip and massively just ignoring until she comes round

It can take a while. One of my cats I acquired as a feral kitten around 4 weeks old. It was a couple of years before he snuggled up. The other one was much quicker. Get a nice fleecy blanket for her, and make sure she has quiet safe places, possible somewhere high up. 5 weeks is not long really.

Ignore the cat, they hate this and will soon come and demand they are SEEN!!

This is so true! We've had our rescue for 2 weeks, the deal was she's looked after by DH and DD, not me. So after we got her home and she'd been allowed to settle and explore the house, DH and DD were calling her from the big sofa whilst i sat on the smaller sofa MNetting. Guess where she went? Jumped up next to me, and when i still didn't respond, walked onto my lap and flopped down!

Are you coming up for Strictly???

Whoops! Meant to text that not post!

@TimeIhadaNameChange on the way

Have a look at the Jackson Galaxy videos on YouTube, op, we found them very helpful with ours.