Asking a teacher to be stricter... Can I do it?

[ChristmasCupsAComing]

My DD is 4 and as we say in the west of Scotland, a pure greeter. She will cry if she thinks it will get her out of something she doesn't want to do. We went through it all about a year ago and it settled down, but it's come up again since starting school.

Being very honest, there's a few others who seem to be the same and I think she is being inspired back to old ways. Her teacher is also very young and absolutely lovely, but possibly too lovely?

I have spoken to her, praised her and sanctioned her at home, but I'm worried that at school she is being allowed to get away with it. Today she cried because she didn't want to go to gym, so was allowed to colour, and also because she didn't want to go to out to play- and she was allowed to stay in!

It doesn’t have to be telling the teacher to do anything - the next time you’re speaking to the teacher, just mention that she is prone to fake tears at home to get out of things so you are happy for teacher to ignore tears if she thinks they are a try on - that way you are just passing on relevant knowledge about your child (and also making it clear you won’t be coming in to complain because your weeping child was forced out in the cold )

Just explain that your dd has form for crying her way out of what she doesn’t want to do. But don’t tell the teacher what to do.

Remember that there’s a classroom dynamic at work here too. Other children could find it intimidating and frightening if they perceive the teacher being too strict or harsh with an upset child. There’s a very good chance that the teacher is well aware, and letting her off the activity with a bit of colouring but praising all the others for joining in and letting her know gently that she’s missing out. These things are pretty common in the early stages of school and work themselves out over the course of a few weeks.

It’s fine to let the teacher know that she does this but don’t patronise the woman or insinuate she’s inexperienced or naive.

I think the way you've suggested framing it is absolutely fine OP. It's important for home and school to be on the same page and I think the way you're approaching it makes it seem like you're just keen to be on the same page about a behaviour issue - not like you're criticising the teacher or making an unreasonable request.

And she’s 4?

Poor child.

@Pinkblueberry you are way too quick to judge someone’s parenting! I simply stated what the law is. For what it’s worth I am pretty strict with my children and are far from precious!

No such law inScotland

I speak as an infant teacher in Scotland with 25 years experience

What ‘law’ are you talking about? @Mumofboth? That bizarre one you made up about kids doing as they please until they turn the magical age of 5 do you think that’s how it works in a reception class? A teacher gives instructions and all those who haven’t had their birthday yet can ignore them? And if teachers insist they comply then they are breaking the law?? I’ve heard it all now. Yes it’s a child based curriculum at that age - but again what are you thinking in terms of that? The September born children are forced to sit at a desk and do x y z while the summer norms spend all year just doing what they want?

-I simply stated what the law is.

Could you be more clear? I'm baffled

My lo is 4 and quite head strong, I've told his teacher to be firmer with him because he responds better. I think the problem is that the teacher always frames things as optional and if my lo think he has an option he'll usually opt out! I don't think there is anything wrong in advising the teacher to try a different approach. She'll soon see for herself if it works better.

She’s 4, I wouldn’t have her in school at this point tbh is there a reason you didn’t defer her
Don't all kids start school at age 4? Not all children need deferring, some need stricter boundaries.

All these posters saying she shouldn't have to do the things all the other kids are doing will be complaining in ten years that the kids are unruly and don't do as they are told!!
OP, I see nothing wrong with telling the teacher that she has form for crying to get out of things and that she isn't actually distressed most of the time.

Note the OP is in Scotland where there is no Reception class. P1 is more like Y1 and deferring children is much more common. September born also not relevant.