Mansplainer besserwisser colleague - how to handle?

[GoatCheeseTart]

Background - have just started a new job. Have a male colleague, exactly the same position, started 2 weeks before me. Colleague has been working in our industry for a couple of years, but in a totally unrelated position. We've been sent to another division for training. And OMG I have no idea how I'm supposed to sit opposite to him for the foreseeable future without strangling him.

Some examples:

• He keeps explaining everything to me like I'm 3 years old and he's been with the company for 20 years. He also keeps explaining things to people who have been with the company for 20 years, and are trying to teach us.

• acts like he's my manager or at least senior.
• asks everybody he meets who they report to. Then ignores everybody else, and blatantly sucks up anybody he considers important.
• directs me how to talk to our manager, what I should say or not. Note again, he knows the guy exactly 2 weeks longer than me.
• told me that one can never fully understand our business, if one has not worked in X type of company before (X being where he came from). I, together with 99% of people in our company have never worked for X type of company.

I could go on and on..

Any success stories dealing with people like that? Of course, I could just sit him down and tell him to rein it in, but I'm not sure if this is the best course of action - we do have to work together, closely. Smile and nod and ignore, hoping he won't last long? Any other options?

I'd just be polite and professional and try to keep away from him. He is doing this to other people and even the trainers, so they are all aware what he is like. You will make the best impression by being very polite and showing your social skills are equal to dealing with a difficult person.

Is there a probationary period? Because I'd just smile and nod and wait for him not to get taken on permanently.

If EVERYONE is getting the same treatment, nobody will be impressed, so unless he's an absolute genius at what he does, or you are in a very hard-to-recruit sector, I doubt he'll last long.

He'll probably get promoted.

There is a probationary period, but the company hardly ever makes use of it. Once you're in, you in most cases have a secure job for life, if you want it. Not hard to recruit sector.

Make sure that you do show off your own skills and abilities though, get in quick to show what you know when appropriate and be confident and assertive in yourself without being rude or giving your opinion at times it is not wanted as your colleague is doing. Some people do give credit for being a forceful personality and you don't want him to gain an advantage over you.

Start calling him Noel 😉

Most people will have seen what he's like and will be of the same opinion as you.
As for dealing with it, you can either ignore (v hard!) and carry on as you are or have it out with him!

Fake that's one thing I'm concerned about if I just ignore this, my own career and perception of my work. That if he behaves like he's so much smarter and more senior, will people start believing it?

A somewhat Machiavellian way to go about it would be 'TwattyMansplainingDickhead? Ah, bless him, he tries so hard to come across as authoritative, I'm sure once he learns the job properly that he'll stop talking down to people. [pause for dramatic effect] At least I hope he will, anyhow'.

And then when he patronises the experienced person training the two of you, a calm 'I think Fred knows more about this than both of us put together, TwattyMansplainingDickhead. Sorry, Fred.' It'll look more like you're managing him that way - and entertain Fred (and Wilma and Barney and Pebbles in the office at lunch when Fred tells them about it).

A more direct approach would be as you have to endure his company so much;

'Mate. You have exactly ten days longer in this job. You can stop 'looking after me' now. I'm good. Now, where's [that report, etc]?'

Having said that, I'd love to know what industry is easy to recruit to with no prior experience and tends to keep people in position. If you wanted to PM me, I promise I'd never do it to anybody out of fear of turning up in a binbag round the back of the staff canteen.

ooh I like this MitziK. With an addition of concerned head tilt.

He's getting better and better. I mentioned to 'Noel' that I know someone from the office already, as our DC are the same age, we went to the same NTC class.
Noel told me I'm wrong, he has seen the photo of colleague's son on her desk, and he's clearly much older than mine. Yes, the photo is of the same boy I was talking about. Whom I have met, and I know exactly when he was born. But I'm wrong, as Noel kindly explained.

😆 he's a proper know it all, isn't he?!

Wow. He is an arse isn’t he. Can you and this other person get together and ‘kindly’ explain to him that he’s wrong?

I should. I bet he will explain to colleague as well that she's wrong about when she had her baby, and her 5-year old is really 8..

How do other people react to him?

I understand with you being a new starter too that you don't feel you can just give him the death stare and tell him he's being ridiculous, but how are all the more established people (and the trainers) reacting to his rubbish?

The more people who say 'oh, do shut up, you crap-talker!' the more likely he is to get the message.

'It's ok you know, you don't have to try and prove yourself all the time (kind smile) I know it's scary starting a new job but just relax. You are coming across as a tiny bit insecure if you don't mind me saying!'

'No, I'm not wrong. I know this person, and I know her son, and YOU are the one who is wrong about his age, as you don't know them. Do you have any idea how utterly silly you sound? You really need to think a bit more before you speak, especially to people you hardly know.'

That if he behaves like he's so much smarter and more senior, will people start believing it?

IME that’s exactly what happens, if it’s a man (which it always is),

I mentioned to 'Noel' that I know someone from the office already, as our DC are the same age, we went to the same NTC class.
Noel told me I'm wrong, he has seen the photo of colleague's son on her desk, and he's clearly much older than mine. Yes, the photo is of the same boy I was talking about. Whom I have met, and I know exactly when he was born. But I'm wrong, as Noel kindly explained

Oh my God what a twat he is.
Well he clearly doesnt need careful handling. I would laugh at all of his utterings since they are of no value at all. You dont have to keep on about it but a laugh and shake of the head at whatever he comes out with will deter him.
These office twats do abound unfortunately and Ive experienced the office twat who was an expert in every field possible despite having worked in the same job and office for most of his working life. Save future colleagues from this fledgeling idiot and start putting him right. He has no authority over you and you are actually doing him a favour by not putting up with it.

Besserwisser German really does have a word for everything.

How do other people react to him?

There have been some eye rolls, so hopefully others won't start believing he is actually super smart and managing me.

Wow he sounds like he has the hide of a rhino, and the self-awareness of an amoeba! What a prat!

But nobody is challenging him? It's all very well eye rolling but he won't see that - people need to start telling him he's talking bollocks. Because otherwise he is happily thinking that everyone is swallowing his rubbish, or, worse, that they all think he's right.

"Besserwisser German really does have a word for everything."

Yes!

Maybe at some point Op will enjoy some Schadenfreude

Zaph I think it's company culture thing. We are supposed to be super nice and inclusive and everybody gets to express their opinions etc. Certainly seems to have a general issue with calling out BS.

Deffo get a bunch of one liners handy. And do cut him off. A I must stop you there, is very useful.

He sounds like one off the apprentice, swears orange is blue and he knows because he invented blue.

He sounds like a genuine pain in the arse.
My advice would be to avoid him when you can and never show him anything that can be perceived from his side as you being ‘weak’.

This is the type that will throw you under the bus without giving it a second thought if he could benefit from it.