How do I tell my DC about death?

[Ayemama]

My Gran passed lastnight.
We were very close and saw her regularly and she adored my Children (her long awaited great grandchildren), my 3yo was especially close to great granny, how do you explain to a 3yo that great granny isn't with us anymore without confusing or scaring her?

We've said something along the lines of:

There's a lot that doctors and nurses can do to help people, but sometimes people get too old or too ill and their bodies wear out and they die. It's really sad for people who miss them, but we all have to die eventually or there wouldn't be room for new babies in the world. When people die, they don't need their bodies any more so we burn or bury the dead body and sometimes have a gravestone or plant a lovely plant so that we have a special place to remember them.

The body goes back into the earth like compost to help new things grow.

Both sets of DD's grandparents are regular churchgoers, so we've said something about 'some people think you go to Heaven where you can be with all your family who've already died, but nobody really knows.' From there I went into a bit of imaginative distraction about whether my Nan and DH's Nan would have met each other up there and how much they would both have loved DD.

I found that DD wasn't frightened, but curious. At 3, they don't have all the social baggage about death that we do.

Sorry for your loss.

For a 3 yr old there is a lovely book called no matter what which is all about loving people whatever happens touches on death. The last line of the book is love like starlight never dies.

Or waterbugs and dragonflies
But I think a simple explanation is best. Children can be surprisingly accepting and resilient. But they may need extra reassurance over coming days that nothing is going to happen to you.

Badgers parting gifts is another age appropriate book.

Sorry for your loss

We told DD, then 4, when my dad died (19 years ago today) that he had gone back to being a star.

I was recommended this by the children's hospice when my DH died... Its a very moving but practical way to explain to children... So sorry for the loss of your Grandmother...

I think it can be frightening to tell a child a grandparent’s or great grandparent’s body will be burnt! I left that bit out even for slightly older DC. When they know someone is ill it is easier to explain. For a 3 year old I would keep it simple and let them ask questions. Answer truthfully. They won’t understand a long speech.

I still have the address book I had 20 years ago when DHs mum died. My then 7 year old obviously got the address book out and crossed out her grandma’s name and wrote: “she has died”. I think they do understand but obviously miss the visits.

I am sorry for you losing your nan.