Any one else military organised and worried it’s gone too far?

[Gonetoofarmaybe]

It’s an odd one.

I am a single parent of two primary children.

I have always been extremely organised and meticulous about detail. It has stood me in good stead generally, as I have a great career that favours attention to detail, which allows me to very comfortably financially support my family. Plus - I never forget anything school related, admin related, holidays and days out are booked far in advance and planned, basically - nothing slips through the net. Every cupboard is organised, I’m ruthless at binning and recycling, the polar-opposite of a hoarder. Our home is beautifully clean and tidy, any home related jobs are immediately dealt with, I chase any tradesperson etc who hesitates to respond etc.
I have a lovely group of friends. However no one knows extent of my planning. It’s a joke that I organise everything and I’m on top of things... but I conceal how ruthless I am in my planning.

The upside is that there is no stress about missing out / being late / losing things etc

BUT - this morning is first morning in goodness knows when where I haven’t organised something - whether a day trip or even me sorting out a cupboard whilst the children play etc. And it’s been so relaxing! It’s got me thinking. Have I taken it too far? Both children are very happy and well behaved. But then I wonder whether I’m too on to them - to ensure that organised etc.

Is anyone like me? Concerned that they have taken it too far?

I'm like you OP. I've always been very organised and prompt, everything done and dusted every day. And no I don't think it ever went too far - I like being very organised and I take pride in it.

I understand you saying that today you had a relaxed day, and you really enjoyed it ....but if you were like that every day, things would be different . You'd be disorganised, things would get lost , kids would miss things. Life could get pretty shambolic.

Stick to your organised ways - it does pay off in the long run. My kids, like yours, had / have a happy life and no apparent scars from being well managed. Yours will be fine - and you will too.

Are your children able to organise themselves, or do you do all their thinking for them because you don't trust them to do it to your standard?

You were able to completely relax because everything else was sorted. Maybe make it so one day a week is like this a down day for everyone.

I would give my right arm to be like you. I'm crap at organising and it's so stressful

I'm well organised but also have plenty of down time. For example this morning I had I lie in and now I'm having breakfast and mumsnetting. Then have stuff to do later but because that's planned and my down time is planned I can properly relax. Rather than panic about when stuff will get done.

Maybe you just need to plan home days doing nothing in to your tight schedule?

Will reply later - sorry can’t now
Thank you

I heard an interesting remark recently, "there is no such thing as stress, just poor organisation". There is more than a grain of truth to this.

OP, you are my idea of heaven. In another life time I'd love to be like you. I'm the opposite. Naturally chaotic and forgetful, so I make massive efforts every day to create routines that work for the family. We are organised, because I grew up in chaos and hated it, but I find it so hard to remember to be organised. It doesn't come naturally and i still use people like Flylady to stay on track.

You sound brilliant to me. All you need to do is schedule in a 'be spontaneous' half day into your schedule every week or fortnight, so you can plan to wake up and decide on the spot what you fancy to do.

Really, I'd love to be like you.

I agree with pp make your relax days part of your planning. If you plan them in you can enjoy them
guilt free!

IMO Nothing wrong with being organised! And sounds like you have a nice calm home because of being on top of things. Much better than feeling constantly on the back foot and you can't catch up.

"there is no such thing as stress, just poor organisation - sorry but that is a bit facile. Has to have been written by someone who hasn;t had to do a full week;s work on one hour's sleep a night due to having a sick child, or who hasn;t had to give up seeing a child perform in a concert they are so proud of because an elderly parent is being hospitalised etc. Life can't always be planned. Being organised helps but stress often comes from things we can't or don't control.

Will reply later - sorry can’t now
Thank you

I heard an interesting remark recently, "there is no such thing as stress, just poor organisation". There is more than a grain of truth to this.

There's more than a grain of bollocks to it.

There are two things going on here though. One is being organised and tidy, on top of paperwork, on top of all the systems that keep life tidy. The other is over-scheduling. You can be one without the other! Have a good look at your family's scheduled activities and try and scale back on those to have more days with nothing planned. But keep all your tidy organised habits - those have nothing to do with whether you have a day out or stay in playing board games and reading books.

I was like this when my children were young. Mornings were like a military operation with everyone allocated a certain amount of time in bathroom etc. I rarely forgot anything to do with school and was only late twice when a car had broken down in the rush hour traffic we drove through every morning. I was a single parent so life was easier this way. I also always organised any trips away or nights out with friends, taxis, hotels, travel. etc. My children are now the same and have very well paid jobs with leadership roles. Now my children are grown ups I'm quite slovenly and forget things. I think being very organised when you have children a good way to be and it does make you appreciate the times when you do nothing.

I am a lone parent also - but my children are 13 and 14 now. When they were younger I was like you, everything organised in advance (holiday childcare booked in a year in advance, meals planned , to do list ruthlessly monitored). I had to be that was to survive with two very little ones.

Now my children are more self sufficient I have taken my foot off the peddle somewhat, and the world hasn’t caved in it seems. It is nice to relax and recharge of a weekend.

Really appreciate responses.
Made me feel less... odd!

To some extent it’s a side effect of being a single parent with no family support network whatsoever. However it is part of me too.

And you’re right PP. I have been able to enjoy this morning on top of everything. House lovely and clean, school bags already by front door etc.

I suppose I worry that if I ever meet anyone (I shudder at the thought at the moment! But sad to think never in the future) that I will be so regimented and military that I would be difficult to live with. My other worry is that even though my children are very happy and settled now, I wonder how I will adapt as they grow older and perhaps don’t want to have so much structure and planning.

Oh well - for now - it’s working. And these posts have made me feel less of an odd bod about it - so thank you!

Actually OP, as they move into their teens, it really pays to be super organised. the key years are year 7 when they transition to secondary and many of them are white with shock at the responsibilities of it. Detentions for forgetting a book or bit of kit etc. If they are already organised, it's so much less stressful. Then there's the GCSE years. 10 subjects to keep track of, 10 lots of homework weekly, 10 things to fit into a revision timetable. Needing time to relax, exercise, eat healthy food etc too. It helps so much to have an orderly, planned life in those years. And then before they go to uni, the more self-disciplined they are about sorting out what they need when and managing their workload, the more likely they are to thrive.

Your habits will stay useful.

I think there is a balance personally but that may be because the people I know who are very very organised struggle with spontaneity & if things go off plan freak out. They can also be a bit controlling