Does anyone regret not going to ‘big events’?

[Helmlover1]

I’m talking supposed ‘big events’ in a person’s life like proms, graduation ceremonies, marriages, christenings, funerals etc.

I’ll start. I never went to my school prom as I was bullied throughout senior school, so whenever I look through other people’s prom photos now I feel a tinge of sadness, even though at the time I really didn’t want to go, if that makes any sense?! Also, one of my best friends got married a few years ago and at the time we weren’t speaking so I never got invited. We’re now really good friends again but I can’t help feeling a sense of slight resentment, and also anger with myself that we fell out about something silly which ultimately made me miss a really special day in her life.

I dunno, maybe it’s just me lol. Anyone else feel like this at times?

I have a friend (who is late 50s now) who has said a few times that she regrets not going to her graduation. She still maintains that she is happy (for herself) that she didn't go, but she didn't realise how sad her parents were that she chose not to. She said they said at the time it was her decision, not theirs, and never tried to pressure her, but realises as an adult how selfish she'd been and She said she wishes she could turn back the clock.

They’re only big events if you think in those terms, surely. I went to all four of my graduations, but it never occurred to me to go to my prom, I have not baptised my son, and DH and I got married with two witnesses in our lunch break — we don’t even have photos. Those aren’t “landmark’ events for me.

I am really not into ceremonies, so didn't bother with any of the graduation ceremonies I could have had; DS finished uni this summer and also didn't bother with his graduation, which was fine by me.

I also chose a simple register office wedding rather than church (so long ago that those were the only options back then), and never even thought of having DCs christened.

No regrets at all.

I had a crap time in high school and didn't go to prom because I really didn't want to and I wouldn't have had anybody to sit with anyway. I don't regret not going but the fact that it's a one time thing... Whatever else happens in my life, I'll never get another chance to have that experience, that makes me kind of sad if I think about it.

Same with getting a degree. I always thought I could maybe have a second shot at university after dropping out. Then fees trebled so I can't afford it. I don't regret dropping out but knowing that getting a degree and everything that entails is something that I'll never do is kind of sad to me.

Yes, that would bother me. I went to my graduations and go to all weddings (and funerals) that are feasible to get to. I’d rather do that than not go and regret it.

No. Prom wasn't a thing when I was at school but you wouldn't have got me there for all the tea in China if there had been one. I went to my first graduation under duress. My parents wanted to go and as my brother had not gone to his I felt obliged to go as they had done so much to support me. But it was very tedious and a waste of a nice sunny day. I probably would have regretted it if I hadn't gone though, but not for my sake - like a PP said I would have felt guilty about hurting my parents. I refused photos though so at least there is no lasting evidence . I didn't tell anyone that there was a graduation for my professional exams. Once was enough and nobody could be hurt by missing something they didn't know was happening.

I went to my DD's graduation this year because she wanted me too, but again, if I hadn't gone my regret would have been hurting my DD, not missing watching her walk across a stage in a silly outfit. My next child down is very like me. He has already declined to attend Prom and various awards ceremonies etc so I doubt he will want to go to his graduation which will be fine by me. I will go if asks but I certainly won't put any pressure on him to attend if he doesn't want to.

The only event I have felt bad about missing was my DD's 5th birthday. I got stuck dealing with an emergency at work and arrived just in time to see the party bags being handed out. Again, I wasn't bothered about the actual party but felt dreadful that I had let her down. Though we were actually talking about childhood memories the other day and the only thing she can remember about the party is one of her friends being terrified of the entertainer who was dressed up as a teddy bear, so my absence doesn't seem to have scarred her for life.

Other than that, no I can't think of anything I regret missing. I don't place much importance on ceremonies and I hate parties etc and will get out of going to things if I possibly can to be honest. I regret going to quite a few events though.

If I'm honest, I tend to feel that people who are obsessed with going to these conventional 'big events' (rather than the life events you decide are the big events based on your own priorities) probably have a fairly tickbox attitude to life, or not a lot going on on a day to day basis.

My Sil, who is lovely, is a bit like this -- she scrapbooks and documents every 'event', you can barely see any wall in her house under all the blown-up wedding/christening/prom/graduation photos, she had been planning her wedding since she was a little girl, and genuinely seems to think something is 'less' if a huge deal isn't made of it.

Obviously, that's her choice, but she remains utterly horrified that DH and I have no photos of our wedding, and don't know exactly which date it was or celebrate an anniversary we'd been together so long that for us it was a casual, practical thing to do. Our relationship was, and remains, the important thing, not the wedding she can't see that, and has for years been trying to come up with reasons why. She likes the idea that I was too shy to have a 'proper wedding', but how she squares that with the fact that I'm confident, socially outgoing and talk to audiences of several hundred people on a daily basis for work, I don't know...