Feeling disgusted with myself

[Filopastryface]

Just venting really. I put on nearly 4 stone while I was pregnant with my son who is now 3.5. Largely because I felt sick unless eating and I only wanted to eat bread, cheese and potatoes (unusual for me as I love veg and salad). I went from just under 10st to nearly 14st. I'm now just over 11st, which at 5ft3 is still much too heavy for my height.

I've always been an overeater, but before I got pregnant I was in the late 9s/very early 10s so just about within a healthy bmi. The lowest I can ever remember being in my adult life is about 9st7. I would be delighted to be that now. 11st just feels much too heavy for me.

I know exactly how to lose weight, I know about nutrition, I know about appropriate portion sizes, I enjoy healthy food (as well as unhealthy food). My problem is willpower. I have none. I have just baked a cake for my husband's birthday and have inhaled the leftover batter and buttercream icing. I feel bloated and horrible.

Is anyone else the same? I just feel I have no willpower and no motivation at all, and I feel I'm the same in all areas of my life - never committing fully to anything, always doing things lazily and half heartedly. I'm so angry with myself. I want a second baby but I would be a high risk pregnancy due to a traumatic first birth and I don't want to be overweight when I get pregnant, so we aren't ttc.

Just ranting really. Please don't recommend me any diets - I really do know exactly what I need to do. I just don't do it.

Is it partly comfort eating? Can you address why you need to eat to "feel" better?

Or is it sugar addiction? That is my weakness... cold turkey on sugary foods for 2/3 weeks really helps on that. From the willpower point of view I have to keep myself busy busy busy in the evenings to not pig out.

I mean I do comfort eat but largely I think I overeat because, as pathetic as it sounds, I hugely enjoy stuffing my face

It's not limited to sugar either. I can overeat salmon and green veg.

Ohhh you and I are very similar heights/weights, and with similar goals.

I took up a sport and although it didn’t really change my weight, my shape was so much better and I didn’t care! For various reasons I’ve not been able to do my sport for a while, but I’m determined since noticing the change back to before that I’m going to make the time for myself again.

So essentially- maybe a change to a more active lifestyle might make it easier to make better food choices?

Will power is hard to come by!
I have lost weight many times but keeping it off is so hard! I also like food and also eat when I am bored.

I should have said that I'm quite active - run 5k 3 times a week and walk everywhere

I was the same up until the summer, and then I reached my heaviest and decided enough was enough. I started calorie counting using an app and exercising more - it's been really hard work because I too like to stuff my face and there's been holidays and family events that could have ruined it all, but my mindset had to change to make a difference. I got further motivation by seeing the weight come off (gradually). I think you just need to reach your moment of saying 'no more!'

Stuffing your face on veg and protein is far healthier though...

Filo I've just come from a thread where one person said they brush their teeth four times a week and others admitted not doing it daily.

Please don't ever refer to yourself as lazy and horrible again.

Same height same weight, I was the same during pregnancy, I ballooned in my third trimester. Always sat at about 8 1/2 stone without doing much exercise or watching food before, and now I'm practically a binge eater. If it's in the house, I'll eat it. I know how to fix it, (list 20lbs a couple of months back) but I always give in to these old(new) ways.

Stuffing your face on veg and protein is far healthier though...

Naturally but its still overeating!!!

I just love to eat (anything) and I don't know how to combat that.

You need to work out why "stuffing" comforts you? Therapy is probably the answer...

I mean it's not even that it comforts me particularly, I do it even when I'm feeling fine. If anything I overeat more when I'm happy. It's like food enhances everything

I am similar. I have 3 children, gained four stone each time, for the same reasons as you. I lost it the first two times, but this time I have about 12 pounds left. I'm 10st 7 at the moment, and also binging on crap, largely at night time. Like you, I know what to, but I don't have the energy to find the willpower to do t. My youngest is one, I'm still breastfeeding and co-sleeping. I know it's not an excuse but I don't think broken sleep helps with healthy eating.

Flaming hell woman!
Your body has sustained you and and a new life all while carrying on with everything else you hubbys can’t do in the last 3.5 yrs and you’ve lost 2/3 of the extra!
You’re just stuck on the hamster wheel! I exercise I walk, I can eat this.....I eat this , I’m massive, I should exercise and eat this.......round and round!
Calm down.
A really helpful tip I learnt was this.....whatever your making, cooking, eating, have fairy liquid near. When you have stopped eating, ( not finished eating) pour some on quick .......sweets, steak, drink, chocolates all taste yuk!

I think you have done very well, mine were born ages ago and I’m still walking round with an extra flotation device around my middle!🤣
I still can’t jog etc for any distance, and I used to run for my country as a teen!

I totally get that re lack of sleep. My son is a fabulous sleeper though so I can't blame it on him!

I find I can't make any leftovers or I will overeat - I have to make exactly the right portion size.

I am the same height and weight as you and I too am totally fed up. I can’t exercise at the moment because I’m waiting for surgery and can barely walk. I’m eating to break the day up, rather than because I’m hungry. I need my motivation back!

I'm feeling depressed at the moment and feel the same as you, OP. Just in the last month I've piled it on. I know I'm not in that mindset and I'm comfort eating but I'm feeling more and more depressed at how uncomfortable I feel.

I'm very similar, son is 3 and I'm about 4 stone more than what I want. Even just ate cake batter!
I'm just really, really tired, mostly. Then end up eating crap.

Love, I have been up and down this scale so many times! Put on huge amount of weight with dd1 (4 stone!), lost it again then had Dd2, lost it again, had Ds, got way back down, then in my 40s piled it all back on again!! Went to Slimming world last year, and lost 4 stone, finally where I want to be, but I still go every week for the discipline of being weighed. I feel I am like an alcoholic, I need the accountability. You are NOT lazy! It is hard, it needs a mindset. Sometimes being the ideal weight isn't the most important thing in the world, then sometimes it is. Give yourself a break. You'll sort it when you are ready

Op your post is all too familiar. I’m a very similar height/weight too.
I’ve searched long and hard to find a reason for my need to overeat. Stress? Boredom? Unhappy? Happy? All or none of the above? I simply don’t know.
The only thing that I can come up with is... that I like food! Plain and simple. And I am greedy. I eat too much. I eat anything and everything. I don’t feel satisfied until I have stuffed my face. And then I feel horrible and ashamed. I hate the way I look and I hate the way I feel. I want to change, but obviously I don’t want it enough because I have been stuck in this cycle virtually all of my adult life.
I’m sorry I haven’t got any words of wisdom or helpful advice, but I just want you to know you are not alone in feeling like this.

I think we all self sabotage to some extent.
what works for me is having a goal - say a night out, that I want to look good for and for me it's all or nothing - so I will say no sugar at all as I find the smallest amount of refined sugar sends me off on rhe sugar train. I also like rules so 16 hour intermittent fasting works well in that I absolutely can't eat after 7pm
If I don't have a goal, I pretend I'm going on holiday in the next few days which shocks me into thinking about walking around semi naked.

I’m similar to you too. Always a big eater but only put on weight after dc and am the same height and weight as you with a similar goal weight!
I think I’m a sugar/carb addict though.
When I low carb it makes so much sense and seems easy but as soon as I eat carbs again, then I just go a bit mad. I’d be fine if I never touched the carb junk again but it seems impossible.
I do love to set goals and try to achieve them in other areas of my life though.
When I complain about my weight, my friends often say that I seem so sorted so losing weight should be easy for me, but it’s not.
I’m not ‘sorted’ either! I’m a huge procrastinator and only do things to deadlines. Maybe there’s my issue?
Who knows!

Low carb was disastrous for me tbh, I had no portion control at all on that.

I also have terrible willpower. However I’ve just lost 10.5lb. I’m 5”4 and was 10 stone 3.

I’ve had to really hit the gym and calorie count using my fitness pal. I’m very “all or nothing” so have found sticking to a strict calorie count the only way.
Would you try to 5:2 diet? I’ve intermittently done that and found that after doing fast days I’m less likely to want to eat crap on the 5 normal days.

I've done 5:2, I've done them all. They all work but I don't stick to them.

The thing that works best for me is 3 appropriately portioned size meals a day and no snacking. I can maintain that better than anything else but at the moment I'm totally demotivated and I don't know why