NCd for this and apologies in advance as it's very long and detailed.
I'm doing a postgrad course in IT and for one of our modules this Semester we've got to do a group project which will deliver a written 40 page paper and a 10 minute presentation.
It's a tiny class - 15 people - and 2 groups formed naturally as the students work for the same companies. I was easy going about what group I'd end up on - none of the rest of us know each other particularly well, so I ended up in a group with Harry and Shane (not real names and let's call me Sarah).
Shane is fairly easy going so I don't have a strong impression of him other than he's nice, helpful and easy to talk to.
In terms of Harry, I thought of him as a decent bloke - genial and helpful - but he's not a strong communicator - he frequently asks questions in lectures but they are long-winded and it's often very difficult to understand what his point is. I got the sense his brain is just wired differently and he completely understands what he's trying to ask but no one else can. He's hugely passionate about the course and has often mentioned how he and his buddy will spend hours (until 3 in the morning) working on coding practice.
Anyway, we've started working on the project by having Skype calls and also meetings after lectures. Shane and I have more than once tried to suggest dividing up the deliverables between us, but Harry has rejected this idea each time. On every Skype call/meeting we've had so far, Harry has dominated the call, essentially 'training' us on what needs to be done. He doesn't agree with the course material and over the course of a few weeks has gone off and found alternative versions. Every call has gone on longer than expected and I've mostly come away feeling like I’ve lost hours of my life that I'll never get back and that we’re not really getting anywhere.
Also, every call involved Harry saying that we've plenty of time and that he was going to focus on finishing his other homework and projects.
Anyway it has come to a head this week. On Wednesday we got 7 WhatsApp messages to our group chat saying that Harry had started the document and had produced 27 pages the night before. This was news to us as we'd never even got close to discussing producing the actual document. We had another meeting after our lecture on Wednesday where Shane and I tried to divide up the deliverables and it turned out Harry hadn't even read the project spec! I couldn't hide my shock and frustration. Harry then spent 45 minutes scribbling on a page telling us what we should be doing and how we all need to do the next piece together on another Skype call.
I'm not assertive or skilled at dealing with personalities like this so I decided to give another Skype call one more chance. The lecturer was going around each group and when he came to us, Harry told him he had suggested that Shane and I work together on once piece as it would help us to upskill and with the upcoming exam. When the lecturer left I lost it a bit and said to Harry that there was no need to say that to the lecturer - that Shane and I are not children. He was shocked and stumbled over an apology.
Anyway, as we were leaving Harry went off to collect his belongings and I heard him ask Shane if he could walk with him. I wondered if my ears would be burning.
So we get on the Skype call on Thursday and Shane hasn't joined yet. Harry tells me that he and Shane had a chat and Harry suggested that Shane lead this call (which I was delighted about as I knew we might actually get some real work done). So we waited 10 minutes and no sign of Shane. I had no desire to stay on a call listening to Harry so I suggested we hang up and I'd join back if Shane turned up.
I went off and caught up on Strictly ITT 
.
45 minutes later I got a WhatsApp message from Harry saying:
"Hey Sarah, I rang you back a couple of times [on Skype which I was only logged into on my PC so hadn't seen]. No answer, so I assume you only want a chat if Shane is online. So listen why don't you guys carry on with what ever you want to do. I gong to switch over to doing my other project now speak to you guys next week. I sent Shane a txt as well no answer."
So I replied saying "Hi Harry sorry I left my desk and didn't turn Skype back on on my phone. Sounds like a plan - if I make any progress I'll update you both and maybe we can keep it ticking over offline".
Harry replied "No problem we can have a 10 mins chat if you . Let me know I making tea".
Now....I had no desire to get on a call with Harry - it was 9.30 pm and I knew a 10 minute chat could easily turn into an hour of him talking and would mostly involve him trying to ‘train’ me. So I was frantically trying to come up with an excuse with my DH. 5 minutes later I get this from Harry:
“Ok so we are not having a chat tonight I think you mean, well I given up making plans I think, I just leave people to whatever they want. Good night
Chat next week”
I waited 5 mintues and replied with this “Sorry Harry it’s a bit awkward for me now as just in the middle of trying to get some chores done before closedown.
I’ll let you know if I make any progress or get stuck with anything”.
This was a lie about the chores but was the best I could come up with. Shane then replied 5 minutes later with a huge apology saying he had been out and didn’t have his phone with him and had completely lost track of time.
So fast forward to Friday and I was off and had set aside the day to work on the project – Shane and I had already divided up some of the work between us, so I was doing that all day (on the irony). Then at 5.30pm the bomb dropped. Harry sent an email to our lecturer, copying me and Shane, saying he’s withdrawing from the project team. This is the text of his email (with a few identifying bits taken out):
“I decided to withdraw from the project team and deliver my a solo [topic] project,
I enclose a MyReasonsForLeaving document and a project0.3.pdf document I created last Tuesday both Sarah and Shane have a word project version. It's just the outline of the Tender bid idea of drawing up requirements and a mocking a bid etc , I proposed to the team and it's all original work and the only thing I copied was the link to the definitions of the terms like Shall, Should (RFC reference in the document etc ) I think it makes sense for both teams to use the same document if they wish - of course Sarah and Shane can decide to tailor it to their own liking or do their own thing. I think this sort of highlights when anyone does a project, a team either gets behind the idea of a project and goes with it to delivery or not. You can't do both - except and no pun intended, unless we do exactly that. We can both submit our own [topic] projects etc,
I enclose the reasons for going "Team Hans solo" below in my conclusions below. Apologizes for spelling or grammar !!!
Conclusions
So I woke up this morning, I thought there is either a lack of interest in this project by the others or more likely I have failed on my part to unite this team for any number of reasons. I am quite a driven
person and happy to do the vast amount of work. However I think sometimes as in this case, I think both Sarah and Shane have a variety of fantastic skills and I think they would work great as a
team together. I think personally, I expect people to be respectful of my time and the effort I put in and I think they will get more out of this project if they commit to working together to produce their
own version of an [topic] or whatever they wish to do etc.
I have enclosed the document that I produced for the last meeting and have removed the example pictures (they both have a copy already). It is now the 1 st of November and both parties I
believe have enough time to deliver decent content and I’m confident that both Sarah will Shane will be more energized to produce their project now. I put down our inability to complete this project together due to the lack of focus with the class work required from both modules. I feel more focused now to proceed and to deliver a project by myself and complete my other projects or assignments on the course. I wish Sarah and Shane good luck in their project and think they will equally feel perhaps more energized in completing their fork or version of the project. I do take full responsibility for withdrawing from the Meerkat team and of course you can deduce points as you
see fit for my solo project submission. My new Team will be called Team “Hans solo” which will consist of myself and an 8 foot hairy creative called Chewbacca. Together Team Hans Solo and
Chewbacca will deliver an intergalactic [topic].
To be self-critical of myself I think I drove a lot of the early Skype sessions which lacked focus due to my lack or rusty [specific IT area] knowledge. Also unifying a project based around [specific IT area]does require a somewhat involved approach in terms of implementation which I lacked from more recent projects
based on straight forward Agile, Scrum, Lean/Kanban and V model approach that I am more used to. It’s important to be self-critical as a person and as a team lead have certainly learned some things as
regards implementing a purely centric based [specific IT area]project in the future. Since this is a course, students probably need a fair balance of expected work time available i.e. outside of the classroom
and Sarah and Shane will probably be more busier than me, as I am not currently in employment. So this probably has a certain bearing on that bit of extra free time to put in which is
unavailable to the others.
“
He also attached a 3-page A4 letter with more of the same – but basically accusing us of laziness in a roundabout way. He gave all the specifics of the incidents on Wednesday and Thursday night (from his point of view) with multiple comments like this: “On the Thursday night, I connected to Sarah at 8.30pm we tried to contact Shane, no response. Sarah said she would connect back in a few meeting
when Shane hopefully becomes available. Time goes by and over the next 45 minutes Sarah is unavailable and responds on Whatsapp she has other chores to attend and declines my 10 min offer
of a discussion. We failed to have meeting, Sarah says she will work on something and update myself and Shane. What actually Sarah is working on or whether she is invested in this team to be
unavailable for 5 or 10 minutes meeting. But it seemed apparent to me that she had no interest in having a discussion when we first connected. There is of course nothing wrong with that, there is
nothing to say that people should be available and we have things to attend to in. “
Anyway, I know I’m turning into Harry here with the length of my post but I hope it’s all relevant. The net result is that he then WhatsApp’d us about 10 minutes after he sent the email saying what he’d done and he left the group and that’s been that.
Shane and I have chatted last night and we’re going to have another call tonight. We’re both in huge shock and think – to be blunt – that there’re something wrong with Harry and that this is beyond immature and inappropriate. For what it's worth, we are all adults with no one younger than their early 30s.
We’re going to have to spin up a new project but we’re happy to work together and I actually think we’ll find it easier once we catch up on the time we’ve lost.
I just don’t know how much to let go, in terms of what Harry has said about me to the lecturer. Also do I blank Harry at the next lecture or give him what for? My DH has already agreed to kick him in the shins (or worse) if I manage to graduate .
So wise, MNers – what would you do next? In terms of Harry, the lecturer and the project? And thanks if you made it this far.