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Partners mum overwhelming me

7 replies

Avrilina · 01/11/2019 21:21

Me and my partner are expecting our first child, I am 25 weeks pregnant. It’s my partners mums first grandchild so naturally she is very excited. However I find she is being a bit too pushy with certain things and I’m not sure if it’s getting to me due to hormones or whether I have every right to feel this way. For example, she is a nurse so often has to work Christmas Day, so has told work she will work this year as she wants her first grandchild’s Christmas off work next year. But she hasn’t even thought to ask what we would want to do for it (Christmas this year hasn’t even come yet, let alone next year)! It’s just the principal in my eyes. It’s like she’s making all these decisions and just presuming it will be her way. I’ve spoke to my partner and he said she will be upset if we don’t spend it with her but if we have other plans we will just have to tell her. Either way, we will make time to go and see her on the day but may have other plans for dinner. But now I feel backed into A corner and it’s all becoming a bit much! It’s over a year away! This is just one example of what she can be like and it’s not doing well for my hormones at the moment! I feel like the bad guy if when the time comes we maybe have dinner somewhere else when she’s clearly already got this image in her head. Help!

OP posts:
NoSauce · 01/11/2019 21:42

Right, deep breathes OP. Don’t blow this up in your mind, yes it needs addressing but you can sort it out without being made to do something you don’t want to.

Next time she brings it up you say something along the lines of “ I’m sure we will be able to sort something out on Christmas Day where you see us but we haven’t made any plans yet so can’t say for definite what we will be doing “ that kind of thing.

Just keep repeating that you don’t know what your plans are. Keep calm and in control. Some women are bossy and just take over where Christmas Day is concerned so you just need to bear that in mind.

Don’t refuse for the sake of it, it might be nice to have your dinner cooked and be spoiled just tell her you’ll let her know next year.

MadnessInMethod · 01/11/2019 21:49

Just smile and nod and let it all go over your head, because honestly, if you're getting this wound up over Christmas 2020, which is over 14 months away, it's going to be a looooooonng pregnancy.

Nobody knows what they will feel like doing in 14 months time and as the PP said, you might quite fancy going somewhere where you don't have to lift a finger, but it seems you're determined to start frothing about it now anyway.

AdaColeman · 01/11/2019 21:52

She is being completely OTT planing what she expects you to do for Christmas 2020! Totally unreasonable and controlling of her!

If it were me, I'd say something along the lines of it being far too soon to decide what you will be doing, and you will make your plans nearer the time. You will probably have to repeat a version of that several times before it sinks in! Wink

Something else to consider is to avoid agreeing to doing alternate years with various family. Once these have become set in stone, someone will kick up a fuss when you want to do things differently. Much better to stay flexible, then you can choose what you want to do, rather than HAVE to see Great Aunt Mable because it's her turn.

Merry Christmas! Wine

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GrumpyHoonMain · 01/11/2019 21:57

You are blowing this up out of proportion. NHS frontline staff, particularly nurses, often do need to book the holidays off a year in advance - it can’t be left last minute otherwise they won’t get it. She’s probably just covering her bases. My bil works in A&E and missed both of his children’s first Christmases because he wasn’t able to provide sufficient notice!

MadnessInMethod · 01/11/2019 21:58

On re-reading your OP she hasn’t even mentioned dinner, just that she wants to be off work on Christmas Day next year.

Maybe, just maybe, she wants to plan to be off work all day so that even if you can only call in for an hour, she can be flexible for you, rather than only being available for a couple of hours because she has to get off to work.

But like I said, you seem determined to invent a problem where there isn’t yet one.

Cordial11 · 01/11/2019 22:09

YABU she is a nurse. They need to book way in advance or miss out. She’s doing it as a ‘just in case’

Would you feel mad if it was your mum and not MIL?

Cherrysoup · 01/11/2019 22:19

Hmm, I’m split on this one. Has she accessed your medical records/demanded to be in the delivery room/bought the cot when you said you wanted to do it? If she’s only mentioned in passing that she’d like to be around for the baby’s 1st Christmas, then that’s ok. Just be clear with her about boundaries if you’re worried she’s going to try to stamp on them.

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