My boss fancies me, am I being out of order

[pinkpumpkins1]

Name changed for this but am a regular.

So for background, I've been married 10 years, very happy, 2 kids, everything is good. Still very attracted to DH and we have a great sex life so no problems there.

The issue is that my boss-who i have always had a very good (I thought) platonic relationship with, has started to make it very much known to me that he fancies me. For context, he is only half a rank above me so actually calling him
my boss is slightly misleading actually, but I do have a semi reporting line to him (by this I mean it doesn't feel like I'm he is abusing authority). He is also married and I don't think he actually wants to 'do' anything (or so he says) but he is sending me increasingly suggestive messages 😬

I certainly do not fancy him am not remotely tempted to start anything. However, I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I'm kind of enjoying the attention, perhaps because it's been a while since anyone except my husband has come on to me this strongly (rightly so!), but because of this I have been quite feeble in my attempts to tell him to back off...and I feel massively guilty for DH.

I know i need to shut this down, but am I an awful, terrible person to be kind of enjoying it?!

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Show the messages to your husband and see what he thinks about it. Why ask total strangers....we are not married to you.

It’s flattering but don’t be a wally.

I know i need to shut this down, but am I an awful, terrible person to be kind of enjoying it?!

How much will you enjoy it if your DH reads the messages and is, understandably, really hurt and either ends your relationship because he doesn’t trust you anymore or else your marriage never really stays the same? That’s what I’d be more worried about.

I have told DH actually, not shown him the messages but he knows about the situation.

I am more asking if it is in any way normal/understandable that I'm enjoying the attention (looking to excuse my own guilt I suppose) than whether it's out of order for my DH, which obviously it is, and I should shut it down more clearly.

The messages are not incriminating from my side, it's just that I have said really seriously, 'look boss, this is inappropriate and unacceptable and it has to stop'

And I've told him what's going on!

You can secretly enjoy the attention but the moment you act apon it then you are doing your DH a disservice. Knock it on the head if you don’t think you can control yourself.

If I was your DH, I would be wondering why you hadn’t shut him down.

You have told yiubhusband you are enjoying and indulging this? And he is fine with it?

Well then crack on.

No obviously I haven't told him I'm enjoying it, but I've told him it's happening.

I am 100% not remotely tempted to do anything with him

Seems a bit pointless pointing out you told dh, when you havent actually told him the situation.

OP most people dont intended to do anything. Then it gets out of hand.

When an affair becomes physical, there already been hundreds of small lies. You are already lying to your dh. You havent told him the full story, you told him which bits you wanted him to know.

The physical bit where you cross the line. Ita the lies that come before that.

Yeah fair enough @Anotherlongdrive i do agree with that. I will get over myself and shut it down

It's human to feel flattered, especially if your boss hasn't said or done anything that seriously oversteps the mark but I think you should try to pull back now and re-affirm the boundaries before he does go too far and it gets messy. It will be a lot easier now to start changing the subject back to work in messages than if you have to actually turn down an overt pass in person.

I can see why you are flattered, I think most people would be and I don't think that's unreasonable, you can't help how you feel.
What is unreasonable is you not shutting it down, or not been forceful enough to stop your boss in his tracks, You need to tell him straight that he needs to stop, don't entertain his inappropriate messages or comments. If he doesn't get the message and continues report him for harrasment.
Telling your husband you enjoy the attention will only cause problems, nip it in the bud and forget all about it.

How would you feel if your dh was in this situation? Would you be ok with him enjoying the attention?

Completely normal to enjoy an ego boost but it’s what you do next that matters. In terms of your essential integrity and your respect for your husband (and yourself).

Let it slide on and it’ll ooze further and further into how you think about your marriage and influence the permissions you give yourself in order to continue getting that little boost...

Right....you've had the flattery (perfectly normal and understandable that you enjoyed it) but it's time now to put an end to it.

Not many people are in a happy marriage, why risk fucking it up?

Thank you, that's really helped me to put it into perspective-I totally agree I need to put a stop to this now and definitely will