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Original poster

Soft play play date paying etiquette.

20 replies

highheelsandweathercocks · 01/11/2019 12:39

Decided last week to take my DC to soft play today. Threw a message out to other mum friends saying that we'd be here if they wanted to come along.
Sent a message to A's mum privately inviting her DC to come with us as they don't drive. Happy to take DC without parent coming too.
Picked A up and their mum hasn't given them money to get in. I've paid for them.

I don't mind, but interested in the etiquette here.
Is it my responsibility to pay as I invited them to come with us?
Or should she have covered their entrance?
Not a party.
Just asking as I probably would have handed them a tenner as they pick up my DC.

OP posts:
Lulualla · 01/11/2019 12:41

Not done soft play but we got bowling a lot with other mums and kids. We all pay for yourselves, and if anyone is taking someone else's kid then the parents give money for it.

boohome · 01/11/2019 12:46

IME it’s normal for everyone to pay for their own DC.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/11/2019 12:51

If I invite a dc, I'd expect to pay for them if they came alone. I'd also expect the parent to offer money but I'd decline.

If the parent came along with, I'd expect the parent to pay.

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Families
KnifeAngel · 01/11/2019 12:54

If you offered to take the child then I think you should pay.

AmIThough · 01/11/2019 12:57

If you take the child you should pay. If their parents bring them they should pay.

NoSquirrels · 01/11/2019 12:58

If you invite you pay (because you’re indicating that it would be more fun for YOUR child with a friend along, so you want them to say yes, but worry about having to say no because they hadn’t budgeted for it.) Nice if they offer the entrance, but polite thing is to refuse it!

If it’s more of a “We’ll be a softplay at 11 on Friday if you fancy joining us - could give you a lift if you want?” then I’d expect them to pay.

RedskyToNight · 01/11/2019 13:01

It sounds like you invited the child in which case I'd expect you to pay (though I'd probably offer, but expect to have it rejected). If you'd wanted money you should have made it clear in the invitation and definitely I would have asked when I picked up the child!

Majorcollywobble · 01/11/2019 13:03

Etiquette cuts both ways . She should have made sure the child had enough money from entrance plus snack and drinks surely .
Presumably she didn’t offer you any money at drop off time ? Bit cheeky of her .

Original poster
highheelsandweathercocks · 01/11/2019 13:12

Thanks all. As I said, I really don't mind paying in, and I didn't make it clear when I sent the message. I toyed with putting something on there but couldn't seem to find a non awkward way of phrasing it. I did explicitly say that I wouldn't be buying food here and giving mine a packed lunch to eat in the car en route though, and she responded saying that she'd do the same , which she did (overpriced crap that you queue and wait forever for that they don't eat anyway because they're too busy to sit down).
I half expected that this would be the case as I think they would have said no otherwise, so I was prepared to pay. Just curious as I would have offered in the opposite situation.
We do have other friends meeting us here and I know they'll pay themselves in.

OP posts:
Original poster
highheelsandweathercocks · 01/11/2019 13:17

@Majorcollywobble we're still at soft play, so she still might. But I don't think she will.

I've had other friends that don't drive that push money into my hand when I've given a lift to parent and child to a party (have done it with one friend multiple times as they don't drive). I always argue that I was going to the party anyway, so it was no extra effort on my part, but they insist. They don't have to, but it is appreciated that they don't take it for granted.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 01/11/2019 13:26

If I was her I would have given the money for it but then I can see why she thought as the kids were invited by you that you would pay.

AmIThough · 01/11/2019 13:27

If you think they would have said no otherwise surely you knew they wouldn't pay? Maybe they're strapped for cash.

SunshineDays2019 · 01/11/2019 13:28

No help this time but in future perhaps say something along the lines of " Hi Jackie we are going to soft play today and meeting
X and Y there. Happy to take Charlie with us if you could pick up the entrance cost. Pick up at 11?"

SunshineDays2019 · 01/11/2019 13:33

To clarify...his entrance cost, not everyone! Grin

Original poster
highheelsandweathercocks · 01/11/2019 15:49

That's a great message @SunshineDays2019 thanks.

You're all right, I can see how it wasn't clear. The child is an absolute pleasure to have (less work than my own DC) so I really don't mind paying. Just don't want to get myself into a tricky position going forwards.

OP posts:
SunshineDays2019 · 01/11/2019 16:26

You're welcome Smile

Whattodoabout · 01/11/2019 16:32

I would always send my DC with money or pay you at the door, I’d never assume you were paying but in future if you’re not happy paying then clarify beforehand. In the message simply say ‘I’m going to x place, would X like to come? If so entrance fee is x amount, cheers’.

I’m imagining it was only a couple of quid, softplay isn’t expensive so I wouldn’t lose sleep over this.

Cherrysoup · 01/11/2019 22:32

Tell her you can pick A up next time and ‘Oh, it’s £5 per session, ok?’

changeling82 · 02/11/2019 00:09

Google the softzilla thread...a whole drama about soft play etiquette that ended up with the police getting involved....

Original poster
highheelsandweathercocks · 02/11/2019 07:59

I saw softzilla. But I didn't see where the police got involved Shock

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