Slender 10 year old worrying she is fat after listening to other girls in her class.

[crosspelican]

I'm posting here for traffic as the parenting board seems more frequented by parents of younger children.

My tall, athletic and very skinny nearly 11 year old is in a very small class with only a small number of girls, a few of whom are both more "grown up" than she is and also (this is relevant) very slightly overweight. Not hugely, by any means - I'm sure they'll all be the same weight by their teens, but for whatever reasons, they go on about it A LOT, especially when changing for PE. "OMG I'm so FAT - LOOK at how fat my tummy is!" and grabbing their tummy fat and making a big deal about it (DD told me this in floods of tears last night).

My DD, conscious of not being very "grown up" or tweeny yet, has started worrying that she is also fat, and maybe she should be worried as well, so now I have a sobbing little girl convinced that the mere presence of organs in her abdomen means she is "squishy" and "fat".

We have had some gentle, rallying talks about this (including some basic biology about what is supposed to be in there!) and she is reassured for now. Intestines are good, after all!

I have tried to strike a line of taking her seriously (I don't want to put her off confiding in me by telling her she is being ridiculous) and explaining the obvious facts, while being super careful not to be critical of the girls who have started all this going around in her head, because they have their own complex reasons for going on about it, and everyone's body is different. Puberty is kicking off with them all, and they're all developing at their own normal, healthy speeds, so it's natural that they are all suddenly more aware of their bodies and talking about it.

Anyway. I'm worried, and want to head this off effectively. Are there any magic phrases, resources, books, something I can read that will give me a better stock of answers to her questions and reassurances?

She is being quite hard on herself generally right now and we're being super gentle and encouraging about everything.

Hi OP

My children are much younger than yours so we’re not there yet. One thing I do do is talk about how nice it is to have a body that is strong and healthy. I never talk about fatness or thinness - perhaps because my own childhood involved a lot of weight issues.

Is it worth having a word with the teacher? It sounds as though a lot of these girls would benefit from a talk about being healthy, rather than obsessive about “fatness”.

Thanks @CruCru - I think I will have a word with her teacher this week. It seems as though if one child is taking it too much to heart, there might be more than one.

I'm going through the same thing with my very slim 7 year old. A child in the the street called her fat and she's asking me every day if I think she's fat. Incidentally the child who called her fat is very overweight herself. Last night was particularly bad, at first I didn't take her seriously but I'm actually starting to get a bit concerned. She's also been asking my mum if she thinks she's fat too.

I don’t have much advice to offer right now - but joining thread bc DD (9) is running up against some similar stuff lately.

I just wanted to say though that your approach sounds so thoughtful and great. It’s bloody difficult though, isn’t it. I hate that they’re made to worry about this stuff so young (or at all).

My gut feeling is that the children saying these things are repeating what they hear from their parents at home. The narrative of "oh I'm so fat", I mean (not YOU'RE so fat!). So naturally they adopt that language too. So it's hard to unpick that for dd, especially when we have studiously avoided that kind of language in our home (for this very reason!!!).

Depressingly, I get endless 6 pack chat from my soft squidgy little 6year old.
I've directed this into exercise and fitness. Though and he's naturally v sporty.

So awful that it starts so young..