Ive wrote this and rewrote this a few times now. I feel stupid because i am not underweight but i think i have a problem but i feel stupid going to the doctors because i am not underweight.
For the last 2 years now i have been obsessed with my scales. I threw them away but ended up buying more as it killing me not knowing what i weighed. At the minute i am 5'2 and weigh 8st 5.
2 years ago i left my DV ex with my 2 children under 2 and i started us a brand new life together with the help from court and the police. During this time i have been diagbosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression, my counsellor thinks i could have GAD.
I became focused on my weight when i left my ex. I went from 10st 2 to 8st 7 in the space of a few weeks due to the stress. I cannot tell you how pleased i was with that weight loss. I had been called fat and ugly by my ex for many years so i know where this stems from i just dont know how to get out of it. I am in temporary accomidation still and i think because i didnt have any "control" over anything in my new life and i cant "control" where we will end up living i now massively control what i eat
I do not eat anything for 1 full day and then i wait until about 3pm the next day to have a small somthing. I make sure i never eat a full meal because i am scared of gaining weight. But this is now effecting my health, i feel nauseas constantly whuvh makes me not want to eat, I drink mostly tea's and occasionally orange juice. Ive started putting 3 sugars in my brews because i feel dizzy and cold constantly. The cold hurts me even now im sat in a jumper and a dressing gown with my heating on 22 and i am hurting its that cold. The little that i do eat turns into diahrea, i havnt had a solid stool in months. Ive had a period every 2 weeks for the last 6 months but at the beginning of the year it was 6 weeks between every period. I do have PCOS but i have had 3 children ( my first baby died incase anyone notices further up i have said i have 2 children ) and my periods have always been 26-31 days.
I see a counsellorbweekly but dont want to tell him i already have so much stuff to go through, its just another thing to add on and i feel overwhelmed but at the same time i want to stop obsessing
The kids always complain their too hot so i know its not a case of the house just being cold. My partner gets cross with me if i havnt eaten so i lie most days and pretend i have eaten, i will keep the DC's wrappers or tins etc and pretend they are mine. I forced myself not to weigh myself for 4 days and the panic i felt those 4 days not knowing if i was was ridiculous and the relief i felt at being the same weight
If i could eat normally and stay this weight i would be very happy but if i let myself eat normally i literally start gaining weight instantly
I feel silly going to the doctor because i am not underweight so i ferlnlike they will think im being stupid
Does anybody have any advice? I want this to stop and i am sick of my body hurting and being cold all the time