I’m disabled and so upset at how people have treated me this week

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I’m late 40’s, disabled, had major surgery twice over the past 18 months, chronically ill, still recovering, can’t work etc.

Life is very scary and I have to do a lot of planning, don’t go out much and so on. I dog walk when I can. Some days I cannot walk at all. Others I can walk a couple of hundred metres. Other days I can walk 10 mins. Other days it’s 20.

In the past week, I’ve encountered two dog walkers that treated me appallingly. The first, a woman, who let her dogs lead go the other side of me to her while walking in the opposite direction almost tripping me up. I was too ill to move to avoid the lead and stopped and called out to her what was going on asking her to be careful of me as I’m ill. She did a passive aggressive sorry (as if I was the one at fault). That was scary enough. Then this morning...

I stopped to talk to a bloke I see regularly dog walking. There was a young 6 month old Alsatian on the field, which had just come up to my dog - from 200 yards away and wouldn’t go away, bounding around me and scaring the hell out of me.

Just as it finally went away, this bloke appeared and his dog ran after it. I asked if his dog got on with it and he said yes, but it doesn’t have control over it’s body yet. I told him the other dog had come up to my dog and near me and I am disabled and was afraid it would have me over. My next question was going to be (as the dogs were playing together), would he mind just letting the other owner know.

Before I could, he told me that as I was here walking, that was par for the course and I shouldn’t be putting myself out there if that’s the case. I asked him if he thought because I am disabled if I should stay at home. He grunted at me that I was talking to the wrong person and walked off.

I don’t normally get into these conversations but I’ve seen him around years around for years. He walks every day, seemed to have met the owner (also a man) before and because he’s active, fast and fit, I thought asking him was maybe a viable option. Gosh was I wrong.

I am devastated. I so very rarely tell people irl of my struggles and how vulnerable I am.... because I have encountered this sort of reaction a lot. Including my brother, who has been violent to me and threatened to deck me and punch me because of my disability.

I can’t stop crying. My mental health has been so poor since my last operation at the beginning of the year.

I’m so scared to walk now. Please kind words.

I'm sorry you've encountered this OP .
Your brother sounds absolutely vile.
Do you mind me asking if you walk with any aids? Can other people actually see you're disabled?

Poor you...people can be horrible but interestingly in both situations you've described both people have been dog owners/walkers. I've generally found them some of the rudest people I encounter whilst out and about...one particular woman was disgustingly rude to me when my dd was upset at being jumped on by a dog.

Bloody hell OP. I’m sorry you’re so upset. What is wrong with your brother?! Horrible behaviour. Do you have a good friend you call up? Ask them round for a coffee and a chat?

Thanks. I saw my friend just after it happened and cried. But she doesn’t get it, not properly. And shushes me as I get upset. Can’t make a scene. I don’t burden people too much. It isn’t fair on them. You have a choice to answer me. And I’m very grateful you have.

Luckily I did just have someone arrived, who was lovely to me. Tesco delivery. A woman, who’s been a few times. She is really nice and gave me a big hug and listened. (Have just emailed Tesco asking how I can pass this on to the store manager). She has helped me to put my head straight a big.

No, no aids. I would only need them when I’m bad and then they’d get in the way because it’s something to carry that I don’t want. I get it’s hard to see I’m disabled. I shuffle along. Stop, collapse if it’s that bad, walk short distances etc.

Thank you for reading.

I get it’s hard to see I’m disabled. Am nc with my brother. But he contacted me yesterday by email about something I need to answer him about. Just been a shit week all round.

formerbabe
Yes dog walkers can be arseholes.

Sorry very garbled.

I’m glad the Tesco lady was kind to you. Sometimes a hug is all we need in that moment. Can you watch a nice film with a cup of tea or whatever you like to drink?

Thanks yes, doing that now. Going to meet my friend for a shuffle round the field in a little while. He’s Mid 80’s with heart problems so it’s all very slow..... We are a pair. 😂 I’ll tell him about this morning but he will probably forget. 🤪 bless him. Lovely man.

enjoy your walk OP.

People be asshats! At least someone helped you feel better.
What about getting some sort of scooter for the times you have ishoos. My town is over run with people on scooters, some with their dog sat in the foot well. I wonder if some enterprising soul hires them out.

I'm so sorry you've encountered these ignorant idiots when you're going about your daily life
I'm disabled with Cerebral Palsy and have a gorgeous Westie, who is everything to me
I potter about with my Rollator but also pay a lovely walker for 5 runs a week for him
I have had people ask me if he's mine, as if they think I'm neglecting him... I also faced the same when walking my 3 boys in pram's!
Carry on doing your best I say

Aaah, so sorry these people were such tosspots to you OP

I have mobility problems too, and you do feel really vulnerable when you’re shuffling and hobbling about

Tesco lady sounds lovely and I’m sure she’ll be over the moon to receive your nice comments.

Hope you have a nice time with your friend later xx

My sympathies OP. It sounds like you've had an awful week. Some people are just so ignorant towards people with disabilities. I am disabled (I have osteo and rheumatoid arthritis and use walking sticks when I'm outside) and I've also experienced the 'you should stay indoors if you can't cope outside' attitude. I know how upsetting it can be.

I asked him if he thought because I am disabled if I should stay at home. He grunted at me that I was talking to the wrong person and walked off.

That was a very confrontational thing to say to anyone. His reaction was actually mild under the circumstances.

Sorry not to have responded to you sooner. Thank you for your responses. I am feeling so much better now. Dh has come home and dd and they’ve both given me a big hug.

I am sorry to hear your stories and how you’ve also encountered idiots, who think this world is only there for their pleasure and anyone, who does not conform should lock themselves away.

I have thought a lot about getting mobility aids such as a scooter. Unfortunately my d dog would be petrified. And they wouldn’t be a great deal of help as I absolutely need to rest my head when I’m poorly. I’ve looked a lot online and come to the conclusion there isn’t really anything portable that is suitable for me to use on my own. I drive to the fields and park directly beside them.

@Wheat2Harvest
I actually said “are you saying I shouldn’t be here because I’m disabled?” I don’t think it is confrontational to ask if someone actually meant what they just said. No.