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Original poster

Mixed Sex Sleepovers

26 replies

Herland · 30/10/2019 13:14

Wondering what your thoughts are on mixed sex sleepovers and if you would allow your child to go to one. My son is about to be 10 and desperately wants a sleepover. His best friends are 4 girls and 2 boys. They are a lovely sensible bunch and I have some of them for sleepovers before on a one to one type basis. There has never been any indication of romance, exploration etc. They are genuinely all just best pals who share the same hobbies and have a good laugh together. I am happy to host it because I trust them and there will be intermittent but constant supervision. Would you let your 9/10 year old come?

OP posts:
Fatshedra · 30/10/2019 13:23

Only if I knew you, your DS and the other attendees well.

Original poster
Herland · 30/10/2019 13:33

Thanks @Fatshedra. They have all grown up together through nursery and primary and parents all know each other to say hello, although some know each other better than others.

OP posts:
Winterdaysarehere · 30/10/2019 13:35

My ds had mixed sleepovers his whole school life.

TeenPlusTwenties · 30/10/2019 13:39

I'd be OK with this until Secondary, but not then.

Original poster
Herland · 30/10/2019 13:39

That's reassuring to hear @Winter. We still get some raised eyebrows when my son says his bffs are mostly girls. Did you ever get parents who objected?

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 30/10/2019 13:42

Definitely not, it takes one accusation to ruin everything for him. You know your own child and trust him, but you can't be certain about anyone else's. Also it is tricky if you allow it now and then try to disallow it at some stage over the next few years.

CreatedBySombra · 30/10/2019 13:46

Honestly no...but I'm the kind of parent that would have made that view point obvious well before the asking stage.

If you've known these children and by extension their parents most of their childhood you should have a fair idea on how they'd respond to an invite like this.

Original poster
Herland · 30/10/2019 13:48

Thanks Pinkyy, I hadn't considered this. I get what you are saying, but he could be accused of something at any time not just a sleepover. Hmmmm. It's tricky. I don't want him to be afraid around women and I don't want my daughter to be afraid around men. I have always brought them up to understand consent, respect and to protect themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herland · 30/10/2019 13:50

I know how at least four of them will respond, the other three, I'm not so sure. And to be honest, I'm not sure how I would feel if it was happening out with my home Grin so I suppose I'm a huge hypocrite really!

OP posts:
stucknoue · 30/10/2019 13:57

We allowed it, but my DD's are trustworthy

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 30/10/2019 14:04

Yes, but separate sleeping areas. Although I'd be wary about such a large group, my DD had three friends and that was exhausting enough

Winterdaysarehere · 30/10/2019 14:09

My ds is gay and tbh his friends knew well before I did!! So keeping to a boys night would have been pointless wouldn't it??

MaybeDoctor · 30/10/2019 14:11

At 10, yes - but I think you may have to accept that other parents might be less comfortable with the idea. 12 upwards - no.

I am not a big fan of sleepovers at the best of times, as I think they break down boundaries that exist for generally good reasons.

Happityhap · 30/10/2019 14:14

The point about separate sex is that no-one can get pregnant.
They may be a little young for that but who knows.
Separate sleeping arrangements? Isn't the whole point of a sleepover that there's very little actual sleeping and they do a lot of silly stuff together?

HelloYouTwo · 30/10/2019 14:18

I think it’s fine at age 10! As long as they have their own space in which to change, and if there’s a big group get them to bring sleeping bags then they have their own cocoon in which to sleep.

Secondary school onwards, separate rooms.

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 30/10/2019 14:19

We allowed it, but my DD's are trustworthy yeah,they all are...until they're not.

I would at this age,no problem at all.

Bloodymary · 30/10/2019 14:21

At the age of 10 yes I did allow it. When they got to 13 myself and other Mums decided to put a stop to mixed sleepovers.
Although there is one house that they go to where there is an outbuilding (heated) where (usually) the boys will sleep.

Original poster
Herland · 30/10/2019 14:22

Yes there are plenty of separate spaces for changing. I was going to let them sleep in sleeping bags in the living room and I would pretend to sleep in the spare room next door. I was anticipating virtually no sleeping and lots of daftness anyway.

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Original poster
Herland · 30/10/2019 14:24

Aw I would love a heated outhouse.... I don't suppose the garden shed would cut it.

OP posts:
SciFiScream · 30/10/2019 14:26

My DS had 4 friends over to stay. 2 x boys and 2 x girls. All 12/13. Parents of children fully consulted. They were camping in the garden. The boys shared a 3 person tent and the girls shared a 2 person tent.

The bad weather plan was girls in son's bedroom. Boys in the living room.

It worked out. Parent eyes and ears were twitching!

I'd be fine with it.

SpookilyBadOooooooh · 30/10/2019 14:28

Yes I would let them go.

They’re no more likely to do anything at night that they don’t want to, than in the day.

If anything it’s less likely when there’s a decent size group of them than when there’s a much smaller group together after school etc.

People get hung up on things that actually make no bloody sense

inwood · 30/10/2019 14:50

Only if I knew you well, same for a single sex sleepover.

Cohle · 30/10/2019 16:38

I definitely would at 9/10.

Sarzy82 · 30/10/2019 17:26

At 10 years old, sure. 12+ no

TeenPlusTwenties · 30/10/2019 17:44

At this time of year, most of the class will be 9 with just a few who are 10.
Lots of 'rules' change when children go to secondary, so much easier to change this rule then, than allow in y7 and then have arguments when they are y8, or y9 or y10.