So bloody hurt by my friend, should I say something or just let the friendship go?

[Halfie2794]

I’ve known her for 8 years, it’s always been pretty one sided but we have great fun together and our DS’s are good friends.

I needed a favour yesterday, it’s very rare that I ask anything of her but I was stuck for childcare. I explained that I did have a back up plan if she couldn’t help but it involved DS doing a 2 hour round trip to his cousins house and a 10 hour day for 4 hours of childcare.

Anyway, she was very apologetic and said that she couldn’t have him. She had a day out planned. I said not to worry, did she have anything nice planned? Shopping in the morning and pumpkin picking in the afternoon with her and her 2 boys.

I’ve lost count of the number of times her son’s joined us on days out. Far too many to remember. I’ve picked him up from school and nursery. I’ve had him to sleep over mid week so that she could attend a funeral and I’ve booked a morning off work to get him to school. I’ve fed her cat twice a day for a week, a ten minute drive away. I’ve made cakes for her birthday.

I just texted her back ‘enjoy’ but I’m so upset thinking about it, that she couldn’t just go a little out of her way to help me out this one time. DS’s no trouble either, he’s a good lad and he gets on great with her ds. She’s also got the whole week off work.

She’s not your friend.

I actually think you're overreacting. She couldn't do you a favour yesterday and suddenly you're casting up all the things you've done for her over the years - not scoring so high on the friendship level yourself. I do loads of bits and pieces for friends, other school mums - bringing kids home from school, parties, watching them for a bit if work runs on, it doesn't bother me and if I've room in the car I might as well bring home another kid.

But this week we're knackered in our house, I decided not to run around, said no to the activities that didn't suit me. My kids just want to slob about with me, stay in our pjs, maybe run to the shop, eat nonsense, just stay in our own bubble for a bit. I'm not doing favours this week . You dont sound over fussed on continuing the friendship anyway but not sure this particular favour refusal would be the one I'd hang my hat on.

implantsandaDyson

There’s always a bigger picture though and I did say i wouldn’t feel like this over a great friendship. This is the final straw. If a good friend did it, I’d give them the benefit of the doubt.

I'd just gradually withdraw. Don't create drama for your sons sake, but let the friendship slide.

I agree with you, I think it is pretty poor form on her part
That being said don't fall out with people unless you really really have to. Especially if it is a small place and you don't have many other friends close by.
I would back off totally from her but I wouldn't block etc
You know now, v hurtful though

So I have a friend who keeps asking me to look after her son. My DD and her DS are friends, they are 4 so play together. However, he's not very verbal so it is often difficult to understand what he wants and can be a bit aggressive towards my daughter. My friend is a single mother so I do like to help out, it's just that sometimes it really inconveniences me, the worst example being asked to look after him the day before my due date (which I did).
Now I do usually help out when she asks but to be fair, occasionally I'd rather not because it can be a bit difficult with him, my overly sensitive DD and my baby. Your kids are older but I still think it can be a handful to have another child to look after, regardless of how well behaved they are. I'm not saying your boy is difficult. But if you suddenly have to fit another child into your plans, it might kind of ruin the day.
I haven't asked anybody to look after my children yet. Sometimes my DD goes to the neighbours' house and plays there for a while but I'm always close by. So I kind of think you are both being unreasonable to expect your friends to look after your children, especially if you see that they are not sure about it. I really wouldn't impose and work my way round that.

Devils advocate- Maybe she's thinking about how many (car)seats she has available in her car? Otherwise she would need to take a taxi everywhere...?

I wouldn't freeze her out, especially if you enjoy her company, but you need to recognise what kind of friend she is too you.
You can still talk and chat and help if it suits you, but you now realise that doing extras will never been appreciated or repaid.

tiintoon this is exactly how it was for all the years I helped out with her DS. He was actually a handful when he was little but I did it because I was happy to help. I’d have him at great inconceivable to me. Switching car seats, picking him up from school (when my DS goes to a different school). I’ve paid for days out for him, I’ve wiped his bum when he was toddler. I do understand that an extra child is always more effort to look after no matter how easy they are but the fact that I’ve done so so much for her over the years and she can’t do this for me hurts.

Silentnight87 My DS doesn’t need a car seat.