Anxiety/panic. Asked to go for Xmas meal

[granadagirl]

I suffer from bad anxiety
Just recently I’ve started going to a class( massive thing for me) to get me out and about for confidence

Well one of the ladies came up to me last week and said
We all go for a xmas meal it on .. dec
Showed me the menu I had quick look (felt I had too)

Problem is I know now I don’t want to go
There a nice crowd(well most)
But I hate crowds, sitting down feeling hemmed in. The pub will be heaving it’s the last Friday before Xmas (mad Friday)

How do I say NO, without offending and bringing attention on myself

Oh why did they ask!!! This is enough to stop me going again

“Ohhh, I would have loved to but it turns out it clashes with a family event I can’t get out of!”

It’s so common at that time of year, nobody will be offended.

Who knows, maybe by the time next Christmas rolls around you might even be up for joining?

Baby steps

Go to the meal. Don't allow your anxiety to control your life.

Nobody will mind, especially at that time of year. If you are feeling really brave, just go for a quick drink before you have to dash off somewhere.

@aquamarine it doesn’t work like that 🙄

Can you be honest and say I really can't do big crowds but would like a coffee sometime with you (if you like lady who asked?)

I wouldn't judge you if you were up front.

I think you are great for going to the class. If you aren't ready and don't want to be honest just say 'I've checked my diary and I'm sorry I am already busy'.

Don't beat yourself up. They obviously like you to ask you so that's something positive to focus on.

I have often used family events as an excuse esp if near Christmas where things are manic,
Just say thank you but sorry it is clashing with something you cannot get out of and don't over think it. But as they will be booking don't leave it to the last minute incase they get a charge (often the case in restaurants now at busy times)

@Inthefrightgardentonight

Yes, actually it does. I know exactly what the op is dealing with because I suffered with crippling anxiety myself. You have to make the choice to take control, no matter how fucking horrible it makes you feel to do it. It's not easy, but it is very possible.

Well done on joining the class. I joined a social group in a moment of madness and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. Don’t give it up!

As others have said, being busy around Christmas is pretty common, nobody will think anymore about it.

I’m sure you won’t regret going if you do though.

I agree with insanepizza. If you like the lady ask if you could meet up for coffee in a few days after the meal and she can tell you how it went. I am the same as you and have invented a hearing problem which means I can't follow conversation in crowded areas. It's a complete lie but meh!

Thanks for all replies 😊

It was the lady that organises it that asked me, others ladies were stood around looking at the menu.

If I’m upfront and tell her “ I can’t do crowds”. Someone or maybe herself might say. “ oh you’ll be fine really”. I hate being put on the spot.
I’m going to have to say “thanks for asking, but I can’t manage pubs & meals out because off my anxiety “ and just hope she doesn’t come back with something!

Yes I know , don’t let anxiety run your life, but I have pushed myself to do things before and been a nervous wreck and find it hard to join in just wanting to run. When my anxiety is high at home, I can’t even eat yet alone sit round a table with practically strangers.