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Original poster

When should I worry?

24 replies

Explosivertwi · 27/10/2019 22:19

Name changed as don't want to be identified.

Background- Been with partner for almost a year and we are living together. Yesterday he went for drinks with his friends whilst I went to see his parents as they asked to see us but partner didnt want to go.

Today he told me he was going to see his friends. We were meant to see my family so I called him selfish etc and we had an argument.

He told me that it would have been his sons 3rd birthday today (he passed away when he was 2 months due to SIDS). I didn't realise it was his birthday.

And he went out. This was at 1 or 2 pm. I messaged at about 4 and he replied but I messaged at 8 to see when he'd be back and I've not had a reply.

I feel awful but when should I worry?

OP posts:
Original poster
Explosivertwi · 27/10/2019 22:47

Can I have advice please as I feel awful aswell 😞

OP posts:
Helmlover1 · 27/10/2019 22:52

I sympathise that it would have been his son’s birthday, but in all fairness if you hadn’t known that previously and he was trying to change pre-arranged plans to see your family then it’s understandable that you were angry. In all honesty? If you’ve already sent him a message apologising and he’s out with his friends, I’d wait for him to contact you.

Original poster
Explosivertwi · 27/10/2019 23:13

He told me to go to see my family alone as he was going out.

I just feel awful and want him to come back. 😞

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maleshahope · 27/10/2019 23:22

Hey hun! I'm sorry your going through this! I think the best thing you can do is try take your mind of things my husband is the same he goes off and never replies it's awful the best way I've learned to cope is occupy my mind x

Original poster
Explosivertwi · 27/10/2019 23:30

I've been trying to do other things but i feel awful because he was already having a bad day and I feel like I've make it worse. 😞

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Original poster
Explosivertwi · 28/10/2019 07:32

He still isn't back and hasn't replied to my message. 😞

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AmIThough · 28/10/2019 07:45

@Explosivertwi try not to worry - he probably needs to blow out some steam and is punishing you for something you couldn't help. He can't just assume you'd know, and while it's awful, it's not your fault.

It seems strange that his parents didn't say "how's he coping? It would have been x's birthday tomorrow."

Is he supposed to be at work today?

Original poster
Explosivertwi · 28/10/2019 08:00

His parents did ask how he was but I didn't think anything of it as I thought They were asking because he wasn't with me.

No he isn't supposed to be working today as he used his annual leave.

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FrappeLatte · 28/10/2019 08:04

Has he put anything on social media? Can you contact any of the friends he was with?

Flowers
Catmint · 28/10/2019 08:09

Just get on with your day as best you can and make space with you partner to talk properly in a day or two.

While his grief is unimaginable, I don't think it is fair to hold you responsible for not knowing the significance of the date. I also think it is wrong of him to just fuck off and worry you.

I'd recommend that he seeks some counselling to work through his grief in a healthy way, and if your relationship is to last then he needs to be more emotionally open with you. You both need strategies to manage trigger situations such as birthdays and Christmas.

Original poster
Explosivertwi · 28/10/2019 08:32

No he hasn't put anything on social media but he doesn't really do that anyway. I'm not sure which friend he was with and I might not have there number/them on social media.

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Original poster
Explosivertwi · 28/10/2019 09:06

I've also tried to call him but he isn't answering.

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AmIThough · 28/10/2019 09:17

@Explosivertwi he'll be sleeping off his hangover.

He's a grown man - he'll come home with his tail between his legs soon enough.

If his phone is still on he's probably somewhere where he's been able to charge it.

Original poster
Explosivertwi · 28/10/2019 10:11

He didn't take a charger. He only took his phone, jacket and his keys.

I'm thinking about messaging one of his friends. But not Sure

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Original poster
Explosivertwi · 28/10/2019 13:02

He has been on Facebook messenger but he hasn't replied to my text. Should I message his friend or message him again? 😞

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SouthernComforts · 28/10/2019 13:42

It's a difficult one. You say almost a year.. did you know him this time last year? Is this how he usually deals with his grief?

antisupermum · 28/10/2019 13:48

I think you should leave it alone - he is obviously alive & well if he has been on messenger, but he is ignoring your messages. I don't see why you should be walking over hot coals for him here. You didn't know about this date and you understandably got annoyed at him for yet again cancelling on pre-arranged plans. Why are you chasing him and trying to make amends? He owes you an apology for being immature and uncommunicative.

Original poster
Explosivertwi · 28/10/2019 13:51

I knew him this time last year but I didn't know about his son as we went out a few times and messaged but we weren't very close friends. On fathers day he wanted to be alone but he wasn't like this.

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Lllot5 · 28/10/2019 13:54

Just ignore him he’ll come back soon enough.
Can’t be doing with all this drama. Not your fault he lost his son. How does he expect you to be supportive if he isn’t talking to you?

SouthernComforts · 28/10/2019 14:26

I would just leave him to it tbh. You've said sorry. Wait and see what his frame of mind is when you hear from him, he should not be angry with you. If he acknowledges he goes off the rails a bit on significant dates I would let it slide, but if he tries to punish you for something you didn't know about then I'd be pissed off.

Original poster
Explosivertwi · 28/10/2019 18:53

He called me at about 4 and told me he will come home later because he changed his annual leave to tomorrow. I apologised again but then he had to go back to work.

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Original poster
Explosivertwi · 28/10/2019 21:31

He's back now. Although he still won't talk to me so he's either angry (which I don't think he is) or upset (and if he is i feel awful as I feel like I've upset him more).

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Original poster
Explosivertwi · 28/10/2019 22:04

And I think he had counselling before we got together but not sure. I don't think he would now as he doesn't like anyone talking about his son.

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AmIThough · 29/10/2019 09:08

I'm glad he's home, and safe.

Hope you're ok OP.

He'll talk to you when he's ready. Just remember it's not your fault and you weren't to know.

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